Now and then, there comes a downtime when our confidence goes down the drain and we are left with a hollow, empty feeling about ourselves. This is but natural – so far, it doesn’t go on and on indefinitely and gets us so low that we no longer enjoy life and don’t feel up to conducting our daily affairs.

Consider these steps to healthy self-esteem and build self-confidence.

Identify the things that make your self-esteem lower

Go through all the situations which pose a threat to your self-esteem. There may be ones like the following:

• A scheduled public presentation
• Any situation fraught with a possible crisis
• A confrontation with someone, the possibility of a conflict or maybe other kinds of close interactivity
• A sudden dramatic change, often negative
• Loss of friends, people close to you

Take stock of your ideas and expectations

Now that you know what sorts of situations undermine your confidence, go through the thoughts they cause. Your perception of them and your inner dialogue that follows can be very expressive.

To start with, your perception may be very negative, brightly positive or indifferent. Then, it may spark your imagination and make you invent things and happenings without regard to the hard reality.

You need to check your perception for truthfulness. Do you think you could share your ideas with somebody else? It’s good proof of their relevance to the situation.

Generate self-kindness

When a situation busts open a well of self-criticism, develop a habit of halting the flow and be kind to yourself instead. Picture yourself calming down a friend of yours who found herself in this kind of situation – we are often cleverer in regard to other people’s quandaries.

Bear your proficiencies in mind

All of us cannot but be proficient at an activity (or maybe at just listening to people attentively and maintaining friendship!). When we are busy with it, we feel content and happy.

Get busy with challenges

Single out what you would like to change in yourself. Maybe about your appearances, like physique, or a psychological change – learn to interact better, be more open and easy-going, strike up acquaintances.

Choose – it doesn’t matter what much – and let it lead to your scheduling activities to develop whatever it is you want to be improved.

Avoid quickening your pace

When people make up their minds to effect changes, they are often apt to go overboard and achieve all their goals at once: have it out with those they disagree with, follow a strict diet, and get down on work heavily. Do everything that enters the head at once. But this tactic can be self-destructive and end in burnout. Take your goals step by step with no undue haste.

Enjoy the process without craving for a quick result

Some of your attempts may be futile. With others, you may have to wait for fruition long enough… You may have braced yourself to speak with the boss, but it wasn’t a great success. Your diet isn’t working as well as you expected. Don’t get discouraged; the best thing is you started it and are going on with it.

As a matter of fact, goals are not the point – it is far better that you have taken the steps, have been instrumental in altering your life, have conquered your doubts and left your comfort zone. The achievements will come in as a pleasant addition, but you have made your greatest achievement already!

These activity achievements will be piling up, you will be more expert at taking control of your life, and it will change slowly. Anyway, you won’t ever feel your self-respect draining away. You will be the one at the helm.

Banish negativity from your thoughts

You don’t have to believe that your initial perception of a situation is the truest and best one. Check it against logic and common sense. You may have to choose among various interpretations.

You may not notice the absence of logic – if you have regular trains of thought, you may allow them to cloud your judgment and maintain an illogical belief in them.

While you are at it, look out for some thoughts that are bad for self-respect:

An all-or-nothing attitude

Negative filtering. That’s when you show a distinct inclination to wallow in negativity – like jumping to the conclusion that a botched task can make everyone think that you are totally inefficient.

Attributing positivity to flukes. When you tell everyone around that your successes are owing to the fact that the task proved too easy.

Blind beliefs in negative outcomes. Negative beliefs are often formed without tenable evidence. If something has gone wrong, that happened because you made a blunder and everyone knows it and derogates your reputation.

Believing emotions to be facts. If you feel bad, things must be going from bad to worse.

Having pessimistic inner dialogues. When you assure yourself that you don’t deserve any luck.

Put your ideas and beliefs in a positive order

All negative and pessimistic thoughts ought to be exchanged for positive ones. It can be done by employing the following strategies:

Remain hopeful and considerate of yourself. When you start to believe a situation is going awry, tell yourself that you can’t be sure of it. Think of putting in some extra effort to tackle the issue and believe everything is going to be OK.

Be forgiving. You can’t get by without chalking a number of mistakes. They don’t mean that much, mistakes are everybody’s curse, but they pass away and get forgotten. Explain to yourself that they are not worth brooding over.

Don’t push yourself. Think whether you are overburdened and there may be a need to ease your load. If you stop yourself from accruing obligations and duties, you may be clearer about your current position, what you can expect from it and what to do next.

Center in on optimistic signs. Remind yourself of things that came off fine. Go over your tactics for dealing with complex issues.

Run over the lessons life has taught you. Focus on the changes you introduced owing to negative results; what can you change to make things work out right?

Play around with discomfiting thoughts. If they create stress, rephrase them positively or think up a means to tackle them.

Buoy yourself up. Give praise for the changes you initiated. You may have failed to achieve all that you wanted, but if you have made your point, accentuate it and credit it to yourself. You may not have reached your goal, but you have moved forward.

You may need support

You don’t have to bear it all alone if we come to that. There’s no real reason for you not to seek assistance. You may fare better in the company of leaders who tell you what to do or friends who will listen to you and offer some tips or criticism of your vague points. Especially at the initial stage when you are not accustomed to the process yet.

As you make progress, it will go smoother – to take action, estimate the prospective outcomes, and later weigh up the results. Mind you, don’t go too heavy with expectations!

Your first step is actually clear-cut: risk it and leave your comfort zone. With or without support, you can wish yourself luck and do it straight away.