Tricky thing, relationship. First when you meet a handsome guy you go enthusiastic over him, he is the pinnacle of perfection. Then something goes wrong, you try to gloss over the difficulties, but the relationship crumbles up, and you are left shattered or bruised. The scenario is the same next time. Sadly, it looks like a game of endurance rather than search for love.
We would like to break the infamous spell, but somehow the scenario is impervious to our efforts. Why so?
Probably, we are incurably curious. We would like to try out practically every nice guy we come across, see how it will turn out. The hope to discover a golden heart inside many kinds of appearance drives us relentlessly forward – like in the saying advising to “leave no stone unturned.”
Besides, we believe we know what we want. It may (or may not) be true, our wishes are subject to change, and what’s more, they may not coincide with what we need. When we get our heart’s desire, will we find that it is good for us? Sometimes we want the bad things, you know.
So, how can we come to a better understanding on this?
A combination of ambition and support
When a man pursues his ambitions and chases his dreams – it is stimulating and sexy. But as the man is moving forward he can leave behind other people and their needs.
Speaking ideally, your man should always bear in mind your needs and likes at any given period in his life. While following the rainbow, he must stand on the ground firmly.
Man the fighter
Sometimes we get to believe that it is a mannish quality to challenge us, to disagree and fight us off at times (especially when it ends with a hot scene between the sheets). For some it is a symptom of passionate love – although passion can be a mere thirst for drama in our lives. Yet consider the possibility of living your all life like this – does it really appeal to you?
When the chips are down, it is a waste of energy. Your relationship is bound to get into a problematic stage, and this is when you will need your combined energy to come through. See how well he can fight for you, not against you.
You want a man to fulfill your dreams as well as encourage them
While we look at the man weighing how much he gives to the world, we do not often consider how much he is going to give to his partner. Of course it’s a good thing that he is a provider – but does he offer you a chance to express yourself, too? Or what he does is show you that you can’t stand close to him in terms of success. He should want you to find your place under the sun as well.
A choice between getting you overwhelmed and holding you in high esteem
Girls often like to be overwhelmed, to be whisked off in a jiffy into a relationship (and into bed). It is exciting, it goes to your head – but is that all you want? Are you really ready to marry the first skillful lover that came your way? No, you understand that you need much more than this, so count hot sex in, but don’t count on it.
What is more important: looks or caring?
We are always on the lookout for handsome men, though we know that beauty is only skin deep. Moreover, we don’t think that looks get worn off with years. Men begin to put on weight, develop bald patches. What we should focus on is the inside stuff.
Nevertheless, when we see a guy who is attractive and sexy, we forget to look closer for his inner qualities – yet we subconsciously expect him to be kind and considerate. Will we be lucky to meet a man who is sexy and caring?
Holding and holding back are very different things
You don’t seem to stop wanting to hold him and be held and cuddled. It’s fine as long as you keep your mind clear and get the point that romance is good only so far.
Your ideal partner would be the one who understands the need for a balanced life, goes out into the world with you and encourages you to excel in what you are fond of doing.
Is he lavish or affectionate?
Gifts always come on time, true, but then again, it’s a good idea to look deeper and consider what’s behind the gifts. Girl, you need true love, after all. Is gifts a means to win you or an expression of affection? Hopefully you are being loved, not bought.
Although he thinks the world of you, he can confront you when it’s necessary
Confrontation is unpleasant, but we all need it now and again. Your perfect partner should be able to see when you need one – and provide. It will showcase him as a clever fellow who won’t flinch at a hard task. Also, it’s much sweeter to receive his signs of attention when you know it’s not stupid worship, but honest appreciation.
Seeing the world without and showing the world within
A sign of a true relationship is that we get to know what we are really like and what we are capable of. Otherwise your man will be like a fellow-traveller who is fun to travel the world over with, but once you’ve got your photos and memories, you no longer need his company. Don’t be misled by a good companion – look for a man who will take you on a journey into you.
Having his picture is nice enough, but having him paint your picture is better
If you want a strong bond, rely on common values more than just being interested in the same things. It gives a warm feeling when you discover he loves your favorite movie, but you shouldn’t judge him by that. But if his plans for the future excite you as if they were your own, it’s a sure sign.
Perfection should be satisfying
Yes, you have been dreaming of a man who has everything. But if a man has everything, he has it for every other girl as well. While you may believe that your right guy must be perfect for everyone else too, what you really need is a guy with a special brand of perfectness: for you only.