Every day we are faced with many annoying factors and feel an insistent desire to throw out negativity and respond to offenders. Nevertheless, it is necessary to learn how to keep angry outbursts and how to control anger – we will tell you how to do it.
Learn to meditate in your mind
Many psychologists advise switching off at the moment of anger. Learn to get out of reality, as Dr. Cox did in the TV series “The Clinic”. If he did not like the conversation, the sounds of the tide and the singing of seagulls immediately turned on in the head of this cynic.
Such a technique will not only save you from unnecessary curses against your boss, friend or conductor but also save your nerves. Moreover, the absence of any reaction on your part will help bring the conflict to nothing. After all, a dispute is possible only when at least two people participate in it.
Recognize the signs
Learn to seize the moment when latent discontent begins to slowly escalate into anger. Usually, this process is accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, a lump coming up the throat, a shaking voice, drooping knees, and tremors in the hands. As soon as you spot these enemies of calm, consider that half the battle is already done. Then proceed according to the circumstances.
If you have enough willpower, try to pull yourself together, mentally count to 10 (as is often advised), and watch every word you say. If the anger is so strong that there can be no question of controlling your speech, then there is only one option – to avoid continuing the conversation at any cost.
You can abruptly stop communication, for example, under the pretext of an urgent call or some other nonsense, or you can simply run away, as if from a crime scene.
Remember that it all looks very strange, and later you will still have to explain your behavior. On the other hand, during this time you will already calm down, come up with an excuse and definitely will not say anything unwanted.
Remember the choice
Don’t forget that there is always an alternative to a fight. Any awkward situation has hundreds of ways in and out, which do not necessarily lead to conflict. For example, if it infuriates that someone is listening to music in a subway car too loudly, instead of an angry hiss towards the troublemaker, you can use headphones and play the songs you like, or, in the end, change to the next carriage at the next stop.
Then you will ask a question: “Why should I go out instead of him/her? I’m not disturbing anyone! ” Firstly, this music must annoy many more people – not just you, but the rest of the people in the carriage do not care. Secondly, you should not waste your nerves on trifles.
Write it down
If anger has become a habitual part of life, it is very important to find the root cause. Most likely, you are not annoyed at the dirty mugs left on the table, a jacket hanging in the wrong place, or a negligent dog of your neighbors, but at something else, something more significant.
Get in the habit of writing down all the things that cause anger in a notebook, in the same place, write what feelings you experienced and what you would like to do with the cause of anger. After a while, you can see the whole picture made from a lot of puzzle pieces and look down on your anger, finding out that in fact, all the negative things provoke global dissatisfaction with the position at work, the wrong choice of a partner or lack of self-development.
By the way, notes also help to calm down, because writing your feelings on paper is almost the same as expressing them.
Don’t forget about meditation practices
Breathe. Each inhalation should last about 7 seconds, and exhalation should be 11 seconds. This will help lower your heart rate and will calm you down a bit.
Listen. Try to listen to the words of the other person and try to be in their shoes. This will help you look at the situation from a different angle and see the problem from two viewpoints.
Step back. Look down on everything that happens and see if you are taking it too personally.
Wait. Never answer right away. It is better to delay your answer and evaluate whether it will make you so angry in 20 minutes, and think about each word that you are going to say afterward.