No matter how heart-to-heart you are living together, you will hardly be able to get past arguments. Now and then they do break out, and you can’t help it, for in the next moment you feel deeply involved and hurt. But arguments themselves do not mean that your relationship is heading for the rocks – it’s how you handle them that counts. So some tips as to how better get through occasional squabbles and live them down will surely come in useful.
1. Get to the Reason Behind the Argument
Very often the real reason gets lost in the course of the argument. You find yourself piling up your precious opinions as to how to arrange the furniture in the bedroom or whom to delegate certain duties, while the anger that gets vent in the argument was fired off by a different situation altogether.
It may be everything from your childhood memories touching off deep-rooted fears to the resentment you felt towards your partner on another occasion which you would rather hide. Some arguments are over petty things, but if there is a deeper reason, you’d better be aware of it so you could cope with it.
2. Express Your Current Feelings Clearly and Curtly
Once you have gotten to the heart of the matter, you will be able to understand your feelings and explain them to your partner in one simple sentence so he or she can relate to it and react logically. If you feel that your partner’s behavior endangers the family’s budget or hurts your feelings in any way, the partner may not be aware of it and he/she needs to be told.
3. Why Not Apologize out of Turn to Soften the Situation?
Even if you are 100% sure you are not to be blamed for anything, apologizing can break the back of the quarrel and turn the tide to a more acceptable outcome.
You don’t necessarily need to apologize for what your partner thinks is your fault, the apology itself is what matters. You can just say you are sorry things have gotten out of hand and you have been rude or stubborn.
Your partner may feel it’s their turn to apologize, and after that it will be much easier to resolve the issue.
4. Debate Calmly
Angry attitude is likely to get you nowhere, but once you’ve started to talk things over calmly, you begin to feel more responsible for what you say, and consequently your partner will treat your opinions differently.
Give each of you enough time to explain their position and feelings without being interrupted. It will stop you ticking off endless arguments and help get to the stumbling block.
5. Try to Understand Your Partner Better for the Argument
Get out of the vicious circle of repeating your offences and defenses over and over. If you know what’s behind the argument, understanding your partner’s attitude can help meet him/her halfway much sooner.
6. The Outcome of the Argument Is Not to Establish the Guilty Party
You want to get through the argument back to amicable relations, right? It’s not a question of family court finding a culprit? Making the argument die down is often more important than having the last word; don’t fly off the handle, calm down and try to reason the issue out.