Patience is a wonderful quality. It helps to adequately respond to unpleasant situations, for example, not to be nervous when stuck in a traffic jam or standing in a queue. Thanks to patience, we can realize our goals and get what we want. However, as the Chinese proverb says, everything is poison and everything is medicine, the difference is in the dosage. With respect to patience, this phrase is also true. An overly patient person is by no means distinguished by outstanding results. On the contrary, they begin to abandon their goals and proceed to the destruction of their own personality. In fact, this person becomes a victim of their inner abuser – endless patience. Let’s find out how to recognize this condition and how to get away from it.
A patient person often thinks that he is showing flexibility, adaptability to the situation, and non-conflict. Still, there are a number of alarm bells that will indicate what should be taken into consideration: isn’t it time to stop tolerating and try to change the situation? One of the signs of excessive patience is the presence in life of external pressure, aggressors and abuse. They are the easiest to find. Other signs are harder to spot.
Bad mood and chronic fatigue
In general, everything is fine with you, but you do not feel joy and do not experience positive emotions. On the contrary, you constantly feel negative emotions, even though they are muffled and in the background. This suggests that you have already shown excessive patience and, most likely, have been in this situation for a long time.
It all starts with a small concession that does not play a significant role. For example, the boss asked to stay overtime to finish some work. The situation is not a problem if it happens once, but after a while, the situation repeats, and you agree again and again. As a result, the situation takes place many times and becomes a norm to which you get used, or rather endure. This patience does not allow you to enjoy the results of your work and success in other areas of life.
In fact, your psyche is a compressed spring at this moment. You are in constant tension caused by the same situation, but at the same time, you can no longer find the source of your problem. If you constantly, for a long time, endure situations that are unpleasant for you, chronic fatigue may develop against this background. In the morning you wake up not rested, you are haunted by constant drowsiness. In the most extreme case, this can develop into psychosomatic diseases – headaches, pressure, problems with blood vessels. Your body is telling you that it’s time to change your lifestyle.
Difficulties in interacting with others
If you find it hard to say “no” and tend to agree with other people’s ideas and suggestions, you are probably being overly patient. On the one hand, you will develop a reputation as a kind and sympathetic person, but on the other hand, you are doing it to your own detriment. Realizing this, the first thing to do is to learn how to prioritize. Unfortunately, this is not so easy, because not each of us knows about our own desires.
If you find it difficult to answer the question: “What do you really want, what are your goals and desires?”, then you probably do not prioritize your needs. Others may perceive you as a convenient person who can be contacted at any time, and he will help, regardless of his plans and deeds.
How to change this approach to your own resources, desires, time and abilities?
Think about your own interests
The key word is your own interests rather than those that are common to follow in society, for example, career fulfillment or starting a family. Usually other people want this from you, and you live by following other people’s goals and realizing other people’s tasks.
When you have your own goals and desires, you begin to justify yourself to others. You try to explain your goals to others and regain your own right to your time and energy. The longer you live in the power of endless patience, the harder it is to do so.
Start with awareness
If it’s hard for you to think about some global desires, concentrate on small things, for example, mark when you really want to eat, drink, breathe fresh air, sleep without worrying about your usual way of life, not focusing on how you used to live before. Perhaps you are used to going to bed at 11 pm, but you want to go to bed at half past ten. Try to track your desires.
Take care of your own resources
Since a person living with an internal abuser gets used to giving up all his resources for the benefit of other people, it is extremely important to build his own resource base step by step, to return it to himself. Find five minutes for yourself, then ten, half an hour, or an hour for rest, sleep, meditation, study – for what is really important and what corresponds to desires.
Mark your boundaries
This point turns out to be one of the most difficult things to do: it is necessary to rebuild relationships with others and build new boundaries with them. For example, a friend comes to you with a request to babysit her child on the weekend. Before agreeing, ask yourself: “Is this acceptable at the moment? Will I now give up something more valuable to myself? Am I sacrificing my priorities?”
At first, your refusal may surprise others, and some may react negatively to this. After all, they are used to a certain way of interacting just like you. Over time, if you continue to prioritize your own goals and desires, your relationships will reshape. You will no longer have to sacrifice yourself and your time and feel captivated by patience.
