Many foolish quarrels, misunderstandings and resentments are pretty easy to avoid. To achieve this, you don’t want to talk to a man in female language. Usually, when communicating with a male, women seldom deliberately try to be correctly understood, but they should! In this situation we apply our female standards and then shrug our shoulders as we despair to evoke a response from our darling one. Why does this happen? Allan and Barbara Peaze, the authors of an excellent book titled “Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps” have the answer.
Thinking Aloud With a Man at Your Side
A female mind is programmed to use speech as the main way of expression. If a man has five or six things to do, he’ll just say, “I’ve got some things to do, see you later”. As to a woman, she’ll most likely to list it all in a random order and mention all options and opportunities (I must be in such-and-such place, do this and that but if nothing comes out of it I’ll drop in at some other place and so on).
Why Thinking Aloud Annoys Men
Men take the female way of seeking solutions which is some sort of thinking aloud as an endless and, which is the main thing, tiresome chatter that should be ignored or even worse, as a call for help.
For a female to stop thinking about a problem there is only one way and it is to talk about it. So when you talk about your concerns it does not mean you leave solving your problems to someone else or shift your burden to someone’s shoulders. Tell your darling about this natural female quality.
Talking About Many Things At Once
Information traffic between the left and the right hemisphere of a female brain is more intensive. Besides, there is a special speech brain zone; that is why we can talk about several things simultaneously, sometimes in a single sentence.
Why This Annoys Them
Female random way of talking frightens men whose brain is capable of following only one theme and process the information on only one subject simultaneously. A female, on the other hand, can start with one subject and change it in the middle of the talk and then unexpectedly go back to the original subject while mentioning in passing something totally irrelevant. This makes men dizzy and confused.
How to Correct This Mistake
If you want to be heard and understood by your man, do not change your subject. Talk only about the subject that is crucial to you.
Men interrupt each other only when they feel aggressive or suspect competition. For a woman the opposite is true – continuous replies imply attention towards interlocutor. But our attempts to turn a talk into a multi-subject conversation to impress the man are doomed to fail. A male interprets them as interference in his speech.
Why Men Hate Being Interrupted
Male speech is solution-oriented and he must bring it to the end otherwise the talk seems meaningless to him. He cannot follow different themes during conversation and considers anyone who does so as impolite.
Don’t Interrupt Men
Spare men! They speak one after another because they can either speak or listen. They cannot do both things at the same time. Be tolerable and let him say everything he wants. Don’t interrupt.
Beating Around the Bush
Beating about the bush is a purely female way of speaking and it serves a certain goal. It helps establish good rapport by avoiding aggression and disagreements. This attitude is effective to perform a role of nest defender who is to maintain harmony.
Why This Irritates Men
Men get nervous at the lack of logic and sense in the talk. They blame women for not knowing what they are talking about.
Way to Correct This Mistake
Make it clear in advance at what time you want to talk, what exactly about and what subject you are going to discuss. This approach appeals to a man’s logic. It is easily comprehensible for him and makes him feel important.
Expressing Displeasure through Silence
Women use words to show their sympathy and establish relations, that is why words are sort of reward for us. Men are different and they seldom take females’ ‘terrible threat’ like ‘I won’t talk to you anymore’ seriously. For him such a threat is an excellent opportunity to take a rest from your chatter.
Source of the image: flickr.com/photos/nathancolquhoun.