Who doesn’t warm the cockles of their heart by believing that their life is their own, and they enjoy total control over it? Sadly, it is a delusion that is far from being abiding. So many things around happen without our least chance of alteration, and we find ourselves with no other option but to face them. Is there a way to accept things you can’t change (anymore)?
Focus on „now“
If you are anxious about anything in your life that has already happened, switch your mind over from the past to what can be done now to sweeten up your life. Try and create a good mood for yourself, because a great deal of it depends on yourself: no matter what happened, you can still feel positive if duly fortified with healthy food, good sleep, exercising, and rubbing shoulders with a decent company.
When you are down, you don’t have to be down in all spheres of life at once; continue to derive pleasure from other aspects of your life.
Separate uncontrollable factors from controllable
Beset by worries, make a pause to calmly go over what is going on. You have to know exactly what you can control and what is beyond your powers. You cannot switch off a shower, but you can take an umbrella along. While other people’s actions lie outside your turf, your reactions are definitely in your hand.
So eventually you have to consider your own reactions and your own attitude. You will feel better once you have channeled your energy into activity – and you can really change something.
Journal about things you can’t control
Writing down your feelings and viewpoints, you get to understand them better and express them with higher precision. Also, by penning your emotions, you can look at them from the outside and maybe even leave them behind. What’s more, you can be utterly frank with yourself. Write about what you would like to do, what you would like to get over, and what can impede you.
The current situation may require more than one sitting. Take yourself over it step by step, entry by entry without hurrying, even if it takes a while to cover the whole story.
Let your past mistakes go
It is much more difficult to accept things when you are laden with guilt over the blunders you have committed. The mind is clouded by speculations about how different it could have been if we could only rectify our past errors – and it’s counterproductive.
Imagine that you are conferring with a friend or a relative: a while ago they put their foot in badly and they are wallowing in regret. Won’t you advise them to get over it and disperse the negative emotions related to the blunder?
We care about them, but it doesn’t follow we go and cure ourselves with the same medicine. Give yourself the same treatment and follow it through, without punishing yourself unduly.
Learn from the experience
As you run against something unmovable and peep into it for a life lesson, you automatically set yourself on the move. What actually happened is not so interesting as what conclusions you can draw, and that means you’re getting on.
If there was your fault, while browsing on the situation you set yourself to do better next time. That makes the whole event purposeful.
If you practice this, you do not just accept the unmanageable – you advance due to your analysis, decision, ensuring you a brighter future in which you will err less.
Exert influence mindfully
Although you do not wield total control, still you have a deal of influence that you can exert. While you can’t enroll your child at a college, but you can stimulate and teach them to study. You cannot land yourself a desirable job, but you can acquit yourself well at a job interview.
Then, you can develop your influential capacities through altering your behavioral patterns. Set a good example in yourself. Proceed within clearly defined boundaries. When you have different opinions, voice them, but not too strongly. Avoid being too insistent.
Acknowledge fears
Those who allow themselves to be influenced by worst-case expectations often find that things actually stack up better than they feared.
Again, the point is in the right approach. Instead of worrying that their project might fail, they should pose the question, “Should my project fail, what could I do then?” When you envision the worst you can work out effective ways of your reaction and find alternatives that were not obvious when you were focusing on the current situation.
Make use of affirmative mantras
Mantras help focus your attention on the viewpoint you need to focus on, see the situation in a more advantageous light and come to terms with what is happening. Think up an affirmative mantra that suits your current run of affairs, like “I can afford to let it go.” Repeat it whenever you feel that you are overwhelmed and confused.
Those who are too busy can pen their mantras on stickers and hang them where they catch the eye – it could be on the laptop case, over the dressing table, or even on the smartphone screen. Also, you can set the phone to send them to you as periodic alerts.
Set your mind working
As you notice that your thoughts keep running in circles or you are brooding, it’s time to switch on mindfulness. Pause in whatever you are busy with and look into your soul. Take stock of your feelings, frame of mind, what your body feels, taking care not to respond to what you register.
Having completed the examination, pay attention to the way you breathe. Follow the air through your lungs. Observe how the air gets in and out; your thoughts and feelings may be changing, yet go back to your breathing. Once you have found that you pay more than cursory attention to your thoughts, avoid ruminating, but go on following your breath.
Acknowledge that things have changed
Without your admission that your situation is now different, you will be sticking with the past. Once you have accepted the current lay of the land, you are moving into the future. Changes often take you out of your comfort zone; ones thatyou haven’t initiatedu do so all the more. Get round the inconvenience and start acquainting yourself to the new situation.
