Many women are so afraid of looking “intrusive” and “available” that they do not dare to show any interest in the man they like.
This fear has been brought up in us by a patriarchal society, where women are supposed to be modest, quiet, docile and by no means “dissolute”. The woman has to wait, modestly dropping her gaze, until the man himself takes the initiative. A woman seems to be denied the right to display sexuality and can only enjoy the role of a product on the counter, waiting for its buyer.
Congratulations, you can easily get out of this patriarchal paradigm by giving yourself the right to feelings, sex, and partner choice. Then you need to take the second step – to show interest in the man you like. This is not as difficult as it seems at first glance.
Any acquaintance begins with eye contact. A look in the eyes makes it clear to a person that he/she came into your field of vision, that you singled him/her out among others. So, you find this person more interesting than the environment and other people.
The word “see” also has a psychological meaning. It does not only mean to see something with the organs of vision and process information with the brain. It means to see another person in all the diversity, to want to get to know him/her better. And this very “acquaintance” begins with a mere glance.
This simple facial gesture lets the stranger know: I’m interested in you, I’m curious. You are all right (your hair is not tousled, there is no stain on your T-shirt, you did not remind me of some unpleasant acquaintance). I’m OK too – I don’t need anything from you, I’m not going to attack you.
Smiling helps to make the first contact with a stranger safe for you and for him. In case of men, a smile makes it clear to the potential chosen one that you find him interesting in a romantic sense.
In fact, even a glance with a smile is often enough for a man to take a couple of steps towards you. He will be active if he is free, interested, in a good mood and the situation implies a new acquaintance.
Most likely, he will even address you with a question or request corresponding to the context of communication: “Are you going to watch this film too?” (if you are looking at a poster in the lobby of a cinema) “Do you mind if I sit on your bench?” (when sitting in the park) “Are you tired of the queues and bureaucracy too?” (while waiting at the office).
It happens that a man is clearly interested, but hesitates to speak first. Then you can ask him such questions. It only remains for you to observe how the conversation develops. If a man willingly joins the dialogue, smiles, jokes, asks about you or talks about himself – he’s in the bag. That’s a contact!
Well, if he muttered an unintelligible answer and kept looking in his smartphone, you shouldn’t bother him anymore. By the way, you can behave in about the same way if a person who is unpleasant and uninteresting wants to meet you.
It can be much scarier to show your special interest in a man with whom you spend a lot of time together: a colleague, a mutual acquaintance, introduced to you by friends. You probably look at each other, smile and communicate very often.
Here you can use a simple request to close the distance. “Please help me cut the pizza”, “Are you well versed in electronics, would you give me a tip on how to fix the mixer?”, “Share your investment experience please, I want to start, but I’m afraid” – rely on the context of the situation and the history of your communication.
An interested man will gladly respond to your requests: he will be happy to spend as much time with you as possible and will use the given chance.
The initiative is superfluous when …
… the man does not respond to your smile, questions and requests. When he doesn’t call back and keeps silent. He does not do this because he is busy, not in the mood, or blind – he is simply disinterested. Leave him alone.
The point here is not even whether you are intrusive or not. Why should you waste time, energy and emotions on a person who does not care about you?