Many women are embarrassed to say that they have lost interest in sex, or that they have never had an orgasm in their life. Without speaking about the problem, it is impossible to get to its origins and work out the situation. Together with a clinical psychologist, we are trying to understand the reasons why sex does not bring women pleasure and what can be done with it.
In fact, the root of the problem is much deeper than it might seem at first glance. Sex is the norm in deep and happy relationships. When sex does not bring joy and vivid emotions, you can ask yourself: “What is happening to you and to your relationship with your partner? How safe is it to be paired and in close contact with him?”
It can be very difficult to find the reason for the lack of sex, orgasm, or irregular intimacy since sometimes they are hidden from our consciousness. There are a number of reasons that can affect libido or the resulting awkwardness, shame, and even disgust when talking about sex.
1. As a child, you saw how your parents had sex, but mom and dad condemned your interest in your own body
Perhaps you have become an accidental witness to the intimacy of your parents, and this has become a traumatic experience for you. Or you were ashamed when you were little and had that childish sexuality. It could also affect your perception of yourself and your sex life with a man in the future. After studying our body in childhood, we get to know our erogenous zones, we learn to feel how and what we like.
2. After the birth of babies…
Some of us have an internal feeling that “Mom does not have sex. She can only be a mother.” It is rather difficult to work through such a block. It is worth paying attention to how you manifest yourself (and whether you express yourself at all) in other roles besides the mother. As a woman, wife, daughter, and personality.
3. After an experienced abuse
This topic is very painful and relevant. This refers to any physical and emotional violent action that you could not resist and be protected from. The percentage of people who have experienced violence is huge. It is after violence that the body forbids itself to be sexual, as this is dangerous.
For this reason, there can be difficulties not only with sex, but also, for example, with being overweight or with creating a happy relationship. This needs to be worked out together with a specialist, preferably with bodily practices.
4. Perinatal period
If your mom has had unwanted sex during pregnancy, or she became a victim of violence, you may subconsciously adopt the pattern that it is not safe to be a woman and a man can hurt you.
5. Due to rejection of yourself and dissatisfaction with your body
This happens when it is important for you to meet expectations, for example, have a certain weight or behave in a certain way. If you have an internal idea that love must be earned, relaxation and pleasure is virtually impossible to achieve.
There can be a lot of reasons for such a deep rejection of one’s own body or soul: childhood traumas, childhood shame, violence, self-rejection and a hundred more possible reasons.
6. Lack of respect in a couple
A lot of accumulated grievances and claims go into the piggy bank of reasons why there is no sex or you don’t want it at all. Mutual desire is born where there is acceptance and trust.
7. The habit of controlling everything
Sometimes, in an attempt to get pleasure, you do not allow yourself to open up and relax fully because the need to control everything blocks the feelings. Your true essence is hidden deeper and deeper.
8. Fear of intimacy
If you have been seriously offended at least once, your brain may decide to make the situation safe and protect you from sex and its possible consequences.
9. Desire for unconditional love
We often demand from the current or future partner to correct the mistakes of the previous one or give us what the parents could not give. He must prove that he will be faithful (if there was a betrayal in the previous relationship), give a feeling of security and love (if we received less of them in childhood). You can continue indefinitely.
The general consequence of all the above reasons is the rejection of pleasure. As a rule, this applies not only to sex, but also to other areas of life. Is it possible to work out these internal blocks?
There are special methods (for example, QR – the method of quick and obvious results), thanks to which the pattern of behavior at the subconscious level is destroyed. Unlike classical therapy, which tries to do this through the conscious sphere, such methods introduce new neural connections immediately, reducing the time till the desired result can be achieved. Any of the 9 reasons can be worked out and, as a result, you can start getting pleasure from sex and from life in general.
The key point to remember is that if you block your orgasm, you are punishing yourself in the first place. Each of us deserves to admire ourselves, our life and the man next to us. Listen to your body, it will never deceive!