Is Vacation without a Spouse Healthy?

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Kate Gosselin recently indulged in a sun soaking vacation in Bald Head Island, N.C., without her husband Jon. According to experts, such vacations are beneficial for a relationship. Leslie Seppinni, a psychologist and family therapist has stated that a vacation without a spouse is a nice way of having some time apart.

Kate Gosselin Single Vacation

This is excellent for couples who have some tension flowing through them or who needs a small break from each other. Apparently, such vacations are useful for getting an objective perspective and getting some time to rethink things.

Of course, this does not mean that there should be frequent vacations without the spouse, as this might lead to cracks in a marriage. Occasional vacations are useful for developing bonds between couples, as stated by Danine Manette, author of “Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity” (Square One Publishers).

Danine further explained that the point of these trips should be to attain mental stability and not just an escape from the spouse. If it’s the latter case, then the problems should be sorted out at home.

Seppinni has said that many others have been pursuing such vacations for a long time. Paul and Joanne Woodward went to trips alone. According to Seppinni, taking time alone is a positive sign that the spouses are acknowledging and honoring each other’s careers and likes.

BJ Gallagher, a sociologist and author of “Why Don’t I Do the Things I Know Are Good for Me?” (Berkley), also added that taking separate vacations enables a person to understand that spending too much time together may hurt any relationship.

“A couple needs time apart as much as time together.”

She says, “What makes a relationship juicy and exciting are the different perspectives and experiences we bring to it. You need the separateness to appreciate the togetherness.”

A small vacation would suffice at times. On May 31, Katie Holmes went to the Grove in L.A. with her toddler Suri to spend some quality time with her child. In Touch reported that Katie Holmes bonded over sweets and shopping. A friend of Katie’s said that Holmes “likes being her own person.”

Kati Holmes with Suri

On the other hand, Seppinni has explained that not all vacations without a spouse are healthy. If a relationship is falling apart, then a vacation could mean that one of the spouses might end up meeting someone who seems like a better person to spend time with. Such a person could make one feel younger, prettier and sexier. If this is the case, the spouse taking the vacation might fall into the trap of an affair, which is a sign that the marriage is in a disastrous stage and should be taken into serious consideration. In such cases, the issues should be sorted out and dealt with.

Single vacations should not be an alternative to vacations taken together.

Karen Sherman, the author of “Marriage Magic: Find it, Keep It and Make It Last,” has noted that today’s stressed couples don’t spend enough time together. She also said that going solo on vacation is okay in the sense that it makes a person miss his or her spouse. But a relationship should also be built upon quality time spent with each other. If a couple can’t do this, then their relationship is in jeopardy.

Source of the images: nydailynews.com, theinsider.com.

4 COMMENTS

  1. OK, I see this is a site for Women but I saw this article on propeller.

    A couple things:

    Why would I have married my wife if I didn’t want to be with her, and vice versa?

    With all the routine chaos of normal life (kids, work, etc), vacation together is one of the only times we get to really talk in depth and examine our lives together.

    I can see why some time alone is important. But there’s plenty of time to work that out back at the homestead. If we’re dropping cash on a vacation let’s use it to build a stronger relationship.

  2. my wife recently took a cruise with her sister and failed to tell me about until 3 days before. Not 100% her fault as her sister had planned to go with her boyfriend (who dumped her as soon as she got home) but it DID NOT help our relationship in any way at all.

    Her and I had planned to relive our honeymoon for years, she did exactly that, without me. Further more we are extremely limited on money and we had reserved a trip to celebrate my birthday just two weeks after her luxury cruise. She got a week, I got 3 days. Her going 100% ruined my trip, my trust in her, and drove a wedge between my sister in law and myself. We haven’t spoken since and honestly, I hope I never have too.

    Ladies, if you are planning a trip without your husband and it’s something he would want to do, don’t. While she was away I had the divorce papers drafted. I decided against that but her going on that cruise, her reliving our honeymoon without me, not being able to enjoy my own trip, all of it have all but destroyed us. It’s been a few months now and not a day goes by that I have not been reminded of how bad that hurt.

    If you marry someone, you should WANT to spend time with them. Up until the trip our marriage was solid, now we are on the brink of divorce, counseling isn’t working, and I can’t get past it. Even after taking a trip on my own didn’t help, it only reminded me of how bad she hurt me.

  3. Hello Ryan and others: I feel how you feel. My ex-spouse once scheduled an entire family ski weekend, paid for it online, and then by accident I found out what he had done, without him discussing it with me beforehand. He insisted that I indicated I wanted to go, when the reality is he had asked me several weeks prior if it might be nice if we all go skiiing sometime and I said sure. He took this as permission to get expensive plane tickets and such, and was scheduled during the weekend I was due to take the GRE exam. Two years later he decided to do PhD research in another state for 9 months, and first told me by walking into the kitchen to say that this plan was all set, as if my opinion didn’t matter. Our divorce was recently finalized. I am only wishing all of you the best, but frequest trips out of town while you leave the spouse at home to clean, parent, and reminisce does almost nothing to add to one’s marital bank account of good memories.

    By the way, Ryan, I notice that your post was a year ago. How are you doing now? Hopefully you have worked things out?

  4. 2013 comment here… My husband has an opportunity to go on an all-expenses paid trip to Europe for 4 full weeks with his two best friends..No Wives. I love my husband tremendously and I insisted he go. He didnt want to..but, I want him to take this wonderful trip. We’ll Skype, email, and text constantly! I love him, he loves me..and YES, it’s healthy to be a part sometimes. I can’t wait til he’s home again, but, I am happy he will enjoy his friends and his time in Europe!

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