We hope that many women are already familiar with the concept of gaslighting. But there are such nice types of manipulation that are difficult to resist. We are going to tell you how to identify them and resist them.
Gaslighting may not necessarily be divided into different types. But sometimes the manipulation comes in such a beautiful wrapping that you can’t even recognize it. This is precisely the glamorous gaslighting, whose goal is the same: to confuse the partner, to put yourself in the right position and reproach that quarrels, grievances and mistakes are nothing but your loved man’s illusion.
How a glamorous manipulator creates a magical world for you
Imagine that your boyfriend, whom you have been dating for a long time, has disappeared for a week. He did not write or call, although you were worried and tried to find him. Finally, he turns ups with a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers, a bottle of expensive champagne and an offer to dine in a luxurious restaurant.
You are offended, upset, and angry. Where has he been? Why didn’t he get in touch? He does not answer these questions, but simply offers to enjoy the romance that he has created for you. It’s hard to resist, right? Now you have softened, you have placed the flowers in the water, put on a beautiful dress and thought that you were angry for no reason.
But glamor and romance conceal his bad behavior and your stress.
What is the problem
The fact is that questions and problems in a relationship are hidden under a pile of fresh flowers, gifts and compliments. You are unhappy with the partner’s behavior, but he refuses to admit it and suggests enjoying life. Thus, the glamorous gaslighter presents everything as if you were picky and always dissatisfied, while he is a prince on a white horse, ready to save his beautiful lady at any moment.
In fact, such relationships are devoid of intimacy. Most importantly, you lose confidence in yourself and allow yourself to be manipulated. The partner makes you believe that missing for two weeks is normal, just as flirting with other women is. He puts a lot of other beliefs in your head, thanks to which he lives a comfortable life, caring little about your feelings and interests.
Why is it difficult to resist the glamorous manipulator
“He says that you are the best woman on earth and the only one who understands him. The princess who has miraculously changed his life. He provides you with care, presents lots of gifts and is extremely attentive. You feel an amazing closeness and joy, you feel special. He is blooming, just as you are.”
Yes, everything is great, but such men know how to create “magic” and love only the idea of the relationship. They have extensive experience in preparing romantic dramas. They only need a leading actress.
It is not surprising that many women agree to this role because they really want attention and romance.
Test yourself
If it seems to you that a romantic and enthusiastic partner is trying to distract you from your feelings or important issues that concern you and makes you doubt that you are right, he is a manipulator.
Here are a few questions which show that you are being manipulated elegantly:
- Do you often feel that you two live in a special world?
- Would you call your boyfriend the most romantic man in your life?
- Are your friends surprised how romantic this man is?
- Or is his romantic behavior annoying them?
- Does the man behave differently when you are in public?
- Is he one of those who should always charm everyone in a room?
- Does he keep behaving romantically, even after you say you are not in the mood?
How to protect yourself
Relations with a manipulator gradually make you lose confidence in yourself and in your rightness. Without realizing this, you are dancing to his tune, forgiving, trying to justify him. It’s so unfortunate to admit that all the magical moments in your relationship are just a big soap bubble that can burst at any moment.
Losing yourself is too high a price for attention, flowers and compliments, isn’t it?
- Be careful. Concentrate on the differences between what seems important to you and him.
- Clarify your thoughts. If your boyfriend accuses you of something, ask yourself if you agree with this assessment of your behavior.
- Defend yourself, but don’t argue. If you are accused of something, it is better to remain silent. If you try to prove to the person that you are right, you will almost certainly find yourself drawn into this manipulative tango. Remember that the desire to argue and convince the gaslighter is always based on the desire to get someone else’s approval.
- Trust your feelings. Let’s say you went on a date. What do you feel: boredom, anxiety, dizzying joy? It may be too early to analyze them, but it will help to realize that you have feelings.
- Look at the whole picture. At the end of a date, analyze your feelings to understand the overall impression. If the good outweighs the bad, you will want to meet him again. But do not ignore what worries or puzzles you.
