Moving in together with a partner is a serious step. It is so serious that it sometimes distracts from the small, but nonetheless important details of living together. There are at least five mistakes that you should not make when you start living together.
1. Do not delay the organization of your things until the last moment
It is necessary to deal with all your belongings even before moving to a common apartment, where you may not have enough space for everything. Bring everything to order and decide what things are really important to you. Leave some space for new things that you will gain with your life partner.
Divide the items into four categories:
- To keep.
- To sell.
- To give away.
- To get rid of.
Store the clothes that you wore last year and the required elements of the environment that you do not plan to buy in the near future. Sell the things that are valuable, but have become unnecessary or just bore you to death. Give away the clothes and shoes that you have not worn for a long time, books and everything that will not require finding a buyer. Be decisive and get rid of everything else.
Be sure to know the opinion of your partner before you get rid of something.
2. Do not neglect the shortcomings
These may be minor or very serious problems. Snoring can be a clear reason for separation. On the other hand, excessive use of medicines can remain unnoticed until you happen to be in the same apartment. What matters is how well you know each other.
In some cases, a few calls will be enough to answer such questions as:
- Can you take a shower together, or would you prefer to take care of your body alone?
- How will your work schedules match?
- Who will be responsible for the bills?
- Evaluate what weaknesses your partner has. Are you ready to work on these points?
It also happens that your soulmate already has a child. Then you have to decide if you are ready to make the child a part of your life.
Maybe, you will talk about your weaknesses. In this case, do not take a defensive position. Try to look at yourself from the other side and decide what concessions and changes in yourself you are ready to undergo.
But do not expect that everything will be resolved by itself on a new site.
3. Do not assume that you will not have to deal with finances
Money talks are one of the main sources of tension and disputes in every home. Your new place will be no exception. Although legally you do not owe any money to your partner, it is better to share the information with each other about your income in order to plan your expenses better. The same applies to debts.
It is probable that the one who has been coping with personal finance better will also be in charge of your mutual budget. If your partner is a wasteful person, set up an automatic transfer of money to your account – at least of the part that is needed to pay the rent or the loan, or make future joint purchases.
Do not worry that you will become a nurse. Treat this situation like an investment of your time and knowledge into avoiding future conflicts.
4. Do not load one person with all the work about the house
This mistake is made by many couples. As a rule, a pile of dishes is washed by the one who is the first to become sick when seeing it. It’s not fair, but it is very easy to get stuck in such unbalanced scenarios of living together. Before you move in together, discuss the issue of equality in the field of household chores.
Who will take the garbage away?
Who will wash the dishes? (This is often the person who does not cook. But, maybe, someone finds it easier to control the kitchen completely, while the other partner will deal with the bathroom and toilet).
Who will repair the cabinets when they begin to creak?
All these problems have nothing to do with your gender or the fact who earns more money. It is better when these things are done by the one who finds them less difficult to accomplish.
In extreme cases, if no one wants to deal with cleaning, the cleaning services can be ordered by including this point in the total budget of your expenditures; thus you will never quarrel because of dust.
5. Do not pretend that you are married
This is a serious mistake. Many consider cohabitation as a first step towards marriage. For many, it’s true. The couples living together in the same apartment have a great opportunity to learn more about each other’s compromise skills, generosity, emotional, sexual, and financial compatibility at the household level. This knowledge is priceless.
The fact that you have begun to cohabit does not mean that you will necessarily get married!
Avoid unhealthy dependence on each other that may sometimes occur. Your items do not belong to your beloved one, and his/her stuff is not your property. In making decisions, you do not always have to take into account the partner’s interests. You can try to make the relationship more meaningful, but it can always break, if you do not find it satisfying. This fact is truly the point of cohabitation, isn’t it?