When a woman comes to me asking for the best way to get a man to commit, 99% of the time it’s because he’s not giving her any indication he’s going to settle down with her long term– and she’s worried that he never will.
In fact, almost every woman who has this question has an underlying fear that the man they want to be with will never commit… and that she has to have some magic trick or scheme to get him to.
Well, I’m here to give you the truth: there’s no magic trick to getting a guy to commit. No schemes, no secrets, and no tactics.
It kind of defeats the purpose, right? If you have to trick or scheme a guy into pledging himself to you, it’s not a real promise – since true commitment is 100% enthusiastic, eager, and voluntary.
In order to get true commitment from a guy, he has to WANT it. And for that to happen, there’s one non-negotiable component:
You have to be compatible with each other.
If you’re incompatible with someone, trying to make that match somehow work is impossible.
In fact – the people who are “fighting” for their relationships every day are often in the most incompatible relationships – and that they have to fight every day to keep it going is a huge sign they’re incompatible, and a huge sign he’s never going to commit.
The truth is – when you’re in a great relationship, things don’t feel like a battle every day – they feel effortless.
Not effortless like there’s no work involved, but effortless in that the work doesn’t FEEL like work. It doesn’t feel like you’re fighting an uphill struggle to keep things together for one more day.
Even when things get tough, both people remember that they want to support each other, and that they want to put in the effort to make things right.
The harsh truth is, if you’re incompatible with him, then no amount of effort, no amount of work, and no amount of “fighting” for your relationship will make things work in the end.
Now, let’s say you’re compatible with each other. If that’s the case, then there are 3 things to focus on that make men commit.
The first is going to sound like a paradox, but it’s 100% accurate: drop any fixation or obsession with “getting him to commit,” or with getting the ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife’ title from him.
The truth of the matter is that relationship titles won’t give you a sense of security or safety, and they won’t make your life any better or different than it is now. They’re just titles.
Married men (and women) cheat on their spouses all the time – and having the title you want from him is no guarantee of happiness or security in the future.
So the best way to think about commitment isn’t that it’s a goal or an end in itself, but rather that it’s a byproduct of a great relationship. If the relationship is great, and you’re both happy, he’s going to NATURALLY want to commit to you – without you having to push for it.
When commitment is a byproduct, rather than a goal, it happens easily and naturally.
The second thing to focus on is being the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can possibly be.
Here’s exactly what I mean by that: if you put in your best effort to look good and be in the best mood you can be when you’re with him, as well as do your best to feel good about yourself – that’s what really matters, and that’s what’s going to make him want to be with you.
When something feels good to a guy, he wants to have more of it in his life. If you’re positive about yourself, put in the effort to look good, and focus on having a good time with him, being with you is going to feel good – and he’s going to want to spend more and more of his life with you.
The third thing is to connect with him – and to connect with his mission in life.
A man commits to a woman who gives him something deeper. Something he can’t find with any other woman.
When a man finds a woman who he’s compatible with, and who understands him and what he’s trying to do on a deep level, he doesn’t have to be convinced to commit to her. He RUNS to commit to her – to keep her in his life and keep her by his side forever.
If you can really understand him – and help him in his mission to become the best version of himself he can be – he’s not going to let you go for anything.
That’s the best way to get a man to commit himself deeply, truly, and honestly. When he feels that his life is immeasurably better with you in it – he will do anything he can and take any steps necessary to make sure you stay together forever.
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It was founded by dating and relationship expert, Nick Bastion, who is the main contributor to the Love & Relationship Advice section of the site.