Divorces, even fairly simple and straightforward ones, tend to leave one hollowed out. Heart strain, wearisome discussions, and legal procedures seem to make the soul go gradually dead. When it is all over, there doesn’t seem to be an atom of physical or mental energy left inside. In some cases, people wake up every day thinking about how they will be able to get through it. You can explain to yourself that you are no worse off than the next divorcee, but it produces little effect – soon you are lost in your worries and feel overwhelmed again. It may seem like an unceasing struggle.
Yet you have it in you to dispel the horrible atmosphere and let the sunshine in your life again. After all, you have things to do and life to live. Yes, you can readjust yourself totally to sail through the divorce procedures and stay whole and able.
Strike a good grief balance – accept some, but don’t wallow in it overmuch
While taking care of yourself you don’t want to shut off your emotions, so it’s quite all right to give in to sadness; but don’t let it engulf you. What you grieve for is no longer a part of your life, and it’s no use to let yourself dwell on it any more.
Come to terms with your feelings
In order to go through unscathed, one should give proper vent to one’s feelings. It is not so pleasant to do with negative ones, but you learn control and deal with them, making the emotional recovery arrive sooner.
Live within this particular day
Often the thought that this mortifying state of affairs is persevering and can get you down in a big way. Bear in mind that recovery is a day-to-day process, focus should be on the day and not on how you are going to feel in a week! Your feelings right now concern you most. Maybe this day is favorable, not the one to be worrying yourself unduly with forebodings about a bad next week.
Discuss your condition
Opportunities to make your feelings known are multiple: friends and relatives around, online friends and related groups. You can get a lot of support, and advice, and voice your attitude to your divorce as much as you want to attentive ears (and eyes). Besides, there are professional consultants who can ease you along on your way with explanations about steps to take. Any way, sharing is going to do you good setting you on the right path.
Let your pain drive you on
Remember: just sitting and letting painful thoughts revolve in your head isn’t a positive scenario. It is good for a short while only because this attitude really doesn’t get you anywhere. But pain can be employed as a driving force to do what you need to.
Finding employment for pain broadens your mind: you understand others in the same position better, can render help, can even find new friends. Just be yourself. Try to regard divorce as a new lease on happiness, an advantageous opportunity to part with unsatisfactory behavioral patterns and rearrange your ideas about a rewarding relationship.
Pay more attention to other spheres of life
Make yourself concentrate on your home, work, and hobbies. Immerse yourself in what you are keen on, let enjoyable sensations in. One thing you shouldn’t hurry with is entering into a new relationship – you have to properly leave the previous one behind. Tune yourself up to being worthy of strong love.
If you are unsure what to begin with, start describing your experiences in a diary – it can clear up the mist in the head.
Practice gratitude – we always have something to be thankful for, and keeping these things in mind is an excellent method to fight down misgivings and depression.
Mind you exercise regularly. At worst allot about half an hour for walking every day to stretch your limbs and get fresh air.
A pet will help you spend quality time outdoors and get a good distraction.
Gardening and caring for home plants are also considered wonderful distracting activities by many.
If you harbor heavy feelings, try to forgive and forget your and your ex’s past misbehaviors.
Impress on yourself that everything will pan out fine
They might not get better right away and you might not even notice the improvement in your life until you look back (three or thirteen months down the line) and realize how much better you feel. It is easy to feel like you will almost always be this sad or hurt, but in reality, in a couple of months, you will have settled into your new life and, if you have allowed yourself, will be able to move on. Understanding that things will get better can help you start on your road to emotionally recover from a divorce.
No matter what sticky swamp you can be in now – it’s your feelings mostly; what was really happening in your life you will be able to comprehend later on, months later. So why not teach yourself to believe that actually the situation is evolving your way, soon it will be obvious, and you have all the reasons to feel good? Consider all the good things that are waiting for you when you have finally gotten free of this entanglement and are ready to get on with your life. If you succeed in inculcating good expectations, your emotional recovery will accelerate, and you are highly likely to come through with flying colors.
