Essential Do’s and Don’ts of Reaching Out to an Ex-Boyfriend


Whether it’s because you want to get back together, or you just want to be cordial, read on to learn the do’s and don’ts of reaching out to an ex-boyfriend.

Roughly 30% of men say that they made a mistake in ending things with an ex.

Whether your relationship just ended recently, or if your ex from a while back has been on your mind lately, the truth is that we all think about reaching out to an ex from time to time.

However, there are a few ground rules and boundaries that you need to establish with yourself first. You don’t want to end up getting hurt again — and you also don’t want to end up hurting your ex.

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Should I contact my ex?” lately, read this post to help you decide if it’s really the right move.

1. Decide If Reconnecting with an Ex Is Necessary

The first thing that you need to do is to be brutally honest with yourself about whether or not you actually should be contacting an ex.

Some guys are just toxic – and the type of people that, if you’re honest with yourself, you never should have actually dated in the first place. If you were unhappy throughout the relationship, and if they made you feel bad about yourself?

Delete or block their number, and move onto bigger and better things.

If you’re not missing them, but rather the feelings and security associated with being in a relationship? You don’t actually need to get back in touch with them at all.

Additionally, examine the reasons why you want to contact your ex, and whether or not it’s really necessary. Do you actually need to call because you found a tee-shirt in your apartment that could possibly theirs, and you’re “just checking” to see if they want it back? Or, are you really calling because you want to see what they’re up to, and find out if they’re dating someone else.

Like we said: brutal honesty with yourself will help you to decide whether or not this is a call that will be in any way good for you, or for your ex.

2. Pick the Right Mode of Communication

Be honest with yourself. If your ex’s name flashed across your phone right now, what would you do?

The reality is that most of us get pretty nervous thinking about getting a call from an ex. Having to speak “off the cuff” to someone you had a relationship in the past with — especially if things ended badly — is never easy.

Calling them may sometimes be the right move, but the truth is that reaching out to an ex is likely best done over text message or email.

It might feel a bit impersonal at first, but it’s also respecting your ex’s boundaries. An email or text will give them time to process things, decide whether or not to respond, and think about what they truly want to say.

Of course, texting your ex late at night can quickly lead into booty call territory. That’s never a good idea. Contact them at an appropriate hour, when you’re sober, and be direct about what you want out of the conversation.

Above all, if they decide not to respond, don’t keep contacting them. It’s their choice, and silence might be what’s best for them.

3. Resist the Temptation to Get Petty

So many of us think we’re asking ourselves, “Should I reach out to my ex?” when what we’re really thinking is, “How can I get even with my ex?”

If you’re thinking of reaching out to an ex to tell them how well your new relationship is going, or to start a fight, you’re in this for the wrong reasons. You also shouldn’t contact your ex to start harassing or insulting them.

Not only is this cruel and potentially illegal if you keep harassing them for too long. It also makes one thing loud and clear: you’re definitely not over the breakup.

Trust us, we’d all love to get one last jab in at our ex (after all, they’re an ex for a reason!) But if you go that route, you might hear something mean about you — or a truth about the relationship you really didn’t need or want to know.

Plus, especially if you’re interested in being friends, making fun of their new partner or opening up wounds isn’t exactly the best way to make that happen.

Instead, think about what you want to say, and why you want to say it. If you’re hoping to get a rise out of them or make them jealous, it’s not a good enough reason.

But if you’re calling to apologize, to get closure, or to figure out if you’d potentially like to get back together with them at some point in the future?

Those are much better reasons to make that call or send that text.

Is Reaching out to an Ex Something You’re Considering?

Even just thinking about reaching out to an ex is never easy.

When you get in touch with someone you used to care about, it can easily bring up tons of conflicting – and often intense – emotions. Make sure you’re prepared for the reality of that.

While you don’t have to tell your friends, sometimes, their support and advice can be incredibly helpful.

Above all, however, make sure you listen to your heart.

If you’re thinking about contacting an ex, or if you just need relationship advice, we want to help you.

Keep checking back with us for more relationship stories, tips, and advice to help your love stand the test of time.