Top 5 Communication Breakdowns when You Talk to Men

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Many foolish quarrels, misunderstandings and resentments are pretty easy to avoid. To achieve this, you don’t want to talk to a man in female language. Usually, when communicating with a male, women seldom deliberately try to be correctly understood, but they should! In this situation we apply our female standards and then shrug our shoulders as we despair to evoke a response from our darling one. Why does this happen? Allan and Barbara Peaze, the authors of an excellent book titled “Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps” have the answer.

Communication Between Man and Women

Thinking Aloud With a Man at Your Side

A female mind is programmed to use speech as the main way of expression. If a man has five or six things to do, he’ll just say, “I’ve got some things to do, see you later”. As to a woman, she’ll most likely to list it all in a random order and mention all options and opportunities (I must be in such-and-such place, do this and that but if nothing comes out of it I’ll drop in at some other place and so on).

Why Thinking Aloud Annoys Men

Men take the female way of seeking solutions which is some sort of thinking aloud as an endless and, which is the main thing, tiresome chatter that should be ignored or even worse, as a call for help.

Correcting Mistakes

For a female to stop thinking about a problem there is only one way and it is to talk about it. So when you talk about your concerns it does not mean you leave solving your problems to someone else or shift your burden to someone’s shoulders. Tell your darling about this natural female quality.

And remember that man’s silence does not mean he is being indifferent.

Talking About Many Things At Once

Information traffic between the left and the right hemisphere of a female brain is more intensive. Besides, there is a special speech brain zone; that is why we can talk about several things simultaneously, sometimes in a single sentence.

Why This Annoys Them

Female random way of talking frightens men whose brain is capable of following only one theme and process the information on only one subject simultaneously. A female, on the other hand, can start with one subject and change it in the middle of the talk and then unexpectedly go back to the original subject while mentioning in passing something totally irrelevant. This makes men dizzy and confused.

How to Correct This Mistake

If you want to be heard and understood by your man, do not change your subject. Talk only about the subject that is crucial to you.

Interrupting

Men interrupt each other only when they feel aggressive or suspect competition. For a woman the opposite is true – continuous replies imply attention towards interlocutor. But our attempts to turn a talk into a multi-subject conversation to impress the man are doomed to fail. A male interprets them as interference in his speech.

Why Men Hate Being Interrupted

Male speech is solution-oriented and he must bring it to the end otherwise the talk seems meaningless to him. He cannot follow different themes during conversation and considers anyone who does so as impolite.

Don’t Interrupt Men

Spare men! They speak one after another because they can either speak or listen. They cannot do both things at the same time. Be tolerable and let him say everything he wants. Don’t interrupt.

Beating Around the Bush

Beating about the bush is a purely female way of speaking and it serves a certain goal. It helps establish good rapport by avoiding aggression and disagreements. This attitude is effective to perform a role of nest defender who is to maintain harmony.

Why This Irritates Men

Men get nervous at the lack of logic and sense in the talk. They blame women for not knowing what they are talking about.

Way to Correct This Mistake

Make it clear in advance at what time you want to talk, what exactly about and what subject you are going to discuss. This approach appeals to a man’s logic. It is easily comprehensible for him and makes him feel important.

Expressing Displeasure through Silence

Women use words to show their sympathy and establish relations, that is why words are sort of reward for us. Men are different and they seldom take females’ ‘terrible threat’ like ‘I won’t talk to you anymore’ seriously. For him such a threat is an excellent opportunity to take a rest from your chatter.

Source of the image: flickr.com/photos/nathancolquhoun.

5 COMMENTS

  1. As if all women were the same. Some do indeed express themselves in other ways with less words. There are the artistic types for example. And simply just girls who are less talkative. And some guys just talk too much about a whole lot of nonsense.

  2. Remember, ladies, we guys are pre-programmed to solve problems. If you come to us with a problem we’ll try to solve it. Meandering on about half a dozen things at once is meaningless to us. If you just want to be heard then simply start with “I just need to get this off my chest”. Don’t meander.

  3. Agreed, Mythe! Yes, we can have differing communication styles and should understand & value each of these styles … but the way this is framed in this article promotes a very limiting and narrow conception of gender, and hence of people; a view which I find makes it *harder* to connect with folks of another gender.

    There’s some other attitudes in here that don’t strike me as particularly helpful towards having a truly respectful, meaningful relationship. Why would I want to be close to a guy if a majority of my interactions with him were spent focusing on keeping the interaction on his terms, rather than genuinely connecting? Most awesome men I know enjoy meandering conversations that touch upon a ton of different subjects. It really doesn’t give men much credit to think that, by virtue of their gender, they’re only capable of having a very linear type of conversation,a conversation that skirts around the fact that we live in a world full of systems made of deeply interconnected things.

    If a man doesn’t respect me to trust that there’s some logic behind what I’m saying, or the style I’m communicating in whyever would I wish to be in a relationship with him? And anyhow, I’d hope a man worth being with would have enough emotional intelligence to be familiar with a decent variety of communication styles & their purpose/value.

    Also, more often than not, the reason I (and my friends) stop pursuing a particular friendship or potential relationship with certain men is how frequently they’ll interrupt us in the middle of conveying a relevant, worthwhile thought, without a second thought. (Some even treat us as if we’re rude for trying to finish up our point! And then they wonder why we’re not interested!) Some men spend most of an interaction trying to steer the conversation towards subjects they feel they’re knowledgeable about … which is fine from time to time, but there really has to be more give & take for it to be worth spending time with people like that.

    I think the way we’re socialized as women, we have no trouble feeling pressure to never ever interrupt men, even to the point of being late to our next engagement because there wasn’t a clear-cut opening to excuse ourselves. (And there’s some groups of people where the only way anyone ever says anything is by interrupting the previous speaker!)

  4. Agreed with Soufle Girl.We all are different creations of GOD made in His image.One should learn to accept the other person as they are.One cannot generalize some perticular traits are of women or of men.

  5. This woman speaks in absolutes like there is no exception. It’s insulting to both sexes when you think they can only be one way. It degrades us personally, and as a whole.

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