Each of us has a particular life experience, which cannot be ignored, and this is especially true for marriages. Let’s figure out how to build relationships for those who have already gone through a painful divorce.
But you should not consider the second (third, fourth) marriage just a correction of the previous stories. This is a primitive approach. Re-marriages break up more often than the first one. Why? The past often hinders partners; they continue to make the same annoying mistakes.
But every second marriage is as unique as every first one. Having an approach “He left everything for his ex-wife and moved in with nothing but a suitcase” is a big mistake. This is a very large suitcase – a divorce survivor has huge emotional baggage (very often, children as well), and you will have to take this into account.
Do not compete with children
It would be nice to find out the life priorities of a man even before the wedding. If they include children from the first marriage, you need to accept this fact – whether you like them or not.
Children cannot be the object of competition. You should not try to seem kind to them, you should be absolutely calm inside – they are not your competitors.
Give it some time
The second wife needs to be twice as wise – for herself and for the previous one. It is important to learn to feel the man’s psychological boundaries. They could have been grossly violated in a previous marriage, and he will react to questions about his former family painfully. Wait for some time, and he will tell you everything he wants.
Be tactful
Women often think that men are not very vulnerable and find it easier to get out of a divorce situation. In fact, the opposite is true. In their case, the already unpleasant procedure is aggravated by the loss of the usual way of life, a change in home and environment. And for men, it means the collapse of life foundations, and it is a big problem.
Don’t repeat the mistakes of the first wife
Your man already knows how to divorce. It is unlikely that he will tolerate psychological abuse and control in a new relationship if he escaped from it in the past.
Don’t be afraid to invest in relationships.
“Being hurt once”, people try to minimize their contribution to the relationship – both emotional and material. Every person keeps his “possessions” to himself, and then both are surprised that nothing comes of it. It is better not to seek any convenience in a marriage, when partners closely monitor how much each person contributes to the common budget.
Make new plans
Many new couples break up, as soon as the persecution from the ex-spouse stops. The partners act together in this confrontation, but, having lost the point of the struggle, they do not know what to do with their freedom. It is very important to find your own meaning and goal for a new partnership and to plan the relationship for the future.
Fight other people’s inertia
The surrounding people seem to continue to consider the ex-spouse a legal partner and commonly ask: “What do you hear from your wife?” New partners need to work hard to be perceived as a couple.
Avoid the too active presence of your ex-spouse
A divorced spouse remains on very good terms with his ex-partner. As soon as the slightest problem arises, he (she) is right there. It is good if people part peacefully, but it is important that the new couple have their own space, and no one should interfere. Friendship between ex-partners is possible, but not too close.
