Today we will tell you how to survive a breakup with a man if you continue to work with him in the same team.
Love is a complicated thing. Especially if it brings together not only random people living in different parts of a big city, but also colleagues working in neighboring departments. It’s a really bad situation when timid flirting, secret correspondence and opaque hints last for months or even years instead of remaining within the bounds of a rampant corporate party.
Feelings happen to cool down. Sexual, financial or psychological incompatibility is detected. The love boat crashes at reception, and its debris are constantly looming before your eyes.
And then you are just cursing the day when you crossed the line.
You want to leave, fly away, or run away. Escape from the disgusted space next to the disgusted person as soon as possible. Break in an instant the remaining thin threads of feelings, which remind of themselves for more than just a day. What the hell! What if your financial well-being, your career and your whole life are closely connected with this place? What if you have a mortgage and your budget is Swiss cheese? What if all the team (but for one person) is surprisingly united and harmonious and you expect promotion? So there is just the crooked smile of your ex-boyfriend between you and all of this.
First of all, do not act hastily. Try to analyze the current situation, as if under a microscope. Identify for yourself the main problems and find the ways to solve these problems. Think how your ex-boyfriend behaves.
An adequate ex-boyfriend
He mentions the cause of your separation calmly, with dignity and without stupid insults. If it is possible, he is seeking a peaceful solution to the conflict. He tries to avoid you, does not cause trouble, does not revenge, does not try to settle the dispute. Sometimes it even helps: in a friendly, personal manner.
We must say right away that this is not just an ex-boyfriend – this is a gift of fate. You often fail to see such combinations, but, as a rule, there is not a hint of real passion there. The romance that you two were engaged in was just a stop on the way to your big and pure love for life.
“Be a man, they said”: a return manifesto for men
If your ex is constantly annoying you while he is making his way to lunch and his long, once so tender fingers are evoking nothing but vulgar memories, you can assume that you are lucky. The only doctor you need, Doctor Time, should not even be called. Time will pass and heal all wounds.
The only enemy to curing the senses is alcohol. It can push you into each other’s arms again. After the break, be careful with joint corporate parties, otherwise this music will play forever.
However, not everyone is lucky to have adequate ex-boyfriends. If you are one of those who have got an inadequate one, do not wait for a quiet life in the office. At best, you will find a lot of nasty things in the messenger. At worst – there will be fraud, intrigue, gossip and damage to reputation. They will hurt because this person knows you like no one else.
As a rule, revengeful ex-boyfriends are all ambitious enough and move pretty quickly up through the ranks. Apparently, there is a link: it is harder for an ambitious conceited person to admit to himself that someone may not love or want him or be the first to terminate the relationship. Instead of the desire to bring the love back, there is wounded pride, which will be hunting for you day after day.
If your revengeful ex is a relatively decent person, he will just be whining into the telephone receiver about how you are poisoning his life with your foul breath. But if a person turns out to be unprincipled, which is not always visible from the very beginning, he can reach another level. In this case, it is better to look for ways of retreat. Not immediately. Do not make haste, but try to clearly understand that there are situations when, having gained power and a dominant position, the ex will not let you enjoy your life.
The previous type is dangerous from a financial and legal point of view, but the former manipulator targets at your very heart. This person enjoys your emotions and consumes them at bedtime every night, literally devouring them. This often happens in a couple where the man is not self-confident, is disliked and notorious, and the woman’s feelings were initially stronger.
Does he know that his appearance drives you to tears that have to be restrained by an effort of willpower? Yes, he is well aware of this. Is he deliberately looking for a meeting with you, smiles, looks intently, and then rejects you again? Yes, on purpose.
One very accurate marker will help you understand that you are in this position: you will feel humiliated. If you were able to track down this aching feeling – “Why did he leave me? We could try it again! – you should know that the ex keeps you hooked because your self-esteem is directly linked to his approval, his love, and his acceptance. Your world is rapidly shrinking like shagreen skin.
And he, pleased with himself, only pulls the strings.
To get healed, we suggest redirecting the energy of achievements somewhere else. Even to work. If you manage to cling to the thought of victory in something other than love, the image of your ex-boyfriend will become smaller. The more victories you have in life, the less you will need his smile.
By the way, sometimes good careers were driven by pure “sports anger”, like the one you will have.
There is yet another kind, also extremely unpleasant. Such a man is called a “persistent ex”, which means the guy who continues to resort to unrestrained words and actions, even after hearing a clear “no”. He watches you in the corridors and tries to sort things out. The biggest problem here is that the psyche of such people is extremely rigid, they can “get stuck” in you, like a fly in syrup, for many years.
Alas, if your former is one of them, there is only one solution to the problem: complete, total ignoring and minimizing communication along with a complaint to the management. It is disgusting, unpleasant, but it is a fact – such a person may not stop unless prompted to.
To be brief, it is not an easy task to get rid of the feelings for your ex-boyfriend, who is sitting in the neighboring department. It requires endurance, patience, time and the ability to understand yourself and other people. If you pass this test with honor, nothing will stop you in life, including a meteorite, a hurricane and a tsunami!