Is he the one? Am I meant to be with her? Even if we haven’t expressed them out loud, we’ve all had these thoughts from time to time. And as hard as it is to know if we’re with the right person, there are some telltale signs that a relationship will most likely work out.
Your Relationship is Likely to Last, If…
If you feel like you’re in the middle of a string of short relationships and broken hearts, take solace in the fact that research says you’re getting closer to finding the right partner.
According to a commissioned study for Graeme Simsion’s book The Rosie Project, the average woman will kiss 15 men, be seriously in love with two long-term boyfriends, suffer four disaster dates, experience being stood up once, have four one-time affairs, and have her heart broken twice before finding her better half. The average man will have two long-term relationships, experience two hurtful breakups, and have six one-night stands.
“It’s a reminder that the path to finding a life partner can be a long and rocky one – and indeed is for most of us.” Simsion writes. All the failed dates, embarassing one night stands and sad breakups might make you believe you will never find your best half! “But there’s an annoying yet wonderful randomness about it,” as Simson points out. You can still embrace the fun of dating and in the end meet the love of your life.
The chase of is he/she “the one” keeps us dating – keeps us excited about starting a new relationship. But how will you really know?
There’s no foolproof formula to know when you’ve stumbled across the right person. However, if you’re perceptive enough, you may notice some signs. Your relationship is likely to last, if…
You Feel Like You Can Be Yourself
How does your partner make you feel? Do you feel constricted in how you can act? Or do you feel as if you can be yourself?
You can actually say it right when you start dating a person. If you feel you’re constantly playing some roles not showing your true self, need to control your own behavior all the time, it could mean your real personality does not really fit this very partner and this very relationship. Psychotherapist Shirley Johnson says that “when we leave out any authentic part of our self — whether it be [an] angry part, depressed part, [or] kinky part — then we are setting up the relationship to stay on the surface, which will not support long-term potential.”
If you look at this from the opposite side, you can tell that your relationship will last if you’re comfortable being yourself and are not ashamed of showing who you are. In other words, you’re the same person with your partner as you are when you’re hanging out alone in your apartment.
You Trust Each Other
Is there trust from the start?
Do you feel like you have to check in on your partner at every hour of the day to see what they’re doing? Do you have to use an app to track where each other are? Are there suspicions of cheating? These are signs that you don’t trust your partner. By contrast, if you’re comfortable being your own person and letting your partner do the same, this is an indication of maturity in a relationship.
Your Spiritual Convictions Affirm the Relationship
If you’re a spiritual person, you’ll likely feel conviction one way or the other. Use these feelings to guide your long-term decision making.
A tarot card reading could be especially helpful in allowing you to gain clarity and insight on whether or not a relationship will work out. If you’re more on the religious side of spiritualty, spending time in prayer could be helpful. It’s all about taking some time and putting your heart and mind in a place to see and understand truth.
You’re In it for the Right Reasons
Are you in the relationship for the right reasons? In other words, are you dating this person because you genuinely want to be with them, or are you clinging on for dear life to make it feel like you have everything together?
Couples who don’t split in order to avoid being alone or the divorce stress are in anything else but a happy and promissing relationship. Author Brianna Wiest explains: “People who stay through tough times because they have a mutual goal of building a happy family together have a better chance of persevering.”
Worry Less, Enjoy More
It’s okay to contemplate these things from time to time, but don’t put so much pressure on an early relationship that you think your way out of it. There’s something to be said for letting things ride for a while and observing how they play out. You can use some of the techniques mentioned in this article as quick frameworks or rules of thumb. By no means should they be the determining factor in whether you break up or pursue happily ever after. Enjoy the moment and see where the relationship takes you!