An insidious thing that can develop unnoticed is a victim mentality. You grow to feel a victim of circumstances, and this attitude solidifies. When something bad occurs, you either begin to tackle the situation in an attempt to put things right, or you start complaining and look around for somebody or something to blame. If you are for the second option, overwhelmed by negative emotions and believing that the whole world is aligned against you, you may wallow in self-pity too long. You play the part of a victim.
The mentality of a victim presupposes three basic statements:
Bad things are inevitable and inexorable.
They happen through the faults of other people or adverse circumstances.
Nothing will serve to amend the situation, so it’s absolutely useless even to try.
We all can’t be satisfied with all the spheres of our lives. We know our strong areas and weak points. But if many spheres are involved, it might be that the person is subjected to what is called a victim mentality.
It is advisable to try and detect this kind of mentality to see if you possess it. Make an inspection of yourself – or a person close to you for whom you care – and look for the signs of a victim mentality.
• You feel wretched because of other people’s fault or an unpropitious situation
• Other people are guilty of the way your life has gone
• You strongly believe that life is unfavorable to you
• When you try to deal with issues in your life, you fail and believe it is beyond your abilities
• You tend to be always pessimistic and have a cynical outlook
• Your problems loom as calamities that are disproportionally great
• You are certain other people are deliberately hurtful and offensive
• When somebody gives you feedback, you think it is done malevolently
• You do not doubt that everyone around you is at you for any mistreatment you can do at any time
• You cannot help reliving in mind unpleasant past experiences where you were victimized
• When everything is all right, you still keep complaining about something or other
• Negative feelings bring a sense of relief or even pleasure
• When discussing your problems, you refuse point-blank to take into account alternative perspectives
• You know for a fact that everybody else is in a better position than you
• When you feel sorry for yourself, it brings you a certain amount of pleasure
• You like to surround yourself with people who are bent on complaining and blaming others
• To you, the world is a frightening, atrocious place
• You are always eager to share the stories of your calamities with anyone willing to listen
• You accuse and blame people you love for your feeling rotten on a regular basis
• You don’t believe you can change adverse situations for the better
• You count on others sympathizing with you, but when they fail to give it, you get dismayed
• People who appear content and successful irritate you
• When you share dismal experiences with other people you always want to come up with a more gruesome story
• You have a habit of denigrating yourself
• You find it difficult to reflect on your realities and effect changes
All this makes it clear that the assurance of being life’s victim produces a highly pernicious effect on both the physical and psychological levels. The question is, what does it arise from?
The factors behind evolving a victim mentality commonly spring from a few sources.
A traumatic experience in the past
People with a victim mentality often come across as a shade too dramatic. This is a feature whose evolvement accompanies traumatic victimizing experiences since it is one of the psychological means to live down trauma and violence. If a person experiences a string of violation episodes, this traumatic trait may increase significantly.
Excess of tormenting emotion can violate a person’s belief in their ability to control their lives, making them feel helpless and incapable of trying and change their lives for the better.
Those whose confidence and trust have been betrayed time and time again also tend to feel victimized and no longer able to trust other people.
The situation of codependency
Somebody in a codependent relationship may forgo their life purpose for the sake of their partner. Eventually, they often end up emptied and conscious of being shoved aside or not getting proper attention and fulfilment.
Cases of manipulation
Some of those who have begun to like themselves in the role of a victim find additional enjoyment in laying blame on people they believe to be guilty of their problems. Besides, they learn to manipulate others to make them feel guilty or sympathetic. Such behaviors are commonly more related to a narcissistic personality.
Ways to get rid of the victim mindframe
It can be implied that people are not born victims but made ones. Logically enough, this process can be reversed. There are several ways to set about it.
Become personally responsible. No one commits your actions but you. While you cannot be answerable for what others do, your reactions to their actions are up to you. You rub shoulders with whom you want, where, and when you want. Get clear about it and steer your life in the desirable direction.
Generate compassion for yourself. A victim mentality is generally evolved as a means to deal with trauma; find another way to recover accompanied by taking up a compassionate attitude to yourself. Think of yourself with affection; take good care of yourself. Write down your feelings for deeper insight into the issue.
Be firm with your “no.” Turn unwelcome suggestions and requests down. If you find yourself unwilling to concede or acquiesce, there is no good reason why you have to! You are committed to your life goals even if others won’t understand your position.
Educate yourself. Read books about the victim mentality and how it affects your life. Consider seeking therapy. The more you educate yourself on the topic, the more likely you are to stay on track with your recovery and avoid going back to your old way of thinking.
Gain a deeper understanding. Work your way through a psychological book on the victim mentality, and become better aware of what it means to you. More knowledge on the matter will ensure mastering more techniques, better recovery and weaker relapses.
You have made up your mind to stop playing a victim? Assume greater control of your well-being? Remember that as soon as you turn on belief in your powers, you will be able to achieve heights that now you cannot even fathom.
The main thing is to take that first step and be certain that you can make your life different.