Harmonious relationships in a couple indicate whether we can negotiate, hear another person, and find common ground. It is these qualities that speak of the maturity and awareness of partners.
Mismanagement of conflicts
When innuendos and hanging phrases accumulate in a couple, an explosion is inevitable because all of this needs to be expressed and sorted out. Do not be afraid of this situation as an opportunity to reach a new level of intimacy, contact, and understanding between yourself and your partner.
While conflicting, one should remain sensible: instead of staying reserved and trying to suppress the interlocutor, try to find common ground.
On the one hand, it is important not to get personal in a dispute and hear the partner’s opinion. On the other hand, you should try to speak out without hushing the problem or trying to abandon the conflict completely. The avoidance of these situations must be connected with the learned scenarios, believing that they are necessarily detrimental to the relationship.
If we argue, get offended, and then go to the opposite corners and remember for a long time who said what, this is a sign of an immature relationship. You are looking for the reason in another person, not trying to figure out your reactions to what is happening, not trying to find a solution to the problem and reconcile.
It is essential to work with your feelings to be able to report them not in an accusatory manner but in the format of speaking and discussing. This will help you maintain healthy communication.
Permanent partner’s control
When care develops into control, and the desire for intimacy turns into demands and the desire to know everything, relationships cease to be harmonious and trusting, and partners end to have equal rights. In the woman’s eyes, a man becomes dependent and indecisive.
By controlling your partner, you put him in charge of your sense of security, and therefore you cannot feel delighted.
The reverse side often alternates with control: either a woman takes care of her man like a mother, or she becomes a child herself. She appoints her partner to be a dad about herself and expects him to provide her with comfort so that she does not need anything: giving gifts, solving all problems, entertaining, constantly admiring.
This position inevitably leads to disappointment: after all, if you shift all the responsibility for your happiness to someone else, your partner will definitely fail and “let you down.” This attitude towards the partner leads to resentment, whims, ultimatum demands, and manipulations.
“When will he propose to me?”, “When will he take me on vacation?”, “I believe that he should console me, give presents, call me, and support my interests”: by asking these questions, we take a wait-and-see attitude and load our life onto another person’s shoulders.
Any expectation of something from a partner or making him our debtor is a sign of immaturity because, in this case, we make him responsible for our emotional state.
Constant irritation with household details
Focusing on everyday life is always a story about finding the cause of tension on the surface, but the truth lies deeper. The partner does not meet our expectations and does not live up to the standards that we have designated for him – “he is not the one” and “he is to blame for everything.” It would help if you learned to identify your feelings and start a mature dialogue. Otherwise, the problem will never be solved.