It’s good that you can choose the kind of life you like.
You can find statistics on the Internet about marriages that happen when a girl suddenly becomes pregnant. You can get information about early marriages, and teenage girls are 10 times more prone to this than their peers. But you will never find statistics that would give you an idea of how many women dream of running away from their own wedding (or have already done so).
It is known that about 20-25% of modern women cannot picture themselves married at all. They have one thing in common with those who cancelled their own wedding at the last moment: all these girls risk hearing from others that they “just have not yet met their man.” It doesn’t matter if you’re in love or not – what if you just don’t want to get married?
Fear or norm
The phobia of family ties is called gamophobia – and yes, it is not only found in men. A gamophobe is characterized as a person who does not doubt whether he made the right choice: he is terrified of marriage and the transition to a new level of relationship. This fear seems fictitious to those who do not suffer from gamophobia – especially against the background of the general popularity of a marriage with its set of household duties and cohabitation. But this phobia does exist.
Of course, psychologists more often associate fear of marriage with deep reasons and complexes, the roots of which should be sought in difficult parental relationships or unsuccessful previous marriages. But this statement does not work with those who do not suffer from complexes, consider themselves a psychologically formed personality – and still … do not want to get married!
Society as a trigger
The number of women over 35 who are not going to go to the registry office is generally growing. Psychologists explain this by women’s fatigue from society, which constantly expects something from them – marriage, children, a successful career. This is a kind of echo from the past: mothers and grandmothers tried to explain to many of us that the status of a wife and mother is incredibly important.
The desire to constantly meet someone’s expectations increases the already haunting daily stress – and questions like “are you still married?” begin to cause real irritation. Each of us conceals a rebellious teenager who wants to do everything her own way, and not the way society dictates. This is completely normal because ideal people do not exist – no matter how you strive to achieve the ideal, there will still be someone who decides that you are doing something wrong.
Routine kills relationships
The example of mothers and grandmothers plays a negative role when it comes to the distribution of responsibilities. In megacities, girls are less and less likely to explain to their boyfriends and husbands that they have to take on half of the household chores, whereas in provincial towns there are still strong stereotypes about a “second job,” which falls on women’s shoulders right after she returns home in the evening.
Not every girl will be able to complain to her mother or friend – many take the fact that a woman is engaged in everyday life alone as something self-evident. She looks at how her parents live and does not want to become the main character of an unsuccessful scenario of family life herself.
I want to live for myself
Those who categorically do not want to get married include a lot of hyper-responsible girls. In childhood and adolescence, they did what their parents liked, and, perhaps, even suffered from the syndrome of a successful student. If you have been loaded with studies and hobbies for years that were once chosen not by you, but by your parents, then the question “when can I live for myself?” sounds logical. Then the realization comes that family life promises further restrictions, and therefore it should be avoided.
Marriage interferes with career
A successful career requires ambition, continuous education and the ability to live on a near-perpetual deadline. Marriage involves spending time with your man, providing him with emotional support, and planning your affairs in a way that does not harm the family.
Women whose work comes first on the list of priorities are not ready to forever seek an opportunity to make their husband and children live according to their schedule. Career is on the one side of the scale, while maternity leave, cooking, and romance are on the other. Each girl must make her own choice here.
All by herself
Self-made has ceased to be something outstanding: modern girls are quite capable of providing themselves with everything they are dreaming of. This makes it easier to arrange their life without looking back at someone’s desires and needs. It turned out that a specially hired “husband for an hour” can easily rid women of all those problems that a husband supposedly should solve. Raising a child on your own is quite real.