Friends, colleagues and family give recommendations based most often on their personal experience, which is not always constructive. Scientists decided to study the most common tips about love and relationships, and here are some unexpected conclusions they drew. Below are the most stupid tips that you can give to a person in search of a beloved one. Yet, these tips are given incredibly often!
Tip one: “Listen to your heart, you will immediately understand when you meet the man of your dreams”
Advisers suspect that you have powerful intuition and a magic ball! It is this combination, in their opinion, that will help to immediately understand that you have met that very person. In fact, there is no magic, and even level 80 intuition is of doubtful help.
Professor Paul Eastwick researches into the core of relationships. After a series of studies, he came to the conclusion that people tend to experience equally strong and positive feelings towards any partner at an early stage of the relationship — the first date, the first kiss, and the first sex. Moreover, it does not depend on whether the connection eventually becomes long and happy or fails. It happens much later that the partners make a mutual assessment of the relationship prospects and understand whether they have met the right person or it was merely unfortunate misunderstanding.
As for love at first sight, scientists give sobering arguments. The feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” is often associated with strong physical attraction. When it weakens, the feeling of love also weakens. Therefore, do not rush to draw hasty conclusions after the first few dates. Time will tell what your acquaintance will result in.
Tip two: “If you like a person, do not show your interest”
Ignore calls, reluctantly agree to dates, and generally act like you don’t give a damn about him. Women are often recommended to be impregnable in order to attract a man they like. It’s all about the hunting instinct, advisers say. It forces men to make every effort to achieve what they cannot get here and now.
Researchers really prove that we are more attracted to people with a selective taste. At the same time, both women and men, want to see at least some signs of affection and interest. “I am selective, but I like you,” is the message that works better, according to psychologists.
This curious conclusion was made by a group of scientists led by Dr. Cornelia Y. de Wit. They studied the phenomenon of falling in love and found that total impregnability does not cause the desire to achieve. On the contrary, it repels. Practicing the role of a princess from an impregnable castle, do not forget to occasionally throw out the rope ladder for the man of your dreams to reach you.
Tip three: “Do not reveal your feelings until you are convinced of what he feels”
Control your behavior carefully – you should make an excellent impression rather than display negative character traits until a person loves you. If you are given such a tip, relax – this is nonsense. The first impression really matters, but excessive openness or, on the contrary, secrecy does not help to get to know each other better and build a trusting relationship.
According to Dr. James S Uleman, a healthy relationship is based on the gradual disclosure of characters and feelings. You should not talk about all your shortcomings at the first date, but it is not an option either to conceal them for months.
Tip four: “Opposites attract – look for someone who doesn’t look like you”
This is the most common relationship myth. In fact, those who have more common features in their character and especially in their vision of life have a better relationship.
Opposites can attract and even delight us, but only for a short time. A talkative person will be attracted by silence, and a choleric man may draw a phlegmatic girl. However, after just a few months of communication, the opposing qualities will become a source of quarrels and endless irritation. This is the conclusion made by Diane Felmlee, Doctor of Psychology.
If you are attracted to a person with the opposite personality traits, take your time before you dive deep into the relationship. Give yourself time to get to know him better and evaluate your prospects.
A lot of things are not as obvious as they seem at first sight. But it is equally unfair to call all visitors to dating sites liars and perverts. The least of all liars is the one who really has serious intentions. Sooner or later, a lie will expose itself, and the beginning of a good relationship will be ruined.
As for the widespread belief that acquaintances in the network are for the wretched and desperate losers, it lacks evidence.
Paul Eastwick, whom we have already mentioned, has also studied this issue. After a series of studies, he became convinced that there is no difference between where people get to know each other if their goal is to find mutual understanding and love.
More is yet to come. American psychologist and sociologist John Cacioppo conducted his research and came to the conclusion that the couples that have originated online have a higher socio-economic status. They know each other better (long live messengers!), they are ready to overcome difficulties and appreciate the treasure that they managed to find on a worldwide network.
If you meet someone interesting on the Internet, give both of you a chance. It is quite possible that a story with a good ending will come out of your acquaintance.