Your relationship is affected by absolutely unexpected factors, which you have hardly thought of. Luckily, the social scientists’ inquiring minds always get to the truth.
1. No need to rush
The first moments of love are so bright that people dare to be spontaneous, not realizing the consequences of their behavior. The whirlwind of emotions inspires, happiness chemistry boils in the veins, and it seems that the soonest engagement or wedding is the best way to preserve your inner holiday. As practice shows, the opposite is true.
A study conducted at Emory University has proven that the more modern couples are dating before marriage, the more chances they have to stay together. If to go by pure figures, the couples, which had been dating for three or more years, were 39% less likely to divorce than those who had tested their relationship for less than a year.
2. Do not spend money on your wedding
Lavish preparations for the wedding and a lordly wedding party have their old traditions. The newlyweds’ surroundings, and sometimes the bride and the groom themselves, are trying to have a holiday not worse than that of their neighbors because they think they are getting married just once in a lifetime! But the problem is that the celebrations on a grand scale can have negative consequences in the future.
As part of the same study at Emory University, the researchers interviewed thousands of heterosexual couples and found that “the duration of their marriage was associated with spending money on the wedding rings and the wedding ceremony.” In particular, those who spent considerable sums on the rings fell apart 30% more often.
And there’s a simple explanation: depleted money reserves, debts and loans undermine the financial base of the new unit of society. Money can become a cause of disagreements; economic disputes will not cease, leading to a split in the family.
3. Hug while sleeping
The couples who sleep together are happier than those who sleep separately. The scientists from the University of Hertfordshire have studied the sleeping positions of couples and found that 94% of the couples who spend nights hugging admit their relationship to be happy. At the same time, only 68% of those who did not touch each other while sleeping were satisfied with their relationships.
4. Do not forget to thank
A simple “thank you” can strengthen the ties. This is indicated by the scientists from the University of California at Berkeley. The researchers have created an environment in which both partners thanked each other and received appreciation from the partner. At the end of the experiment, all 77 couples felt more relaxed and satisfied. They understood each other better, had a keener sense of responsiveness and care for the loved one. And there was a scientific justification. The positive effect of “thank you” was observed due to the increased production of oxytocin – the hormone of trust and affection.
5. Take care of each other
Even the strongest relationships need to be corrected. Experienced people advise saying you love each other more often, and the scientists think it would be better to move from words to deeds. You do not need a Herculean effort or major investments. It is enough to have small, but highly significant signs of caring.
Is it difficult for you to cook a cup of tea for your beloved? What a trifle! But such little things actually consolidate your union. This conclusion is drawn by the sociologists from the Open University of Great Britain. Within two years, they studied the lives of 5,000 people and came to the conclusion that unexpected surprises and small courtesy will not cease being valuable, even after years of a continuous relationship. This is a powerful link in the relationship.
6. Sober assessment of your union
How many times have you told the world that honesty is the best way to solve a problem? But people traditionally turn blind when it comes to reality, replacing the truth with flimsy excuses. And they do so in vain, of course. Psychologists advise speaking openly about preferences and desires.
The researchers from the University of Illinois have tracked the development of relations in 232 couples and noted that successful partners remembered all the turns of their love story in a good way, while the couples experiencing difficulties lied to themselves, looking back and thinking that everything was fine.
7. You do not have to be married to be happy
It has long been observed that married people make better career progress than single ones. They have a stronger health, better social connections, and a stable psyche. Should you rush and get married for a new position or longevity?
On the contrary, do not rush because an ordinary civil union is not worse than the official marriage. The same advantages, but without documented commitments. Scientists say that the idea of marriage does not differ much for spouses and cohabitants. Moreover, all the differences disappear at the end of the honeymoon.
8. There is no need to look for the “soul mate”
There is a romantic in each of us, who wants to find a soul mate for his/her life’s journey. Someone struggles with it, realizing that there is no complete coincidence, while others idealize their soul mate, believing he/she is destined for them. This latest group admits the possibility of making a grave mistake.
This is indicated in the sociological studies conducted by Spike W.S. Lee and Norbert Schwarz. According to the scientists, the people who view their relationship as fate create a basis for future frustration because reality always contradicts our imagination. It would be correct to compare your relations with a long journey, full of obstacles and difficulties. In this case, the years you live together will not bring any bitterness of frustrated expectations.
9. Relations at a distance are not like death penalty
The farther apart the magnets are moved, the weaker the link between them becomes. This kind of logic often undermines people’s faith in relationships at a distance and they part without testing the strength of their feelings. “So long, it was cool, we will get in touch on Facebook».
Wait, do not hurry to separate. The experts from Cornell University have found many examples of geographically distant relations in which men and women feel more satisfaction in comparison with the life side by side.
Psychologists say that in a relationship at a distance people go back to the bright moments of their life more often and enjoy pleasant details, which keeps their feelings alive.
10. You need to want to become a parent
Children are flowers of life. This is what we hear on television and when visiting our grandmother. It is natural that the state should need new citizens, whereas the older generation just wants to shake things up a bit. Should you yield to these beliefs?
Sociological studies do not give a clear answer. Some of them say that families with children are happier. Other studies suggest that an increased level of stress is often associated with the birth of a baby in the family and that not everyone can cope with it. The conclusion is simple: the child needs to be wanted, and an adult should be grown up enough to have the proud title of a parent.
11. It’s all about kindness
Long-term alliances are built on the principles of mutual respect, love and care and, most importantly, kindness and generosity. This is what the well-known American couple of John and Julie Gottman say. They reinforce their point of view with forty years of experience as family psychologists. Relying on their extensive experience, the Gottman spouses recommend paying attention to your behavior during the quarrels. It is very easy to hurt your partner when a passionate quarrel takes place and make him/her feel contempt, which is the main factor of the impending separation. You should understand that your disapproval can be expressed using kind words that will not harm your union.