How to Deal with Your Own Jealousy?


A terrible and very unpleasant feeling of jealousy sometimes eats a person from within. It poisons dreams and desires and removes everything pure and bright from life. There remains only the pain of disappointment and the bitterness of dissatisfaction. Jealousy is a destructive feeling that needs to be taken under control. Here are the ten thoughts that will help you do this.

1. Attraction to other people is normal

Jealousy often provokes the conviction that only we should attract our partners. All other women automatically become unattractive and even disgusting. This is an absurd expectation that none of us can match. It is normal not to deny that you like a beautiful girl, and this does not diminish the value of your relationship.

2. Men and women can really be friends

They are not supposed to inevitably spend a night together. Good relations between a guy and a girl do not mean that there is sexual tension or they once tried to build a relationship. If you are confused by certain manifestations of such friendship, discuss this with your partner, but do not try to isolate him from communicating with women.

3. Behavior in social networks should not always mean something

If he sent a Like to a beautiful girl in the photo, does he also like her? If he has reposted her comment or status, does he find her smarter than you? In 9 cases out of 10, this means only that you are wasting your time and energy exercising useless persecution. Yet everything depends on the nature of his activity. It is important to keep in mind the idea that Likes do not always have a hidden meaning.

4. Porn does not really matter

If he watches porn but does not take part in it – you have nothing to worry about. This is just a fantasy, and an adequate man understands that one cannot have it in real life. An inadequate guy can always be recognized through his strange behavior in bed and a manic glint in the eyes. If it’s difficult for you to share a partner with a porn diva, try to watch porn together. Talk about your desires, even the most insane ones. This will help you better understand your man.

5. Having fun without your partner is normal

You’ll have to get used to the fact that he had understood the meaning of joy much earlier than the moment you appeared in his life. There’s nothing wrong about his having a good time away from you, the main thing is that it’s not the only way for him to have fun. If you feel empty without the partner and cannot enjoy life – this is a sign of codependence in a relationship.

6. Surveillance only leads to painful feelings

When the partner leaves his smartphone or laptop unattended, resist the wish to have a look at his messages. Forget about this idea. Except from being a grave invasion of privacy, this may help you find something that you will not be happy about. You do not need to know about it even if it is a complaint about you to his best friend, to say nothing about a serious infidelity. Anyone who is suffering from the desire to spy knows that even if you do not find anything, you will keep looking for it, until you find signs of adultery. This behavior is harmful to your mental health and your relationships.

7. Jealousy is a sign of deep uncertainty

First of all, look for the reasons in yourself and not in the partner’s behavior. Why do you think he needs someone else? Why do you doubt your relationship? Get rid of complexes. Low self-esteem provokes thoughts that the partner is dissatisfied with your appearance, character or habits. You should never say “I am fat,” “I am not smart enough,” “I am not so beautiful,” etc. Believe that you are better than others, and the partner will also believe in this.

8. If he wants to deceive, he will do it anyway

In case of jealousy, it is better to be a fatalist. Preventive measures do not work here: he is an adult and understands how he can cheat on you if he wants to. Jealous behavior only spoils your relationship but does not help to protect yourself from infidelity.

9. Talking about jealousy is normal

Being jealous is bad, but this does not mean that you need to hide your feelings. It’s easier to explain what situations you are jealous of than to remain silent and restrained until you get totally crazy. If you find the right words and the right tone, in future the partner will surely avoid situations that provoke your discontent.

10. If you are jealous, you have too much free time

Find an occupation. Do not get offended, but really busy people have too many duties and hassle and they just lack time to check other people’s e-mails and fantasize about what the other half can be doing now.

11. Jealousy can be experienced by anyone, but ultimately it is useless

It is more important to try to understand how you can react to jealousy rather than why you are jealous. Are you fueling negative emotions and looking for more concern or are you trying to be rational, find the core of the problem and solve it? Learn to control jealousy and never yield to it.

12. A specialist can help you

If all of the above methods are not helpful, but you still value the relationship, go to a specialist. Do not treat this as something shameful, take this deficiency as a common ailment and a malfunction somewhere in the body. After all, you go to see the doctor when you have a toothache or an inflammation, so why can’t you now?

How often do you feel jealous and how do you cope with this feeling?