How to Solve a Conflict with Your Mother-in-Law?

The relations with the husband’s mother are not always smooth, and sometimes a slight conflict can turn into a serious confrontation. Not every daughter-in-law can boast of a warm relationship with her husband’s mother. Without picking the right words, the mother-in-law promises to spoil the daughter-in-law’s life. Some women receive constant recommendations on what to do and where to go. Mothers-in-law sometimes even try to make couples divorce. How to behave in case of a conflict with the spouse’s mother?

In case of an open conflict, all parties involved suffer, including the daughter-in-law, the husband, and the mother-in-law herself. Many people prefer to terminate the relationship to avoid toxic communication. Still, in most cases, this is not possible; therefore, it is necessary to develop the right tactics of behavior and understand the causes of the conflict.

First of all, it is worth understanding that most often, the hostile attitude of the mother-in-law is due to her fear for the son rather than jealousy and the need for attention. Any mother worries about her child, and this fear makes the mother-in-law “keep an eye open” on the marriage and interfere in the family.

Motherhood is a state of extreme vigilance and alertness, so don’t expect your mother-in-law to give you credit right away. At the beginning of the relationship, it is worth trying to establish a trusting contact with the husband’s mother. Do not overreact to any of her manifestations of attention, which may seem aggressive to you. Perhaps the situation is not as critical as it seems at first glance.

If the mother-in-law is a monster: how to behave in a conflict with the spouse’s mother

However, keeping in touch with your husband’s mother does not mean that she can influence your family decisions – be independent. The more often you ask your mother-in-law for help, the more you rely on her tangible and spiritual investments in your family, and the more rights and influence she will want to have. By the way, she’ll be right. The one who gives support, care, and funds have the right to vote. If you use your mother-in-law as a free nanny, live on her territory, or think that elderly parents are obliged to take care of you, then maybe it’s time to grow up?

In addition, open conflicts with the mother-in-law should be avoided. This is your husband’s dear person, and aggravating the problem will not be the best solution. If the spouse’s mother interferes in your family life too often, you can try to set boundaries on your own. Do not tolerate psychological pressure on the issues you find essential, and devote less time to the details of your personal life. Of course, do not discuss family problems related to your spouse.

Suppose the mother-in-law is a monster: how to behave in a conflict with the spouse’s mother. This issue can be discussed with the spouse himself – he should not shift the responsibility for the argument onto your shoulders. Nevertheless, this is his mother, and he, as an adult and independent person, is obliged to solve family problems and set the boundaries of what is permitted. This implies the explanation that he now has his own family and has the right to manage his life as he wants.

Besides, in a conflict with the mother-in-law, several rules must be followed, just like in any other conflict. By doing so, you can avoid serious consequences:

  • Do not get personal and not get distracted from the main topic of the conversation. Don’t use insults.
  • Avoid accusations – your thought should reflect the main essence of the complaint without unnecessary emotions.
  • Discuss the problem openly without hushing it.
  • Letting the opponent speak uninterrupted. Don’t use a raised voice. Stay calm.

Suppose the mother-in-law is a monster: how to behave in a conflict with the spouse’s mother?

Complicated relationships within the family and the intrusion of an outsider into the microclimate of your life with your husband can cause a number of severe consequences, including divorce. Therefore, if the problem cannot be solved on your own, a psychotherapist can help. However, if the conflict has already moved from just a domestic quarrel into a real opposition, it makes sense to turn to a specialist.

The main thing to remember is that almost any conflict can be resolved if you make an effort and try to find a compromise that is beneficial for all parties involved. Therefore, you should not refuse dialogue or hush up the problem – you should look for a convenient solution.

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