Having an Ex Sex: For & Against


There is (and probably always will be) something attractive in the idea of picking up where you once left it off with your ex; it can feel like when your way takes you by your favorite restaurant, you want to stop by and enjoy it. But a sex in passing with your ex is not exactly a meal at the eatery you patronize. You can be entrapped in or cause unwanted feelings; besides, you broke up, didn’t you? Which was for a good reason.


So, when your heart suddenly flutters at the sight of your ex, it is a two-sided situation. On the one hand, do you really want to rake up the past? On the other, you had your share of sexual pleasure, so you are on a familiar ground: you know what to give and to get, you ought to be safe because you know about their sexual health.

Understandably enough, consorting with your ex is something you should do very judiciously, yet going back in time offers some benefits. Why not look at some pros and cons of flirting with an ex and seeing how it can pan out.

Go for it if:

You can control expectations on both sides

Once you are sure it won’t go farther than just sex, you can stake the ground with your ex easily, telling them that what you want is to rekindle the physical attraction you used to share without rebuilding a relationship on that. It’s no use to deny the sexual pleasure you gave each other, but if the other party will want to draw you deeper in, you’d better back out.

Then again, it’s you who may secretly be wanting more – will you stop at having sex? If you cherish a wish to restart the romance, you should do well to cut it short at once.

You are sure it’s safe

If you split a short time ago, and you know that he hasn’t gone to bed with other women yet, it’s nice and safe. But how are you to know that? Ask him to prove that he is clean – don’t hesitate to, your health is at stake. Let him prove that he cares for you. He hasn’t got test results or flies off the handle at your request? Time to think again whether a spell of nostalgic sex is really worth your while.

Recall the reasons behind your split

Before you give it a go, think about what caused you to break up. You won’t want to relive it again, and it may occur that even a simple sexual episode would bring back the situation you once sought to escape from. Would you really want to risk it?

Put a lid on it if:

You can be provoked into the same communicative situation

Your sex may lead to texting, meeting, talking – and getting involved again. You may have agreed that it was only about sex, but there’s always the possibility of it growing upon you, and you run a risk. Refuse to go further. Explain that you find him attractive and it was nice to know him, but you did have good reasons to go separate ways.

You may be drawn into reminiscing

If you want to go to bed with him, it’s not because you want to relive everything that you had together. The past mustn’t enter the picture. Once you feel that the past crops up, break in and say you are not going to bring it up. Don’t get overexcited or overwrought, just let the reminiscences drop calmly.

You fall for his jocular openings

You have got what you wanted – and you don’t need his commenting on your figure and how it has changed since when you were together. Neither must his discussing your present appearance draw you in. What is it for?

You’re going to discuss your other men

It certainly gives you a pleasant feeling when you mention in passing who you were with after the split so he understands that you’re in demand, but it doesn’t go with the situation. You’re in for sex so you don’t need that.

Expect to meet again or catch up with him

It may look polite and even quite nice if you enjoyed the episode greatly, but far better to understand – and accentuate – that it was a chance occurrence that implies no recurrence.

Should you find that you go on thinking of him and missing him – talk about it with your friends who remember how you broke up, they will gladly remind you how it was and what were the issues that drew you apart. Go out more and get engaged in some fun activity that will help you clear your mind of him. A second involvement is likely to bring less pleasure and more pain.

Well, to wrap it up, many women won’t even think about shacking up with their ex. Nevertheless, it may be an option if both of you are disengaged and at a loose end temporarily.