With the right approach, you can get almost everything from a man: from buying the three hundredth pair of shoes to a weekend spent together at your mum’s. Effective strategy is not tears and ultimatums, but only six simple steps.
Anyone who has ever tried to manipulate a man knows this business is not an easy thing. Tough arguments and tears are equally ineffective – these tactics drive most men into frenzy. However, not only these ones.
Unsuccessful ways of controlling a man
It does not matter what you’re going to get from a man – buying a new dress or a ban on his Saturday visit to bath with friends – remember a few important points.
1. Do not blackmail him
Blackmail with feelings (“if you love me, then…”), resources (“I gave birth to this child, it is up to me to decide”), status (“real men do not do that”) or emotions (“if you cannot do it, I will feel bad”) will not help you manage your man and will only cause anger and resistance. Sooner or later the relationship will be broken, or its quality will be severely hurt. So try to avoid manipulations that make your man feel a sense of guilt, anger, depression, hopelessness, fear, or shame. They definitely do not do any good and will only lead to the loss of trust, secrecy, lies and similar trouble.
2. Do not compare him with other men
Manipulating with shame humiliates a man and makes him angry and eager to target this anger at you. Never compare your man with others. Never. This is the first step to ensure that he has found the woman for whom he is the best.
3. Do not make tantrums
Many ladies find tears almost the best way to control a man. Perhaps at first this method really works. But only at first. The partner quickly realizes that the woman manipulates his feelings. In the future, this behavior will only cause irritation, and you certainly will not get the things you want.
4. Do not try to speak his language
Your husband does not need another man next to him; besides, strong male arguments and strong feminine arguments are completely different. It is very difficult for women to find the right words and convince their partner as a man would convince a man. It is better to be a tender woman. This is much more effective.
5. Do not command your man
Commanding your partner with the words “go, buy, throw away” is a dangerous occupation: it does not work with a self-sufficient man. If you achieve any result, it is clearly not the one that you intended. The tactic of “bring and give” is a losing one: women are strange creatures. First, they find a man who can be commanded and controlled, and then they wonder why he cannot take independent decisions and why the whole family life is on their weak shoulders. Somehow you need to decide: either you will have a mature man whom you will not manage to control openly, or you will have a spineless partner, but quite a docile one.
Controlling men: the main rules
It is logical to assume that no sane man would allow to be manipulated, if he does not wish to. Get accustomed to your partner and sensibly evaluate your options: there are men who like to be led, but they are infantile and do not want to grow up and take responsibility, so get ready to be a mom with such a partner and to solve all problems by yourself. Mature men cannot be ruled without their consent, although some harmless tricks are still possible.
1. Talk about your feelings
If a strong masculine reasoning is not so simple to deal with, purely feminine expression of feelings will surely help you succeed. The main thing is to build a monologue according to the principle “a description of the situation – an expression of feelings – an offer – a reward or punishment.” Suppose he works extra hours in the office and does not warn that he will return later. In such a case, psychologists advise to say something like, “Honey, when you come home at two o’clock in the morning without warning me, I feel anxiety, sadness and anger. I would like to be warned about your delay; otherwise I do not see the point in waiting for you in the evening and cooking dinner for you.”
2. Be feminine and affectionate
Man-like women are popular only among sissies. Normal men need a normal woman – feminine, soft, affectionate. Therefore, when you achieve the desired result, try to treat the man with all your love and respect. Accept the fact that he is strong and irreplaceable for you. Focus on his merits and uniqueness. Men love it.
3. Follow your voice and gestures
Tone of the voice and flowing movements are very important if you want to control your man. A shrill and hysterical woman is never able to control a man. And if she succeeds, it is only because he really needs her to calm down and leave him alone. And do not forget that we must speak frankly to be heard.
4. Your desire is his decision
The surest way to get what you want from men is to convince him that this is not your desire, but his own decision. And the best way is to act quickly. It is not necessary to convince him openly, literally forcing him to listen to you if he truly believes he knows everything better than anyone else. Your efforts will thus be wasted. Try to encourage him to think that you are right. Suppose you want to spend a vacation in Europe, and he insists on Asia. Do not make scandals and hysterics, it is better to surf the Internet and search the information about how dangerous it is to go on holiday to Asian countries. As if accidentally, provide your beloved with some frightening facts and do not forget to show your own concern. If you have a thinking adult male nearby, he will surely listen to the “third party” and will not upset you.
5. Be grateful
It is important to show that you are grateful to him for this or that act, that he makes you happy. It substantially increases the probability that next time you will get from the beloved man what you really need. Has he washed the dishes? Well done, he has helped you a lot. Has he presented you with the long-awaited jewelry on birthday? This is the best present you have ever received! It is important to learn to feel sincere gratitude for what a man does for you. Women often use the opinion that men allegedly owe them something, but in fact no one owes anything. Therefore, every deed of his deserves sincere gratitude.
6. Demonstrate your weakness
It is much more effective to say, “Dear, will you hang the laundry please? You’re so tall, and I cannot reach it”. You will hardly get anything if you hiss “Hang the laundry out, you do not do anything.” A man finds it important to understand that he is needed and useful to you, that there is no one except him who will do it for you. However, be careful when appealing to his strengths. Men find such words valuable, but the main thing is not to turn this tactic into an absurdity: “You are strong, I’m weak, so carry my purse, it’s so heavy!” Otherwise it will be perceived as a funny flirtation and not as a sincere praise. Praise him only for what he really possesses.
Manipulation in a relationship is a subtle thing that requires attention: the destructive desire to dominate and control the man will most likely lead to separation. On the contrary, harmless tricks will help to achieve balance and harmony in your life.