Most people are horrified about how to survive the so-called midlife crisis of 30-year-olds, when the panic about wasted years and unfulfilled ambitions appears. At the same time, many believe that this phenomenon mainly affects the male population, whereas ladies cope with it easier and faster – they just have no time to bother about such things because of multitasking
Yet psychologists disagree with this statement, assuring that changes are observed in the lives of the fair sex as well, and they are not always positive. Below you will find the signs that you have entered a midlife crisis, and the basic myths that are not true.
On the day I turned 30, I locked myself in the bathroom and just sobbed. Moreover, I could explain neither to my nearest, nor even to myself what really upset me. Was it the awareness that I was no longer 20 or so, or that during this period I have not achieved anything worthwhile? I had a real hysteria, after which I even had to turn to professionals for help. 4 years have passed from that moment, and now I can say with confidence that, although I have not put up with the fact that a lot in my life has gone irreparable, I feel much better – I don’t understand why I was worried about my age at all? – Our heroine knows firsthand what a midlife crisis is – the so-called “expectation and reality”, when harsh reality does not at all reflect what was dreamed of in distant youth. Let us try to understand what signs can point to your having a midlife crisis, and at the same time debunk the main myths.
The main signs of a midlife crisis:
Non-acceptance of oneself
In other words, you used to consider your reflection in the mirror with pleasure, but then you ceased liking anything about it – neither the dull look, nor the “wilted” skin, nor the hair that lost its former attractiveness. Even the most fashionable and well-cut outfit does not really suit your figure.
You realize that “everything is wrong,” but you are not ready yet to accept these age-related changes. Psychologists reassure that you can certainly regret your past youth, but it is better to look at this situation from the other side. Imagine that now you can allow yourself much more, you do not need to worry about those complexes (or fears) that you used to suffer from earlier. You can accept with dignity the fact that you have become wiser and, oddly enough, it sounds attractive. Try to love the woman you see in the reflection, and believe that there are pluses at every age.
Experts claim that this period in women can coincide with the so-called premenopausal period, when hormonal changes in the body affect not only overall health (usually worsening it), but also mood, emotional perception, and so on.
Reconsidering Your Next Steps
By this age, ladies increasingly start to think about their status, their achievements and career (after all, not only men are worried about their position in society). They are very often haunted by the thought that they are not doing what they should, that they are wasting their time, although it could have been useful. During this period, many women change the vector of their development, leave their highly paid (or not really well-paid) job in order to find the one to their liking: someone starts their own business, others turn hobbies into their main activity, others change their sphere of activity and start their path to success with the simplest positions.
Earlier, you used to reject annoying questions like “The clock is ticking, so when will you get more serious?”, “You are already a little “older than…”, it’s time to think about marriage too,” “At your age, it’s indecent to work for such a salary”. However, when the midlife crisis begins, something seems to “click” inside you and you begin to realize that half of your life’s journey is already gone indeed, so there’s practically nothing to surprise you, and the future seems to be very gloomy.
Psychologists pay attention to the fact that if you program your thoughts in this way, depression will not take long to come. In addition, some ladies believe that after a certain age they no longer look attractive in the eyes of a partner, and therefore they deliberately reduce their age by 5-10 years not to scare the gentleman away. Although men themselves are quite positive about the age of their partner, arguing that the main thing is not the figure, but sexuality, charisma and the ability to see happiness in small things.
This item follows from the previous one. A woman ceases to feel desired, sadly noting that there are a lot of younger and more attractive ladies, who can easily attract any man they want. In addition, at some point she accumulates a lot of experience (including negative experience), so she clearly knows what she can forgive to a potential gentleman, and what is a categorical no. In most cases, this categoricity leads to the fact that the lady suffers from loneliness, not seeing next to her the “ideal prince” whom she herself invented.
Another extreme situation is as follows. Realizing that the prince will not wait any longer, the woman responds to the flirting of the one whom she would never look at before. She just suddenly decides that she is not worthy of a better party, so she has to choose from the available options. This is a misconception that further hits self-esteem.
Key myths about those over 30:
After 30 years, it’s a shame to say your age
The big mistake many ladies make is to hide their age. Yes, some time ago a woman in her thirties aroused public discontent (especially if she has not been married before this age), but now everything has changed. 35-40-year-old modern women look no worse than young girls, but at the same time they already have an understanding of what they want from life, from relationships and so on. They know their worth and will not waste their time on those who for some reason do not suit them (this applies not only to their personal lives, but also to their careers).
Loafers, who have not achieved anything, suffer from this
Another erroneous opinion that has nothing to do with reality. Believe it, many successful ladies who have a multi-million dollar deal, a successful business and other pleasures of life can be dissatisfied with the fact that everything could have been different, but at some point they turned the wrong way. Who knows, perhaps they would be happier than now. Therefore, a midlife crisis can overtake absolutely everyone: a creative person, a housewife who has devoted herself to caring for her husband and children, and a self-sufficient woman who has everything that others could only dream about.
I already had all the best, I have nothing to expect from life
This is a common myth that has nothing to do with reality. Yes, you have achieved certain results, and this is quite good. You no longer need to pretend to be who you are not. Unlike those boys and girls who want to prove that they are the best, you have nothing to prove, so you can just exhale and enjoy life. Find something that will inspire you and motivate you to new exploits. The main thing is not to get stuck in four walls, not to turn into a castaway.
It gives me the right to walk with a displeased face
Even if it seems to you that everything is bad and unpromising, you should not break loose and walk around with such a look, as if everyone owes you something. Do not be capricious and arrange scandals out of the blue. Try to use this period to rethink your life, to understand what you really want.
It ruins my life
The crisis of middle age is a very unpleasant state, but not enough to put an end to your life. Yes, this period is transitional and associated with certain experiences, but remember how weird you were in your teens, when you thought that the whole world was against you and you should rely only on yourself. The same thing is happening now. It seems to you that all the best is in the past, and there is just uncertain future ahead of you. Still, this period will pass and you will look at it with different eyes.
I can no longer fall in love and enjoy life
This has nothing to do with reality. You are just like in your youth, one day you can meet a person with whom you will have a certain emotional connection, and you will understand that the best is yet to come. Moreover, age is not a sentence. Who said that now you have to give up your favorite activities and hobbies? Age is just a figure in the passport. And you are free to act the way you like.