In our life, there are both positive, easy moments and situations when you need to be firm, to defend your point of view. Sometimes it happens that we need to tell a person important information that will clearly not please them. How to do it correctly?
Unpleasant messages can be of a different nature – news of a dismissal for a colleague, a conversation with a close friend about any personal aspects of your relationship, the news of a death or accident. One way or another, such moments will always appear in our life, and it is important to learn how to present such information correctly.
Needless to say?
First of all, it is important to understand the “legitimacy” of the remark you want to make. For example, if someone interferes with your work in the common office space by turning on the music, the remark will be appropriate. Telling the girl on the playground to remove the dog is also logical. However, should you tell a person about bad breath, for instance? A controversial issue.
First of all, when deciding whether to say unpleasant news and things to another person, it is important to understand whether it is customary to do this here and now. How much does this behavior hinder you personally? If you ask children not to run in the playground, it will look strange. At the same time, please make a comment about running around with an iron stick.
If the behavior of others threatens someone else’s safety, including someone’s emotions, actions are taken out of the context of a particular society and time – this can be said, and sometimes this has to be said. The main thing is to do it tactfully and respectfully towards yourself and others.
First of all, it is worth deciding if you want to take care of yourself, of other people, or of the person to whom you want to convey the unpleasant information. The last option is the most controversial one.
If it is important for you to keep the safety of others, this is a win-win option. In this case, it is worth talking about your opinion. For example, if you are relaxing in a company with children, and nearby men are swearing, this is about your own safety. In such cases, you can speak carefully about it.
How to say?
First of all, it is important to realize that any person believes that what they are doing is normal. Maybe, in the heat of emotion, they do not notice that they are wrong. In any case, most often they do not expect comments and unpleasant news. Therefore, condemning someone else’s behavior, wishing to “do good” or simply performing your duties, keep in mind that it will be unpleasant for another person, so be careful with their feelings.
The basic rule is your inner sense of respect for the other person. You must understand that anyone can be in such a situation and recognize the right of another person to do what you do not want. If there is no respect – most likely, all your words will be received with hostility.
Rule #2 is politeness. “When you do this, it makes me uncomfortable/dangerous for others/prevents me from concentrating. Please do this and this, and I will be very grateful to you. Thank you for consideration”. Remember that being polite works wonders. When you communicate without pretensions, arrogance, and judgment, the likelihood that you will be heard increases.
Rule #3 – if your responsibilities include, for example, dismissal or constructive criticism, always talk about facts, behavior, about results, without focusing on the person’s personality. Start with his strengths so that constructive criticism will be better received.
Rule #4 – accept the fact that you may not be heard. It is important. All people are different, the other person is not a puppet in your hands. Your opinion may indeed be useless to a person.
Remember about safety
If you want to say unpleasant things or make a remark to a group of teenagers or young people late at night on the night train, think a hundred times. Because all people are different, there are also not very adequate ones, who can be in a state of alcoholic or any other intoxication. Always think about how willing other people are to receive your message and whether this is a reason for you to get into conflict.