In the modern world, marriage is no longer considered a necessity, so many women deliberately refuse this format of love relationships. But there are those who do not object to it. However, for some reason, they are afraid of the wedding. If you belong to this category, we propose to understand the real reasons for such a phobia.
Why is it so scary?
To begin with, let’s clarify that fear is based on the instinct of self-preservation and is designed to protect us. It reminds us of the negative events that once happened to us, of the bad experiences that we faced in the past, or that we had to observe from aside. We can say that fear tries to do everything to keep us from the pain already experienced. Thus, the fear of marriage is often associated with four main reasons:
Someone else’s fear
Arguments of parents in the presence of children or simply an unfavorable situation in the family often lead to the fact that the child develops a negative attitude towards marriage. A girl comes to the conclusion that she does not want such a life. Growing up, she begins to experience serious doubts about marriage.
Children do not always receive negative experience from their parents – other relatives or, for example, family acquaintances can also instill the feeling of fear in the child.
What should be done? To begin with, admit that there are people around who are unhappy in marriage. But there are those who are more fortunate. Try to find at least a few examples of happy families among your acquaintances, relatives and friends.
Analyze why you think you are bound to be among the unlucky ones. Is there even a small chance that everything will turn out well in your marriage? Now consider what you and your partner can do to increase your chances of a happy marriage.
No one can guarantee that everything will turn out in the best way for you, but giving up in advance is obviously a losing option.
Perhaps the girl once had an attempt to start a family, but everything did not end in the best way. For example, there was a breakup right before the wedding, or there was a divorce shortly after the wedding.
For a young girl who married in love or in a fit of passion, this event can be so traumatic that later she begins to fear marriage.
What should be done? A mental wound is similar to a bodily wound – if you do not take care of it, if it is not worked out, there is a risk of complications and scar formation. The traumatic experience requires that it should be properly experienced, understood and learned from life. Once this happens, you can get rid of the doubts and fears associated with marriage and a stable relationship.
A woman often believes that marriage will turn her whole life upside down – routine chores, endless housework, and a complete loss of freedom. For a woman, marriage is often associated with the disappearance of diversity and joy from life. As a rule, women do not realize that it is destructive attitudes that must be blamed for this, not marriage.
What should be done? The human brain loves stereotypes, because they allow it to relax. There is an assumption, and we stick to it. But stereotypes can be so destructive that they can ruin even the strongest union.
You can spare some time for a reality check of your thoughts, force yourself to doubt your own opinion, and try to challenge it. If you and your partner are happy at the planning stage, if your relationship does not feel like an endless series of tedious life, and if you and your partner have a clear idea of how to lead this very life and how to build your life together, marriage is unlikely to radically change your reality.
Of course, there will be some changes in your life, which, however, can always be discussed – try asking your partner a number of questions about his idea of living together, set comfortable boundaries and frameworks, and then it will be easier for you to implement changes in life (Also read Things Couples Should Discuss Before Getting Married).
Fear of change
After marriage, partners decide most of the issues together, and if a person is used to living independently and arranging their life alone, marriage may seem frightening. Therefore, the person believes that it is better to abandon it.
What should be done? Try to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of the current state of affairs. You do not marry for fear that now you will find yourself limited in your choice, that you will have to take into consideration someone else’s opinion and negotiate. But the marriage may have other pleasant bonuses.
Now estimate your unwillingness to consider the opinion of another person and those “bonuses”. In which direction would you like to move? In case you are not ready to let go of your freedom, marriage is likely to really be a torture. But if the positive aspects of the relationships with your beloved one outweigh the cons, try to let go of fear and start a new stage of your life.
Whatever the reasons for the fear of marriage, it is important to understand that problems will not go away on their own. Obeying this feeling of imaginary danger and avoiding serious relationships, a woman does not solve the problem. She simply escapes from it.
If you really want to be with your loved one, but doubt the correctness of the decision due to a phobia, try to sort out your feelings and work through negative attitudes – so you can understand yourself and leave all the fears in the past.