How to Cope with the Desire to Cheat

Even if you’re head over heels in love with your partner, it doesn’t mean people around you have grayed to nothingness. There are nice, attractive, downright gorgeous men and women all over the place. They contact with you through your work, or you run into them at a party, or they turn out to be friends of your friends. You have no wish to cheat, yet you feel good when they’re around and begin to wonder if it would be nice if you had sex.


Professional psychologists say that sexuality is one of underlying human urges that cannot and shouldn’t be inhibited. If you don’t pay attention to it or try to smother it, chances are it will only grow stronger.

However, if the idea of sex with a person outside your marriage has taken root, it doesn’t follow you are obliged to succumb to the temptation. You can take certain measures helping you cope with the persisting wish.

Accept your sexual fantasies for what they are

The first thing you should do when besieged by thoughts of cheating is embrace them. The rise of desire for somebody else may be unexpected and unwelcome, yet it is one of those things. It can happen to everybody. Lump it and explain to yourself that you don’t have to follow up on your wish.

Make clear what behavior you and your partner consider cheating


Have you discussed cheating with your partner? If not, you may have but the vaguest idea of what he or she regards as infidelity. It’s advisable that you know exactly what behaviors your partner looks upon as adulterous. There are things that can be treated as emotional cheating even if there was no sex on the side. Psychologists say that women are apt to react jealously to instances of emotional cheating more, while men feel more cheated upon when their girlfriend had sex with someone else.

Your adulterous desires can be used for your relationship

While cheating thoughts may open a rift between your partner and you and push you to entering into a relationship on the side, they can also mean that you lack something in your present relationship, or that it is losing the passion you once shared. So, think about that other exciting person in terms of what you expect to get by entering into a liaison. Do you need more attention, a different treatment, deeper understanding? You may not get it from that new person – whereas if you speak openly with your partner about your emotional exigencies you can put your relationship on the right track.

See how the new desire affects your current relationship


There are needs you don’t want to give up on, and probably your partner feels the same about some of their needs; you find yourself checkmated. Maybe it was the sign for calling it off.

Such situations occur because sometimes people are not open about their emotional expectations from the start: they are afraid to scare off the person they like. They believe it will sort itself out some day, and this day may never come. An evening of open communication can set things right.

You can come out in the open about your wish to have sex outside the partnership. You may find your partner agreeing to some behaviors you considered. In any case, if you decide on allowing one or both of you to have other sexual partners, you both must feel good about it. Any concession will only lead to subsequent resentment.

On the other hand, you two may discover that you are unable to agree on fulfilling each other’s needs, and you come to realize that you have exhausted your relationship. If you were open with each other throughout your relationship, it’s none of your fault. All things come to an end, and when they do, there’s nothing else left but to accept it and look for a more satisfying union.

Avoid concealment and fake


When you’re in a relationship, it isn’t easy to conceal your true feelings and thoughts from your partner. Neither is it decent to deny your needs and desires. It may be quite a task, but you ought to come to terms with your urges and let your partner know about them.

If a third party makes you feel sexually aroused, it doesn’t automatically make you a cheater and an indecent person. Try to figure out what it is that makes you want that other person, talk it over with your partner and let both of you discuss what else is needed to make your relationship even more fulfilling and inspiring.

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