As our lives became flooded with the boundless possibilities of online dating, later on, augmented by dating apps, what used to be an exciting romantic adventure started to grow stale – the process increased and caused what we now call dating burnout. Those who are single avail themselves copiously of the opportunity, and people around them do the same as often as they wish.
We mostly use the word burnout when talking about permanent fatigue at work, yet when we consider the negative post-effects of multiple dates, stringent attempts to put your best foot forward and the feeling of emptiness when it’s over, the condition is not so different, after all.
Dating burnout can be characterized by a sense of emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and a lack of enthusiasm about the dating process. Here are some signs that you may be experiencing dating burnout:
Physical and psychological exhaustion sets in
Being the aftermath of a long period of stress, burnout brings on absolute exhaustion, both physical and psychological. So it is much more difficult to disperse than common tiredness, which can usually be offset by sufficient sleep, self-care, or just taking a break from work.
If your tired state is caused by burnout, you feel worn out and drained and go on feeling so even if you have less work or can relax. The energy feels scarce, as if you were trying to walk in a very deep snow. Besides, your mental state isn’t up to the mark, you need to exert yourself to concentrate properly, and your enthusiasm is lower than low.
As soon as you catch yourself being bored at prospective dating using apps, it may be a sign of developing dating burnout.
Dating is perceived as a tedious necessity
If you begin to look upon dating as a tedious necessity that you have to go through, it means you are working too hard at it and you’ve lost the fun. Do you ever brace yourself to meet your date? Maybe you need to take a break from dating and re-energize yourself.
Hoping that the date will be canceled at the eleventh hour
When you have realized that you keep hoping for the date to be canceled, it may mean that your emotional store is currently too depleted for any relationship.
A cynical attitude takes over
As you bring dating to mind and immediately negative notions start to arise, like the person should be hopeless if they are still searching, or it all begins nicely, but things are bound to go wrong after a while, then you are on the verge of burnout. As you are more and more unable to perceive dating as an enjoyable occurrence, you bring on a still worse version of burnout.
Irritating and unpleasant factors affect you more than usual
As dating burnout sets in, trifles that were passed by unnoticed suddenly begin to loom as highly annoying factors that spoil all the fun. Everything seems to rub you the wrong way. Any refusal or rejection hurts a lot, leading to total disappointment and recurring thoughts along the lines of “I knew that it would end this way. I will never be able to meet someone really nice.”
No matter how much you date, you fail to connect
One of the most demotivating things can be when after a chain of dates you realize you haven’t made a connection – so eventually it feels as if you are just dating on as a habit that is no longer satisfying. It seems just a long waste of time and emotions.
Doubts about your being attractive enough
After a longish period of failure in dating, it happens kind of by itself that people start doubting their attractiveness. Questions hover about possible flaws in appearance or blunders in manners. When such questions grow in number, they ruin self-esteem and self-confidence; it can be even more damaging for further dating.
Stressful experiences become health issues
If after dating, you find yourself stressed so much that you have headaches, you are unable to go to sleep, you have unwarranted pains, it may well be you are going through burnout. Since dating can be highly exhausting, it is advisable to mind your health, both physical and emotional, all the time you are dating actively.
Rejection is a frightening outcome
People who are emotionally emptied and developed dating burnout are far more sensitive about being rejected – they hurt more and it takes a longer time for them to go back to normal.
You end up with the feeling that you won’t be able to stand another dating failure. A failure will set off negative thoughts that you are unworthy, so your next rejection is practically guaranteed. You won’t think of blaming the app or the very dating culture! Think rather of unfortunate situations than about your imaginable faults.
A feeling is strong that you don’t show yourself as you are
The notion of expressing your own self is perceived differently by different people. It may be about what to tell (and not to tell) about yourself to your date, or how to dress, what to talk about and what non-verbal message to send out.
As soon as you realize that you stopped behaving as you usually do and switched into the mode of a “perfect partner,” it may also be a sign of burnout. Your attempts will then leave you depleted and dissatisfied with the result.
Can we shake off the dating burnout?
If you’re experiencing dating burnout, here are some things you can do to recover:
Take a break from dating
If you suffer from burnout, you require some time to restore yourself and recharge your energy. Without undue hesitation, delete your dating app, tell your friends you will give a miss to social gatherings so as not to meet new people, and get engrossed in your work or favorite hobby.
Invent an alternative approach to dating
Since you were dissatisfied with how your dating went, it would be a good move to consider your approach to meeting new potential partners. Ask yourself if you are too intent on the issue. Did you allot enough time to learn more about your current date? What can you introduce to your dating technique to improve your approach? What aspects of dating are most tiring to you? Use the break to become a better mixer.
Reevaluate your expectations from a relationship
Are you completely sincere with yourself over what is most important to you in a relationship? If you know exactly what you desire you can conduct your conversations better and avoid being landed with someone who doesn’t suit your purposes.
Dating burnout can be emotionally and physically draining, so if it’s too much for you, just prioritize self-care. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food. Take time to do things you enjoy: read, dance, walk, or spend time with friends.
You may find it profitable to discuss your approach to dating with relatives, friends, or even psychologists. A new outlook can help you avoid burnout and get advantageous insight into getting to know people better.
See if your boundaries are effective
Do you go on dates that actually don’t inspire you? Maybe your boundaries haven’t been set up right. You may spend too much time on your dating app in an attempt not to miss anything that can turn out to be special, or expecting everything that comes your way to be just what the doctor ordered. How do you choose your potential dates? Are you serious about it?
Mind that dating burnout can set in any time, so you are perfectly justified to withdraw from dating for a while to recharge and reinvent your technique. Your commitments may require your attention, so don’t hesitate to take a break and see that your life is fine!