Why Couples Conflict about Sex
- Thursday, November 29, 2007, 18:03
- Relationships
- 76 comments
Have you ever wondered, why couples argue about sex so often? He wants sex every day, while she wants it twice a week. He falls asleep right after sex, while she would prefer some caressing after sex. A good sex life is an important part of every relationship. So why are there so many conflicts between men and women about it, if they both need sex? The answer to this is the difference between the sexual appetites of women and men. At particular periods of life women want more sex, than men, and vice versa. And this was programmed by Nature a long time ago. Let us see this difference in detail.
The Libido of Men and Women Changes
The following graph shows, how the libido of average men and women changes in the course of their lifetime. It is drawn just to demonstrate the difference of the sexual drive of males and females. It surely does not mean, that this is the only norm and there are no exceptions. Every person is unique. Though this graph simplifies the real situation so much, it explains a lot.
Male and Female libido
An average man has the highest sex drive, when he is 15 to 20 years old and then his sexual appetite declines. An average woman achieves her libido peak at the age of 35 to 40. Thus, the libido of both men and women vary with time. But a man and a woman of the same age having the same sexual appetite is not a frequent case. The following situations are surely familiar to you. A forty years old woman dates a teenager, because her husband does not want sex as often as she does and this boy can and wants it exactly so often. At the same time a man of this woman’s age finds a perfect sexual partner in a twenty years old girl. Both couples achieve harmony in their sexual life. But how is it possible, if they are so different? If you look at the graph, you can see, that the sexual desire of a young woman is similar to that of a forty years old man. But when this woman gets older, her sexual appetite will grow and she will prefer a younger partner, as the libido of a teenage guy would normally be the same as hers.
Duration of the Sexual Act
Another battleground is the duration of the sexual act. An average man is like a gas fryer, and an average woman can be compared to an electric fryer. It takes only a few moments for a gas fryer to become hot, but then it can be turned off and cool quickly as well, when the food is ready. An electric fryer gets warm slowly till it is hot and after this it needs much time to cool. This is why women often need more time than men to get ready for sex.
Knowing the nuances of the libido of men and women is one of the most important steps to achieve harmony with your sexual partner. Please, be more patient with your partner and attend to each other’s needs.
Hey,
My current girlfriend in college wants to have sex like 6 times a day and we’re both currently 21; so I was wondering if her sexual appetite is going to increase in the next few years how am I keep up with her?
hmmmm You cant. You better get some drugs to keep up and pray it will slow down a little. She will get it no matter what.
John,
lots of men would probably say, you’re very lucky with your girldfriend’s sexual appetite. The graph in the article shows, how sexual desire of average men and women changes with the age, but, of course, it doesn’t mean, that your girlfriend’s libido is going to increase in the next years. Your girlfriend is unique and her sexual appetite is not like that of most women of her age. Just enjoy it and your relationships and don’t worry.
My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and although he sometimes hides the fact that he wants to have sex more than he lets on because he knows that I don’t want to. Sometimes I feel very guilty for not wanting to as much as he does, which I know I shouldn’t because I mostly just don’t feel like it. He sometimes claims that there is something wrong with me because I hardly ever am “in the mood” so I don’t know if this is normal or not that I only am in the mood 2-3 a week. Is there something wrong with me? and will this pattern ever change?
Molly, it’s a fact, that lots of pairs suffer from different sexual appetites of his and hers. It’s very important to talk about this difference with your partner. Your boyfriend is now exactly at his libido peak (20 years old), he might want sex several times a day. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting sex as much as he does, because an average woman reaches her libido peak later, at the age of 35-45 and it was programmed by mother nature long ago. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, if you’re in the mood 2-3 times a week. This is even more often, than an average woman of your age is.
As already said, talk to him. Explain to him, that you’re not in the mood as often as he is not because you don’t love him or don’t find him sexually attractive. Roughly speaking, your body and your mind decide, how much sex they need to “function” correctly. By the way, as it was said in the article, it takes only a few moments for a man to get turned on (like a gas fryer), while a woman needs a lot more time (electric fryer). Just an example: only one look at you in a miniskirt might turn him on, while you don’t even think about sex.
It’s very important to mention, that some women don’t want sex until they get some extra stimulation from their partner, which can arouse a strong sexual desire. It’s also necessary to spend on this stimulation as much time as the woman needs. He should just know, how to do it, and here only you can help him. You say, he sometimes claims that there is something wrong with you. Tell him, what you like, what would turn you on at the moment, when he wants to have sex, and what he should do instead of saying there’s something wrong with you. You need his support, but not criticism for something you’re not guilty of. I wish you and your partner full harmony in relationships.
how many times sex/week would be average for men at 40 years old?
about 7 times or more a week is fine for 40s
The Asian female is absolutly fooled by thinking a Western tall man is going to give her more sexual satisfaction and more love security that a short Western man. It is typical of the Asian thinking the way thay look at television and Model advertizements. They are under the misconseption that tall Western men are the answer to theyer parayers. Short Western men are much more loveable and true to theyer women than tall men are. They appreciate the women more and will treat them better. they have bigger dicks and are better lovers and will satisfy the women more. The taller men have smaller thin little dicks and are not what is portraid in the magozines or movies. I am a 5 ft 6 in westerner and have never had a problem with sastisfying a women Weather she be Western or Eastern. I love Asian girls and am sad to see some of the most beautiful Asian girls with some of the most ugliest Western tall men I have ever seen. That is justy unforgivable to see the beautiful Asian girls sell themseves short
My boyfriend is 48 and I’m 43, and my sexual appetite is as high as its ever been! How do I get him to understand, with out him thinking I’m some “sex crazed” woman. (I mentioned to him I handn’t had sex since my Ex. but that doesn’t seem to get him to stop thinking of me as a Nympho.) Any suggestions on what to tell him? Also how many times should a man his age be able to perform per week and per night? I can do it often, but he seems to think 1x per week and once per night is all he can do…. Can you shed some light on what can help increase his libido (w/out drugs)? BTW he works out but is very tall, so not sure if that has an effect on his libido? Any comments/advice is appreciated.
Ps.) Also what’s normal for a man his age? How many times per night and week should he want to have sex? I just don’t want to seem like I’m asking for too much….
Also what is normal for a man who is 48-50yrs. old? How man times is normal for him to want sex per day and week ? I just don’t want to seem like I’m being irrational or not very understanding….
TFC,
You and your boyfriend have one of the most widespread problems of all couples – difference in libido. And this is normal. You ask, what to tell him, so that he doesn’t think you’re a Nympho. You could show him this article, the graph and explain, that what is happening with you is a norm. Let him recall his libido when he was 20, how often he wanted sex – just remind him, how he was and what he felt and compare with how you are now. He should understand, that everything is ok with you, because it used to be the same with him. Do this to avoid conflicts, explain to him, why this difference exists. Already the fact that you wrote the comment here means you care for him and your relationships and want you both happy, I don’t think, he would think you “sex crazed”, if you try to get him to understand it this way.
As for your question about how often a man of his age should want sex, it’s very difficult to say. This is such an individual thing (I can say the same to Susan’s question). If there’s ever been conducted a study on the topic, unfortunately, I don’t have information about it. The only thing is clear – in most cases men’s sexual desire decreases with time and is not so high at the age of 48-50 and it is on average not so strong as your libido now. He is absolutely healthy with once per week and once per night. Pathology is when he doesn’t want sex at all – in this case the man would need some medical advice.
Regarding his physical activity, I don’t think, his workouts could affect his libido a lot. Maybe, of course, he spends much force there, comes back home tired and needs nothing, but rest, but don’t think, that sport “steals” your sex. It’s very likely, that his libido would the same without workouts. Once a week is just his individual norm.
I could suggest some things, which would probably help to increase his libido without drugs like viagra. Don’t expect extreme changes, but it can work. Maybe you’ve heard, that what the man eats and drinks influences his libido. If you live together, you can easily prepare foods that refer to erotic cuisine. Examples are sea foods, farinaceous foods, milk foods. Use aromatic spices in different dishes, like oregano or basil. Lots of foods and drinks work as aphrodisiacs – just learn about them, search for some recipes. If you want, you can read more about erotic cuisine here: http://geniuscook.com/erotic-cookery/
What I’d also like to add is be understanding. If you want sex and he doesn’t, don’t be very insistent. Caress and care are the best you can do to motivate him.
I’am 26 years old and my sex drive is sky high i wish i could do it 3 times a day yet my partner is 21 and she’s never in the mood, if up to her she would have sex 4 times a month. what should i do?
Nash,
Your sex drive is higher than that of your girlfriend, and that’s normal in your age and hers. You are asking, what to do in this situation. The most important thing is to talk about the problem. First of all, you both should agree, that this is a problem and nobody is to blame for its existence, it’s just Nature. Then discuss the ways of solving it. Be sincere. Before discussing the problem let her know, that you care about her and that no matter what’s the reason, you are not going to condemn her for anything, like not being interested in you, being frigid, never being in the mood and so on. She should know, she could tell you everything.
So, what could be the reason of her not wanting sex? Maybe there are things, which she can’t tell you, but which stop her. For instance, before sex she would like to take a shower first, freshen herself up, but doesn’t want to tell you about it. Or she might be too shy to have sex at daytime for some reasons. She might also not enjoy sex as much as she could to want it as often as you do. Women can be very much focused on one problem and be too shy or afraid not to be understood by their partner to speak about it. Most women can’t have sex, when they are stressed or have a problem, it just doesn’t let us relax, as opposed to men, whom sex helps manage stress.
All these words about your partner are just assumptions. If you create a confidential atmosphere, you will be able to get to know, what’s wrong and how to solve the problem of different sexual appetites. How do you let her know, that you want sex? Are doing this correct? Is the way you do this the best one to turn her on, too? Find out, what she likes and what turns her on most, too. This will be very useful.
Make sure, that you know your partner, talk to her, let her share her feelings, pay more attention to her and, I am sure, she will appreciate it and reward you for it… maybe, with a great sex.
Sorry, this sounds like formulaic nonsense. What twenty yr old woman finds a perfect partner in a forty yr old man?
Kitty, I’m afraid, you don’t know life enough, if this is nonsense for you. There are many such couples, I even know examples personally. And what is perfect in such relashionships is that the sexual appetite of him and her is the same. I’m not speaking about other aspects of the life of such couples.
different people have different sex drives, if you want her to be more in the mood, you have to tease her and tease her and tease her get it, I only just realised this after splitting up with my gf. Don’t make the same mistake, if she feels guilty and will give it to you just for you then it will make her feel uncomfortable and she will get fed up and leave. So understand before she goes and wish me luck getting my ex back.
I am a 35 yo man. My wife is 39 going on 40. We have been married for five years. My sex drive is much higher than her. According to the graph she should be in her sexual peak and I should be on a down slope. I our case it’s it’s quite the oppersite. She’s never in the mood. We’ve had talks and sometimes arguments about the the lack of sex. I can remember not so long ago we went a whole month without touching one another. She’s good with 1 a week (maybe). We don’t have small children, She decided to put her career on hold and go back to school full time. So she has more than enough time on her hands. But as we talk and she assures me things will get better, those are purely words with no action to follow. I’m starting to think she’s having an affair. Here’s the funniest thing of all. After sex she goes to right to sleep, while i’m still very much wide awake with a rock hard, hard on very feeling dissatisfied. Masturbation and porno is starting to get veeeerrrrrryyyyy boring. What can I do to boost her libido? (If that’s the case) I take care of the kids, and do most of the cooking and cleaning so when she comes home all she has to do is homework (3 to 4 hours) and that’s it. I took on the extra responsibilities to see if my sex drive would fall like hers. Answer to that is NO. I work a full time job come home cook and clean and make sure the kids homework and studying are done. Plus she gets home before me. Can you instruct me on how to get her more in the mood and less defensive?
Wolf, that’s right, your wife should be in her sexual peak, but the graph shows the libido of average men and women of the age. There are always exceptions in reality. And your wife is this exception, and this is not her fault. I can say, I really respect you for all the things you do (taking care of the kids, preparing food, cleaning) and your wife should be extremely grateful for it. Many women would envy her.
If she falls asleep right after sex, she may anyway be very tired in the evening, though you help her that much with the chores. Studying also takes a lot of her energy. If she doesn’t do all those things, when she comes home, it doesn’t mean, that she still has that much force, her body is less strong, than yours. Even taking some vitamins, eating a balanced diet rich in all necessary nutrients, regular walks in the fresh air and the right daily regimen with enough sleep could give her a little more energy during the day and, of course, for sex after a busy day.
Letting your wife know, that you’re not totally satisfied with the relationship (but in a very-very tender manner) could make her change her attitude to sex or even fear to lose you, but I would not recommend to provoking such negative thoughts, as this is anyway stress, which actually nobody needs, although some people do so. This is unfair.
The best way to make a woman want sex is to show her, how good sex can be in practice. Are you sure, she experiences orgasm every time you have sex? Make it sure for her, that she will have it every time. In order to give her pleasure in sex, you should know, what she likes most. You can learn it experimentally or by asking her during sex or an intimate talk. Maybe you do something wrong in bed (sorry, I only suppose), and this could be the reason she doesn’t want sex often. Find it out and never do, what she doesn’t like.
As a woman I can say, that insisting on sex too much can only irritate. One should act more delicately. When men insist too much on sex, some women agree to do it, just in order not to conflict with the partner, without the proper mood, which is, by the way, extremely important for a woman. It can be, that she’s just not sure in herself (appearance, for example), then your task is to prove her you love her and that she’s beautiful by making compliments, for instance. If needed, give her some time before sex to “freshen herself up”, so that she’s sure in the way she looks. By the way, men should do this too, as for some women it’s impossible to have sex without it. If she prefers it in the darkness, let it be so. If she likes doing it in bed – don’t insist on other places. Make sex comfortable for her, and she will like sex more.
And don’t forget to find time only for you two, even only once a week – without children, work, study, domestic chores – a time, when you and she exist only for each other. Have a romantic dinner, visit unusual places, do crazy things – relax. When the woman doesn’t think about problems, when the woman is relaxed, she’s ready for sex.
i think women want sex as much as men want…but they will hide their feelings
i am a very unhappily married father to be. My wife is so lazy she never washes her hair, hardly ever showers, never uses perfume, and wears the same clothes 2-3 times a week without washing them. we have a dead sexual relationship. i am totally unattracted to her, and we have only been married 16 months.
p.s.
there is a baby on the way.
any advice would be great
thanks
bigshow
Jeff, this is sad. But before giving any recommendations there are some things unclear, namely, did your wife behave the way she does now before marriage? Such things sometimes happen to women, once they get married, especially if they dreamt about marriage and have finally got it. Another thing I’d like to know is how old the baby is.
Judging by the time you are together, the baby was born not a long time ago. Maybe your wife’s pregnancy and the childbirth made her turn the way, that she’s absolutely disinterested in how she looks (smells etc.)? There are lots of women, who suffer from postpartum depression. And if the behavior of your wife completely changes after she has born a child, this can be a symptom. And this condition should be treated. In this case she needs, first of all, your support and, maybe, professional psychological or even medical help.
Another thing, that could happen to your wife is she just has no time for herself because of the baby. But I can’t say, whether this is true, as I’ve no idea about your family life (who takes care of the child, who prepares food, who earns money etc.). But if this is the case, she needs your help in domestic chores, taking care of the child and so on. This would give her more time for herself.
Here’s another variant. If the life of your wife didn’t change that much after childbirth, she is, maybe, just disinterested. I think, she needs a stimulus to want to be beautiful. If you provide her with it – it is very likely to change her. Some men use such techniques, as making the partner stressed, so that she finally understands, that she may lose him (making feel jealous, for example). After such behavior of men women change their attitude to the husband and do their best to look beautiful and attractive to them. It’s up to the certain man whether to choose one of such techniques or not. Unfortunately, some women, once they get married, think, that their husbands will be forever near them and so to say “relax” (don’t care of their own appearance), while it’s better to strive for looking good always.
Jeff, tell me, please, did you tell your wife, that the way she looks doesn’t attract you? Does she know, that you’re not satisfied with her? Maybe she has no idea and just believes, you love her the way she is (“natural” and even with greasy hair) and there’s nothing that should be changed. Let her know in a very tender manner, that she needs to change, otherwise she risks your marriage. The main thing is that she should understand, that she does something wrong, something you don’t like (again, absolutely not roughly). The next step should be to motivate her to want to change (you should choose the way to do this on your own). Then you should show her the way to change and help her in doing it. And after it – only maintain the result.
I understand, that this sounds like an economics model and following it would be really hard, but this scheme could change your wife. And there’s nobody else, who could do this, but you. I wish you good luck.
Wolfe..I think she is doing the mailman. Just my opinion..if it walks like a duck..and quacks like a duck..you know the drill..
I’m 23, my boyfriend is 29. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for two years, and we have a pretty good relationship. A while back (on 4 different occasions) I caught him talking very naughty to other women…namely women from his past. He’s said he isn’t quite sure why he did it, he belives it was pure morbid curiosity. Aside from that…We’ve always had sexual chemistry but, he’s never had a high libido. I’ve tried just about everything to get his attention and sometimes with results, most of the time without. When we do have sex, he feels very bad if I can’t get an orgasm and even falls into bouts of depression. He’s also (ever since we first got together) had problems staying erect during sex…I don’t think I am an unattractive person…and he says he finds me very beautiful…sex aside, we have a very close relationship after we got over the talking naughty to other women thing…
If I can be direct, I’m not interested in accusations of him cheating, we’ve already worked through that part…I am only interested in trying to fix my sex life with him…if I can. Thank you for your time.
Brighty
Your bf has someone else mb those chicks he spoke naughty with. He may sleep with other women (or woman) and that’s why he has no time and “stamina” in bed for you. Sorry Brighty but this is the sign if a 29 y.o. man can hardly have sex.
I don’t tend to accuse people of adultery, unlike Moory. Brighty, your boyfriend is young, and men of his age usually have high libido. Even if he just had low libido (which would also be normal) he would still be able to finish the intercourse, once he started, especially if you don’t have sex often. Judging by your description, if your boyfriend experiences problems staying erect during sex, this may be a symptom of erectile dysfunction. I don’t mean with this he is impotent, but it may be, that he still has some disorder. You may read about what causes the lack of erection here: http://geniusbeauty.com/men-and-women/lack-of-sexual-erection-what-a-woman-should-do/
He may be uninformed about the issue or just not assume he could have any problems with his sexual health, as men are often afraid of such things and prefer thinking, they are ok and at the same time fall into depression. However, this is absolutely not fatal, and it can be treated, especially if he does have the erection. The main point is that your boyfriend assumes measures as soon as possible and visits a doctor.
If he doesn’t decide to visit the doctor himself, you should ask him to do this. With endearing words tell him he needs it, but be careful not to hurt him, men are so sensitive about such things. Finally, if one catches a cold and the other one tells them they have a disorder and need a doctor, why not doing this for the sake of health? By the way, it’s also for the sake of your sexual relationships. Anyway, be tender with him.
It’s absolutely not your fault that he cannot achieve orgasm or stay erect during sex. It doesn’t mean, that you are unattractive – vice versa, if you are together, he likes the way you look, especially if he says that you are beautiful. It means that he really thinks so, otherwise, what would he lie for?
Jeff, how about taking a look at what you are doing. How about first giving her some attention and not just wanting sex. She is carrying your baby. Have you ever though that maybe she is experiencing depression or having some self esteem or body changing issues. Have you offered to help wash her hair, bath her, placed some clothes for her on the bed or helped her dress, putting lotion on her stomach, talking to the baby inside her tummy. What are you doing to help her feel beautiful while she is caring your child? I think it is a shame that you just can slam your wife. I am a man and I would not do this to my wife. Sounds like you are very unhappy because of you. Don’t blame her. Help her and if things don’t improve, talk to her physician. Also, try to be more supportive, understanding and loving.
Seahorse
Well, since I started this post almost 7 months with my initial question, I figured I would update to say I don’t know what the hell I was worried about back then, we’ve moved to separate cities and continue dating and now when we see eachother all we want to do (slight exageration) is ravage eachother and sleep next to one another. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to find anyone as sexually compatible as this beautiful gal. Anyway, sorry to hear about peoples troubles. Take care everyone.
My boyfriend and i have been together for just under a year. i was a virgin when i first met him, he waited for me for a long time. now we have sex 2ish times a week (not sure if that is due to the fact we live on different times of the city and it is difficult to find time etc). i know that he would be happy to have sex every day, but for me 2 or 3 times is enough. i have asked him how often he had sex with his last girlfriend- 4 to 5 times a week. i feel as though i am letting him down, and if he has been with someone previously who had sex more often is he more likely to move on? i love him and i dont want to lose him but i just dont feel like it. i have an orgasim about once a week, an he does most times- but he takes a very very long time until i think that i get chaff! we have tried many different positions and it is mostly the same. any advice on speeding him up a little and then we may do it more often.
Margie, that wasn’t a good idea to ask him about his previous girlfriend, it can only hurt you (btw, it’s not 100% truth that they had it that often). You are individual, as well as she. Moreover, you are the person who he is dating with, but not her. He is with you because he loves you. And he does the way you are. Don’t be afraid to lose him because he wants more sex. If even this happens (sorry), you won’t need to suffer, as only stupid men do this, those who treat their partners as only sexual objects, and you don’t need a stupid bf, do you? Just don’t focus on bad things, better think about how you can improve your sex life. And this is possible.
It’s normal that you want sex not so often as he does. Especially if you don’t get a lot satisfaction from it. That’s not only positions that can make you have orgasm every time and get in the mood faster. Your bf shouldn’t forget about romantic, comfort, love, kissing – well, the prelude. He might be not experienced in sex as well, although he had sexual partner(s) before. And the way you describe it proves, he’s not very experienced. Don’t be shy and tell him or show him what you like, where your erogenic zones are and, of course, during sex, never let him forget about the clitoris, which is “the most erogenic” zone for every woman. Don’t be afraid to ask him about something that you are sure to bring pleasure even if you think it’s dirty or shameful. Finally, what about oral sex? This is so pleasant. Once you tell it and he becomes good at it – you will be thankful to yourself that you shared it with him and will only enjoy sex. Good Luck! And good sex!
I don’t think that this chart defines everyone, I’m a 20 year old female and would have sex with my boyfriend everyday. Mutiple times a day if we had the time.
hi im mike ive got a little problem wiv my other half only just started going out and her sex drive is through the roof 4 hrs to b honest and i cant keep up wiv her is there anything i can do or take to keep up wiv her never seen anything like it
Mike, you’re lucky to have a girlfriend who wants sex so much, other men can envy you. You don’t need to have real sex every time, if you don’t want to. You can just learn how to satisfy her (you surely know what I mean) and do this every time you don’t feel like. She will be thankful and satisfied. You will be satisfied as well and not exhausted. No one offended. Both happy.
Seahorse is crazy…are you suppose to bribe her to get her to shower? What if she insists that from then on she’ll only take a bath if you assist her lol? She may have Post Partum Depresion true, but even if true blaming the husband makes no more sense then blaming the wife. It’s in essence a disease and no one is at fault.
Get her looked at…there are some pharmaceuticals to treat it.
hi, i’m danielle : ) i’m 21 and my boyfriend’s 31, and i need help!!! according to the charts, his sex drive should be alot higher than mine, but in my case, it’s the complete opposite. i could have sex everyday, and he only wants it once a week. when we talk about it, he tells me that sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, and accuses me that sex is all i care about, he even said i should see a doctor, which i feel is a terrible thing to say, because i think that it’s normal. i just have a very healthy sex drive and i don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. maybe there’s something wrong with him?!!! what should i do? is it ok he only needs sex once a week?
Hi, Danielle! No need to worry, you both are ok. You just have different sexual appetites. You could say, he’s not ok, if he didn’t want sex at all or had, for example, premature ejaculation or erection problems. As I’ve understood, he doesn’t have anything from the list, thus, he’s normal. I would say, you’re lucky to have the libido you have – most men would dream of such a girlfriend!
As for your boyfriend – he’s not 20 anymore, when the only thing guys want is sex. He’s now more serious, he treats you seriously as well, of course, you should appreciate it. This is better than if he treated you only as a sexual object.
I can only suppose that he was more active at the age of 17-22. Btw, how was his sex drive 10 years ago? Did you ask him about it? Maybe his libido decreased with the time, he’s not at his peak with 31. Even if it has always been so, it’s normal.
You’re younger and more emotional, you want sex more than he does. You need less to be turned on. Maybe he needs more for it. Most men need visual stimulation to get really in the mood. Give this to him by appearing sexy when you want sex.
It would be offensive if my husband told me, you need to see a doctor, either. But, maybe, your bf says it just to “defend” himself. He is a man, a quite young man, and he understands that his libido is lower than that of his girlfriend. I think he suffers from this, well he might have complexes, even if he doesn’t show it. The only thing that betrays it is his “should see a doctor”.
Never tell a man there’s something wrong with him – especially with his libido. You can hurt his feeling with it very much. He can start thinking you don’t see a man in him – a real man. This can only worsen your sex life.
A woman needs to be a bit artful to get what she needs (no matter if it’s a fur coat, a flower bouquet or sex). By doing what men like we get a lot of wishes fulfilled – sorry, this may sound cynical, but roughly speaking it is so. The same with your situation. You just need to find what your boyfriend likes and give it to him to get what you need in turn. What? Let me suppose.
Try some new sexual lingerie you never wore before. Try role plays. Try to perform a striptease for him (but this should be prepared in advance) – this works for most men (here are some tips, btw: http://geniusbeauty.com/men-and-women/how-to-dance-striptease-for-you-man/. Surprise him with something. Take a bath with him, find new places for sex. Or just start wearing more sexual clothes every day. In general – try something new. Make sex more interesting for him – I’ve already told this to other people and I will do again: the best way to make somebody want something is to make the person interested. Find the way to do this and be creative every time – he will like it, I’m sure. And never blame him for anything. Good Luck!
Me and my husband have been together for 3 years, it has been a very nice relationship, he is my first and last one. I am 21 and he is 28.. We never had any problems, in fact we were very happy w/t our sexual life. But about 2 months ago I’ve been feeling that I do not want sex, I love him, I feel that I want him but what my body feels is different. I blamed it on him first because he is not the type of men who caresses and kisses… so, I thought that could be the reason….Well he tried to please me (my way) a couple of times and it didn’t work. Now I think is not his fault..I want to know if is me and why all of the sudden I feel no sex appetite even though I miss It and want it…We’ve only made love about 3 times this month and now he is mad at me because he thinks I’ve been lying to him..(i’ve been waiting to see if I can discover it my self without hurting him) He would not even look at me in the eyes or hug me or try to have sex..he says unless I go to the doctor he wont have sex with me. What should I do.? What’s wrong with me?
Lpgirl,
maybe you have the same thing that lots of married couples have – you have lived for some years together and the fact that you are together has become a habit. It’s no more that exciting to have sex as earlier, you can do it every day and it’s no more interesting. Maybe you need to try something new with your husband? Other places for sex, for example? What about the second honeymoon?
Your husband’s wrong to say that unless you go to the doctor he won’t have sex with you. This is very rough. Well, without sex a man can become really aggressive, so try to understand him, too. But he makes a mistake. With these words he won’t help you, he can only worsen the situation.
You say, “He would not even look at me in the eyes or hug me or try to have sex”. This is really cruel. I can only guess he is in despair because he doesn’t know what to do and this is the only thing that’s left is to become angry.
In general, if your sex life was ok before, then there should be the reason why it became worse. If you find the reason, then it’s half the work. Can you suppose what it could be?
Maybe, you have a difficult life period at the moment? Have you changed the job? Have you moved to another city? Are you planning a baby soon? Are your parents ok? If you are stressed then it’s very hard to have high sex drive (it can even be a “hidden stress”). If this is the case, then you don’t need a doctor, as your husband thinks. You need support from your husband instead of his blaming you for not achieving orgasm and not wanting sex. If you have some problems, it would be better to try to solve them first. After your sex life will improve.
You say, “he is not the type of men who caresses and kisses… so, I thought that could be the reason”. Yes, this can be the reason. As while most men need visual stimulations (as I mentioned above in my reply to Danielle, #36), like your naked body for your husband, women often need the prelude to get in the mood and be able to achieve orgasm. We do need kisses, caress, hugs. A man needs to act as a romantic. Does your husband provide it enough? He needs to learn this all if he wants you to want sex. How is your sex without kisses and caress? I can understand, why you don’t want it very often.
You say, “he tried to please me (my way) a couple of times and it didn’t work”. Did he really do everything that could please you? Are you sure he was tender enough with you? Or did he think about his achieving an orgasm? Did he, btw? Does he really know what actions from his side give you orgasm?
I see, that you are trying hard. Why only blaming yourself? Help your husband be more romantic, more tender, sweeter with you. This turns a woman on. And this should work with you.
Another possible reason why you don’t want sex:
Is there anything that irritates you in your husband? Smells, habits? Something that could come to your mind during sex and work as a turn-off. Does he do anything wrong in sex, anything you think is shameful to tell him? Does it hurt sometimes? Does he spend too much time stimulating the wrong zone? Be honest with him – this will only help. Help him avoid mistakes in bed.
I hope, this was helpful. And looking forward to your reply, as it can clear up the situation more.
I’m 35 and I could go every day, but my wife (31) is in the mood maybe once a week if I’m lucky.
I try and be romantic round her, buy her gifts, do chores for her etc, but it doesn’t affect her sex drive. When I go much more than a week without it, I start getting frustrated and have to stop the romance as it gets me even more in the mood.
She’s now talking babies, which makes me even more frustrated. She tells me she’s willing to have frequent sex to make a baby, but she’s never been willing to have frequent sex for me.
I’m thinking of getting either a lover or a divorce!
Sex within a marriage is not a privilege, it is part of the marriage contract that a husband and wife should have sex. It is not okay for a wife to say she does not want to have sex the same way it is not okay for the man to say he does not feel like working. We should stop accepting lies, fantasies and excuses generated for not wanting to do something. Just because I am a woman, I don’t feel like it, and it is supposed to be okay! No! that is wrong! Most husbands do not hesitate to have sex with their wives when the women initiate intimacy. Why should men have to beg? Most of the time men don’t get it even when they beg for it. Yet, the wives still want the mortgage payment paid for the month!
Years ago, women complained that men are not doing enough house work. Many of the husbands were lured to the kitchen. As soon as the men get comfortable preparing meals the same wives abandoned the kitchen and threw their cooking aprons into the trash can. No wonder the grocery lines that used to be dominated by women are now dominated by men in suits after office hours getting ready to cook dinner. The same wives are now abandoning the bedroom as they abandoned the kitchen and we are wondering what is happening to the American family!
Many of the wives on the show had the “Prima-Donna Complex” and they are saying, “I’m married to you and I don’t have to have to be intimate with you because I got the gold or diamond on my finger.” Many times I have over heard some married women saying that, they only have sex with their husbands only if they wish to do so as if doing the men some favor. Marriage romance is a joint venture not a combat zone or a place to exercise ego. Women who continued this prima-donna complex eventually lose their husbands to the mistress or the other woman.
Hi Im 27 years old and my lovely man is 40yrs old we’ve been together for almost 3 years. My sex drive is sky high we usually do it once or twice a week, our lovemaking is fantastic but Im always wanting more. Am I too greedy for wanting more?? Ahhh its driving me crazy!! I love my darling but sometimes I get really fustrated when we dont do it! Im always thinking when we are going to do it next. How can I slow my sex drive down???. Hahaha cold showers don’t seem to work….
My Question, I am 47 years old and have been dating a man 27, he is now living with me. We have a awesome sexual relationship WHEN it happens, usually about 2 to 3X per week, I want more, what should I do, he explains that its not all about sex and that I should be patient, but being next to him at night turns me on in a very sexual way, I feel like I am too sexual, am I?? please help!
Is a woman at this age at her sexual peak??
I’m afraid no one is answering our questions here. It is not fair that some people have had comments on their questions an from a point on…the rest of us haven’t. I really would like an opinion on my problem posted on oct 14. Thanks
Hi, Lpgirl,
thanks for your comments and for your question. Sorry that it takes so long to reply, I promise, I will do as soon as possible.
Take care.
Forgot to mention, I’m going to change the date of my replies so that they appear right after the corresponding comments. I think, this will be better.
41 y/o man – 34 y/o woman. My drive is like a 20 y/o. Here is either full throttle or nothing. We’ve tried everything, including swinging. Her drive is simply not consistent. We are both committed to the relationship, but when I tell her that I am suppressing myself except for the 5 times a month (usually in the same week, with zilch in between) she is on (which is mind-blowingly good), she feels inadequate. If I forget the oil, I get blisters weekly. My option is to take someone like Prozac to shot don my libido, because it really becomes a problem. I am unable to tell if she is playing games with me, teasing me, or tweaking me in or to make something happen. If I guess wrong, it ruins us for the next few days. When she is with other guys, she has no problems letting herself go, but with me, even after 8 years, she can’t bring herself to let go. Sounds like i am the issue, even though she swears otherwise. She was looking for a female Viagra, but says there isn’t such a thing. It really sounds like the only answer is for me, the guy, to suppress my desires. It worked for the past 5 years, until she asked me to be honest about it, now it bothers her that I am suppressing, but there is nothing in her behavior that has changed that indicates I should not continue. I am interpreting this that I should lie to her about how much I have to suppress myself, and keep her happy, and just deal with it. I get the feeling this is the reality of most men, and the ‘cutesy’ idea that women like to say they have just as much of those feelings as men do is a fairy tale. Next time you hear a woman spout that line, ask her if she is ready to go. When she says ‘no!’ or a variation thereof, just smile, and say, ‘see, told ya!’. Girls, it isn’t the same. yeah, it may last a week or two, perhaps even a few months, but then you die down, and leave us guys with the real libidos hanging. You just get hooked up with a lamer with ‘issues’, so you can say, ‘but the stats are opposite for me!’ Uh huh. There are nice, sensitive, well educated, self-sufficient guys out there who will drill you into the ground until you cry ‘uncle’, if it means enough to you to look. Just do not judge a guy by the first year. See if they can still hang after 5 years. That means keeping multiple targets on the hook for long periods of time. Men, same advice to you. Don’t get all excited when the first 6 months to a year is a seaman’s wet dream – keep juggling them for 4-5 years, and see who is still able to provide.
See it all,
The Man
Hey,
My gf is a couple years younger than me and Im in my 20s. But we have been having sex at the beginning of the relationship a lot more often then we do now. We would have it a few times at least every second day but now we’re only seeing each other once or twice a week, but now those days we do get time to see one another she isn’t in the “mood”. Is there something that could be the matter, that has suddenly changed the way she wants to have sex with me. As before she’d want it a lot more often and actually start the occasion but now it seems to be me, as the only one pursuing it.
Is there something that is wrong or what I have tried asking her how come it seems like she never wants it but she just says that she doesn’t feel like it as often. And it isn’t that we never have it. But now its like once ever two weeks. But for me thats a drastic change not to have her wanting it any more.
Any help or ideas?
Thanks,
KP
Hi, I’m Jason, 25 years old and currently in a relationship.
I’ve got kind of a basic question that I think need be cleared up:
What exactly is meant by sex drive?
Does it mean how often you feel the need to have sex? Does it mean how well you perform sexually? Does it mean the amount of pleasure you get out of a love-making session?
I think this we need to clear this up because I’m curious if I’ll still be able to enjoy sex in, let’s say, 20 years.
Thank you Geniousbeauty! Well, I just wanted to tell you that after I spoke with my husband about the problem and like I said he was angry… Well 2 weeks later my period came, and after it I was feeling great! I am feeling those things that I didn’t feel for a while. I hope that “the strange feeling” doesn’t come back…or I will have to keep a journal of my sex life to see what could be the problem. I think that letting him know what I was feeling took a lot of that weight from my shoulders, now I just need to keep working on my relationship so this won’t happen again. Many of the things you told me would stay on my mind to remind me of what could be the reasons and what I should do. Thank You for your Ideas!! I hope I don’t need to ask for help again.
hi, everybody!
thank you for visiting my blog and for commenting. I will anyway answer all your questions, but, sorry, I can’t always do it fast. Many of your comments deal with sexual drive of couples. I decided to publish another article about this issue – “Sex and Marriage”, you can read it here: http://geniusbeauty.com/men-and-women/sex-marriage/
I hope, it will answer some of your questions, like why the sex drive decreases when you live together with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time.
Take care.
well according to the graph,man in their 40 need a younger woman and woman in their 40 a younger man …than when we are in our 50 sexdrive levels with man and woman being the same ..now we are stuck with young kids and we can satisfy them ….and they have to suffer with our old wrinkled A$$ES…..so the moral of the story ..when you in your late 30-40 and want to leave your wife of the same age ..just understand that …this younger woman and or younger man will also leave you when they reach their sexual peak…..and we cant deliver anylonger…and that is why love is more than sex ..and the best for children is haveing parents of comparable age …..not dads that are actually grand dads not dads…..and older man are just as ugly and unapealing to me than older woman …so why dont they stay together and raise their children and act like normal human beings not like sex crazed aging fools………..iam going only with a man my age ..5 years up or down……not some nasty bug eyed old f.a.r.t
I’m 26 years old and my libido is through the roof. I definitely want it everyday. My partner is 10 years older than me at 36, however her libido is to her admittal not what it used to be, which doesn’t seem to match up with what the graph is saying. I know you said everyone is unique, is it possible she has already reached her peak? Or is her peak yet to come?
I’m just curious where this information came from? because my boyfriend, while trying to convince me to have sex with him, told me that female libido peaks at age 25 (I want to wait till marriage, and don’t want to marry till I’m out of school, and that won’t be till I’m 26) and I’d like to show him this article, but he won’t believe it unless he sees the cold hard facts and how the info was gathered.
Thanks
~Mimi
I am a 31 year old woman that has always had a very high libido, wanting it as many times a day as I can get it, and at the least, every night. I also like different places and positions and just basically pretty adventurous. I’m in a lesbian relationship with a 29 year old woman that pleases me greatly in bed, but is happy with it about 2-3 times a week. She is trying so hard to please me more often, and she does. But it still causes some tension and fights every now and then. I really hope that it doesn’t cause the end of our relationship like all of my other relationships. Why does sex have to rule my relationships so much and is it possible to find someone with the same high libido as me? Thanks.
I’m a nineteen year old female and my fiance is a twenty-one year old male. I want to have sex 2-3 times a day and he only seems to want to have sex 2-3 times a month. Is there anything I can do to reduce my libido?
I am 30 years old and have been with the same man, faithfully, for almost 7 years. I also have had a brain surgery and a heart surgery in 2007. Young I know for all this! But, my boyfriend and I seem to argue alot. Sometimes to the point that we are yelling over each other and he is threating to “snap my neck”. He tells me that I have “issues” because I don’t think about sex 24/7. I have 2 children, ages 5 & 10. My 5year old started Kindergarten this year. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like sex and I have orgasms everytime, it is just that I am extremely tired from trying to do “daily life” as a responsible parent… cleaning, laundry, washing dishes while the kids are at school so when they get home we can do more family things together, like play UNO or a board game every now and then. Now keep in mind that I give it to him about every other night or at least 2 times a week. If we are not having intercoarse then I am pleasing him in other ways. Today we argued to the point where I had to leave because all he was doing was calling me names and trying to get me to “yell and argue Back with him. I love him and even though he has gained about 100 pounds since we got together, I enjoy sex with him, I just don’t think of it 24/7. I deal with pain everyday, I had a brain surgery and I have life long symptoms. Not trying to use that as an excuse but on the days where I feel “ok” I would rather load the dishwasher and get caught up on the laundry than go have ” 15 minute sex” He is always making me feel guilty when I say ” honey, I love you but I am just not in the mood right now, I am tired and in a lot of pain right now” When I do say no to intercourse, i try to please him in other ways but he gets all bent out of shape and stomps out of the room mumbling under his breath. I wake up the next day and he is moping around the house and slamming things trying to get me to fight with him. I know that I should be having sex more than 2-3 times a week, but I feel that I can’t say no to him without days of bullsh*t and him trying to argue and calling me “abnormal” and saying that there is something wrong. I feel that he is not understanding. What do i need to do? Somebody tell me that I am normal and that it is okay to occasionally tell my man “no” without fighting!
I am 36 years old and my partner is 37. i would like to be able to be intimate with her 2 or 3 times a week. She feels that 2 or 3 times a month is more than enough. In fact, theevery time we are intimate in a normal month actually feel like she is doing me a favor. I make sure that she climaxes every time we have intercourse, but this still does not encourage her to have sex more often. She can set the limits on how many times we have intercourse—I cannot and will not force myself upon her, of course. However, I don’t seem to have a say in how active our sex life should be.
By your graph my girl and I should be decently matched, yet my sex drive feels as srtong as when I was 18-22 and hers is either not fired up or has long past. I don’t think your graph works because I am turning 32 this year and she will be 34………. about the only thing in me that’s come down is my aggression and ability to control myself when shes not wanting…. In my youth with the testosterone My legs would thump up and down impatiently while my mind raced with Ideas on just how to make my other bend to my wishes. I still want to make her bend to my will, trust me but now I’m calmer about it and I think my thoughts are more respectful too now. Still Wish she had the animal urges I do.
My boyfriend is 28, I am 25. He feels that he is owed sex at least once per day while I feel satisfied with 4x per week. I certainly don’t feel that I am withholding anything from him and wouldn’t call him deprived by any means but when I don’t feel “in the mood” we fight about it. Three days ago I wasn’t “in the mood” and he was so angry with me that it ruined the rest of our day. We have argued about it everyday since then and now it’s been 3 days since we’ve done anything. Now I’m starting to feel deprived, but for me it’s an emotional thing and I can’t feel that desire for him when I’m so angry with him and he still maintains that it’s “my duty” to do it whenever he wants it. It feels like a downward spiral and I don’t know how to escape it. Please help…. any advise is better than none at all.
Hi I am wondering if my boyfriend’s libido will increase or decrease as he gets older. I am 24 and he is 23. I would like to have sex often, at least 4,5,6 times a week. He seems satisfied with once a week. My libido has been very high, sex has not been a priority to him. Although I am satisfied I would like his libido to be on par with mine. Have you any advice?
I am 36, my fiance is 31. We argue about sex every single day. He wants sex every day. I want sex whenever it happens. I would like for it to be spontaneous instead of feeling like it’s my “duty.” I ask him where’s the romance? I say if sex happens, it happens. If it doesn’t it doesn’t. I understand it’s an important part of an intimate and commited relationship. However, I don’t feel special to him. I feel like a piece of meat. I feel like I’m not allowed to be tired. I’m not allowed to be on my period. Because all I get are comments. .. ie: well, guess I won’t get any now! -or- figures! You got your way again. I’m sick of it!! He has a lot of traits that I love and I do think he is sexy. However, I’m a stay-at-home for now and am busy all the time!! So at the end of a long day, when I feel those sheets lay against my skin, sometimes, I’d just like to go to sleep…..but sleeping isn’t allowed until I’ve done my “duty.” He’ll say well, you can stay up late on facebook and talk to old high school friends, but you can’t stay up late to have sex with me. Sex, sex, sex…. I’m sick of it! It’s causes our relationship to be out of control. We argue about it so much that I’m getting to where I could care less about sex. How in the world do I make him understand where I’m coming from? I mean, what does he want me to do? Fake it?? I tell him….when we do have sex, it’s out of this world, and it always is! So, why isn’t that good enough? No matter how often it happens. I could understand his frustration if we “never” had sex… but 4 times out of 6 days isn’t even good enough for him. And on some of those nights we have sex 3 times in a row….so I guess I just don’t understand why he’s making such a big deal about it! Not to mention, he acts like a child and pouts when he doesn’t get it which is a huge turn-off for me! I don’t know what to do……………
D, I’m so sorry and I understand you very good. I have the same problem with my bf.
I have one small secret how to avoid all that problems.
i am 22 and my husband is 29 sex is great 4 him, while i want to have sex 4 to 5 times a day, is there something wrong with me??????????????
Hi Liz – I don’t think anything is necessarily wrong…. at least I hope not as I am facing a similar thing. I am 23 and want sex ALL THE TIME but my man (who is 26) is fine with an average of once every couple of weeks….This (of course) is not sufficient for me. I always ask if he is doing himself in between because I don’t understand how that amount is sufficient to him and he doesn’t – he just says that he isn’t as sexual. That drives me crazy because the moment SEX comes into my mind I can’t think or sleep….. We used to fight about this all the time until he bought me a viberator and some lube – he said he doesn’t want to fight but understands what I need (and this has really helped)…..They say that a woman’s sexual peak is 35 – 40 so I really wonder what the next 12 – 15 years will be like
Sorry – one last thing that I should have added. I don’t really have any advice (except the viberator – that is gooooooodddd advice) but I can say that from my research this miss-match is normal. It totally sucks…. but I find some comfort in know that it isn’t me and it isn’t just my man. We are all sexy and should feel that way. I have probably had enough fights on this for all us “deprived” ladies out there but hopefully you have a man that can meet you half way and if not – get some batteries and a toy
I have a problem, I am 22 and my husband is 29. Most of the time I have to either make him feel bad, complain, or practicaly beg him to have sex. It’s even so bad that sometimes I pick a fight just to make up, but where this problem gets tricky is the other day I found some porn that he downloaded on the computer and he got very defensive about it when I asked him. We have great sex and I am not one of those women that are closed minded. I have taught him things he never knew so I know it’s not because I’m not doing things that he was to do but I still don’t understand why. Someone please give me some advice.
me and my girlfriend have been toghetehr for 7 years. we have had a nice sexual relationship for a while but the last year is no good . she doenst want or desire oral sex at all. and unitll i dont iniciate the touch she never strats toget into it. meaning i always have to be the initiator. also now i am afraid to get close or start warming up bacuse i would get dissapointed.
i like sex and i am very active , i am 50 yeras old and she is 29. please try to explain her behaviour.
I am 25 years old and my boyfriend is 40. He only wants to have sex 2x per week, but i am at a stage in life where i want more!!! He says he does feel desire to be with me and I know he can get it hard… but nothing. he says its him and if we do it often he feels pain when he has an orgasm, what can we do? is it normal for a man his age to only be interested in sex 2x a week? And it was only about a year ago he wanted it everyday, is it normal for change to occur so suddenly???
I’m 28 (almost 29) and my younger boyfriend of the ripe age of 24 have different sex drives. You would think he would be the ambitious one but surprisingly its me. He is up at 4:30 am and ready for bed by 9:30 pm. I understand he is tired and has a full schedule but as a woman I have needs too. He is content with sex on the weekends and even then its only once a day if that. He asked me why I want it all the time and I asked why he didn’t. We used to have sex all the time. He used to not be able to keep his hands off of me and out weekends consisted of naked movies and lots of showers. Now I’m lucky if I get a nice comment from him. I feel like although we communicate about everything else wonderfully we are not on the same page sexually. Are we coming to an end?
The graph is wrong. Just go to the Kinsey Institute’s website. Men desire sex more than women at every stage of life. We masturbate more, think about sex more, desire kinky sex more, etc. Sexual orientation doesn’t change a thing: gay men have more sex than lesbians. Men are just more sexual. As a straight guy, I don’t this one bit, but it’s a fact. Strangely, many women don’t like admitting this. They say things like “I LOVE sex, I want it just as much as my boyfriend.” Then they go home and don’t have sex with their boyfriends. I’m not sure I believe the “I had this one girlfriend who wanted it all the time” stories. Maybe I’ve just been unlucky. I’ve dated a couple of girls who at the beginning of the relationship wanted almost as much sex as I did, but most of the girls I’ve been with have wanted FAR less.
Hi Tom, unfortunately you may have just been unlucky with girls you’ve dated. Currently I’m the one in the relationship craving sex more. When we have it, it’s amazing but 2-3 times a week isn’t enough for me. For any men out there with a lower sex drive, have you ever stayed with a partner with a higher one? I don’t know how to make it work.
hi i m april 42 and my wife is feb 42, married for 15years ,but i never had relaxed sex she never allows me to have foreplay b4 actual game ,she always says (go directly as i m not in mood to prolong)..BUT problem for last few months is that she do not want to have sex at all …i cant force her as she starts shouting at midnight ,,,SHE DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX ANY MORE. ,,,CAN some1 guide how to tackle it as i need sex all the times,,if not all the times atleast twice a week…
I’ve thoroughly read everything in here, reading through everyone’s personal thoughts and different opinions on here; even some personal stories on the matter.
With that being said I have a question of my own: Why won’t my boyfriend take the time to give me what /I/ need?
Now, before women start trash-talking men and men start telling me [women] to lay off, let me elaborate.
My boyfriend and I of nearly seven years have been faithfully devoted to each other for all this time. Like usual couples, we’ve had our ups and downs, sometimes one more than the other. To throw into the mix, a year into dating I became pregnant and we have a beautiful five-year-old together. Getting to our sex lives, everything was about equality, as it should be. It was always, “I’m happy to make you happy, that is my only concern.” Sex became less frequent during the later parts of my pregnancy six years ago due to discomfort and healing factors afterward, but then everything went back to normal.
But over the years the sex has been a bit “wonky.” We’ve shamelessly opened new doors to new fetishes and desires that we both agree on, and others we don’t particularly, but we act upon them for the sake of our “other half.” Lately, it’s been more of a chore to keep me satisfied.
Understandably, women have different libidos than men and can be a bit more difficult to /truly/ satisfy. I can understand the frustration men must feel and even perhaps a lessening of confidence in the matter, but please don’t take that the wrong way. It’s just as difficult for us to NOT be, quote-on-quote as easily pleased.
So, back to my question. My boyfriend will expect me to tend to his needs, especially “on-the-go” [i.e.: before going out, before work, etc]. Oral, or four play, such as hand-jobs, etc. Sure. I love you and I will be more than happy to accommodate you. Now although we may act like we expect nothing in return, really, that’s a farce and everyone guiltily knows it. We /WANT/ the same type of pleasure and attention given back in return, whether it be a few hours from then, later that night or the following day. But like any other human being, we cannot wait forever before beginning to question ourselves.
Upon giving him such satisfaction, getting him to “go down south” or any hand-play is like yanking teeth. I won’t say that he does NO foreplay or oral at all because that’s untrue, but it’s small ministrations before jumping readily or not readily into sex. Am I satisfied during intercourse? Yes, but am I asking for more than that? Absolutely.
Am I wrong for wanting oral or foreplay without having to please my boyfriend immediately after or during like I do for him?
But I get the “IOU, love,” a chaste kiss to the head, and then it could be several days to more than a week before I get any flirtatious ministrations. This puts a HUGE dip in my self-esteem as it would any other woman or man, so I’m constantly left wondering, “Am I not doing something right? Am I gross down there? /What’s wrong with me?/”
I feel almost that perhaps it’s just too “troublesome” to take time in making sure I’m satisfied outside of intercourse because it can take us females a bit longer to get fired up. But this mostly true fact shouldn’t make me look down upon myself and wonder why am I being neglected?
If anyone, male or female, has thoughts or opinions they’d like to share, I would very much appreciate it.
I am 32 and my fiancé is 29. I need sex much more than her. I have been very unhappy with her whenever I need sex before going to bed while she is very comfortable sleeping without sex. I make all the advances before we can ever have good sex. She enjoys it but hardly advance on me. I don’t know if she is going to improve since she approaches 35.
Im a 35 year old male who since I was in high school has had the same sexual appetite, wanting as much sex as my partner can handle. My current fiance is 26 years old and seems to be fine with having sex once a week if that at times. There is times where she gives in and we have sex 4 days in a row then nothing for the rest of the month almost. I have never been with a woman like her and it causes arguments a lot in our relationship. Not to mention she regurlary has excuses why she doesnt want to have sex or even do anything at all. Knowing that most men, the brain and what we see or hear stimulates us it kills me that she tells me regurlary that she isnt in the mood or that she cant even give me a blow job let a lone a hand job and just out right tells me NO she isnt doing it. Im not the kind of man that cheats on my females which is a good thing cause I feel that if I were Id have done so long ago and continued to satisfy my secual appetite. I have a problem knowing that this is the woman I will marry and sex isnt a big part of our relationship in a positive way. Im lost and confused and unsure what to do. Our sex mainly consists of me pleasing her and me doing most of the work. She may get on top once a month if that and the fact that she isnt very proactive kills my mental state a lot in our sex life. Ive told her about this and she has said she will try to do better and has a bit but I guess I feel if Im the man she loves and wants to marry then why is it so hard to do simple things to please her man?