What you expect of a relationship would be that it felt fine, and it lasted awhile (at least). If it works along with your expectations, you are ready to accept certain ups and downs because the principal thing is you two are together, open for sharing, discussing, and resolving issues that keep coming up. This togetherness ought to feel just right and fulfilling.
Now a toxic relationship is something a pole away. Time spent together leaves you utterly outworn, devastated and craving for changes. There are also other signs indicating toxicity at work, so first of all, do become aware of them.
The general feeling is all wrong
You are totally spent in the evening, but in the morning you don’t feel refreshed. A toxic relationship is apt to sap all your energy, confidence and resolution you are able to muster. You can feel totally unable to function, move ahead, self-develop.
In worst cases, the toxicity of a relationship can affect your overall health – so you would do well to be on the lookout for signs of possible ailments in your body.
Your partner finds faults and pitches to you all the time
A toxic partner is someone who doesn’t care much for your hobbies and pastimes; instead, they invariably hit on some fault of yours, real or imaginary, that you need to rectify. It grows into constant criticism of what you are.
They lay out traps nearly every time they open their mouths
Most of their remarks are really concealed traps intended to catch you in the wrong. Answering questions result in hearing “I thought you would say that!”. Statements seem to imply that they know your hidden agendas. They make out they understand and spot everything, and it becomes a conversational swamp.
No support forthcoming
Relationships are based on mutual support so that you and your partner can improve and attain success. There is no such thing as a toxic relationship where there is always tug-of-war and rivalry.
So whenever you are together, this time brings no positive feelings. You don’t get any support, any assistance. They cannot be relied upon to turn up at your events. Your interests don’t seem to be taken into account ever, because your special one is sharply concentrated on his or her own concerns.
Relations are saturated in jealousy or envy
To be envious and jealous is merely human. These feelings do arise now and then, but when envy is always there to flare up, it can spoil your mood, your day, and finally, your feelings.
It is even worse with jealousy. It’s all right to experience pangs of jealousy, yet if they linger, they leave the door open for suspicion that begins to undermine the existing relationship.
You are always expected to offer sacrifices
Really, we cannot very well get by without sacrifices. Making sacrifices for your loved one is definitely virtuous and high-minded; still, the question remains, just how necessary each sacrifice is? When sacrifices pile up, the partner who makes them has to give in more and more, neglecting their own projects. That is hardly the proper spirit for the notion of sacrifice.
There are also the feelings of the one on the receiving end to be considered. While they are sure to feel loved and appreciated, they become indebted to the giver.
There’s too much control
Has your partner fallen into the habit of inquiring where you have been – or where you are – every time? Do they expect you to respond straightaway, and if you fail to, they send you text after text until you answer?
Such a manner can indicate possible unbridled jealousy and mistrust, but there is also a desire to exercise control over what you do. Anyway, all these attitudes bring toxicity into your relationship, and control paves the way to abusive behavior.
The heart of the relationship is the base concept of utility
At times people can treat other people as a resource; while it is acceptable as a friendly favor, it won’t make a decent foundation for a healthy relationship. There are inherent pitfalls that can make the relationship crumble after a while:
No person can remain “useful” for a long time.
This type of relationship turns out to be highly impersonal, and this can lead to inadmissible and unbearable situations which will dissolve the relationship eventually.
You have gotten in a position where you feel obliged to cook up stories about what places you went to and who you were with. Either it would help if you had this exigency to spend some time away from your partner or their response to the truth may be discomfiting for you.
You stop sharing your needs – they never take them into account
Each time you state your needs, they are met with neglect or dismissal, so any further statement seems to be entirely purposeless.
Worse still, this kind of conversation may lead to a more toxic result: a quarrel, making promises that will never be fulfilled, or even accusing you of inability to settle your own affairs, high demands, untoward behavior, or mental disturbance.
You both enjoy very different sets of rights
Now, which of you has more rights or more power? A drastic imbalance in these bespeaks of underlying problems. A healthy relationship means a well-balanced allotment of power.
You are neglecting yourself
Your whole life, as well as your relationships, are based on proper self-care since you and your near ones need to have you in the pinkest of conditions.
Should it happen that you are left without any time to be spent on yourself because your partner needs your assistance and your permanent presence for them to go on in the best fashion, aybe, your relationship has gotten perilously misbalanced.
You cannot but want them to behave differently
So your partner is giving you a rough time, and you cannot wait till they change your attitude… But it doesn’t seem to happen. What’s more, it will never happen. If your special one means to give you a toxic relationship, they see no reason to change at all. It will go on like this.
Your partner evinces irresponsibility
Whenever you want your partner to alter a habit of theirs that keeps annoying you, it is perceived as an invitation to a fight – well, something in there is toxic. It is normal to accept feedback with good grace and adapt to the situation. But with a sensitive person who feels hurt at every request to mind some trifling household task, something must be wrong.
You fall victim to all sorts of abuse
If it has gotten round to verbal or physical abuse, you know you should be out of this relationship.
Passive-aggressive responses are a norm
Harmless on the outside, the passive-aggressive way of interactivity is really highly toxic. Firstly, it excludes any possibility of a meaningful response; secondly, issues at hand cannot be tackled directly. Passiveness-aggressiveness is usually used to disguise true feelings and evince a predictable reaction. Displeasure can be presented as well-being (“I’m all right”), manipulation can be disguised sometimes as an agreement offered (“Of course you can stay out, never mind me”), sometimes as a show of care (“If you would rather have a rest, we can stay at home”).
Responding in this manner, the manipulator lets you feel the jab, making it difficult to pick the issue up. Especially if the problem is a serious or recurrent one, it cries for an open discussion, but you will be getting none of it. The partner will try to preclude it from being talked over and resolved.
When you are together, it wears you out invariably
When you are enjoying your relationship, you want to spend as much time with your special one as possible. But in a toxic relationship, time together can be virtually tormenting.
You have a sincere desire to see them, and you arrange a date, but just a few minutes after you are on the date, you begin to feel insecure and worried. They have already said something that puts you in a false position. They are not keeping the ball rolling. The situation is not above-board but dubious. You feel badly out of place through no fault of yours.
You know that when you are with someone special, you should be enjoying every minute of it. Why choose toxicity?