Regardless of the desire to revive the relationship, some principles cannot be crossed. How to understand that your man should not be given a second chance? What forms of his behavior should alert you if you consider giving your relationship a second chance?
Hearing the word “violence”, we involuntarily imagine the extreme forms of its manifestation, for example, physical aggression. However, in real life, this concept is much broader. The main goal of any violence is to force a person to act or experience certain feelings against their will. This definition also includes less harmful behavior. What signs will help you understand that fighting for a relationship and giving a second chance to a partner is useless and sometimes even dangerous?
Accusations and reproaches
You share your progress on a challenging project at work, and get reprimanded and devalued in return. The partner does not share the joy of your achievements but shifts the focus of attention to shortcomings and weaknesses. It is important to remember that such behavior can be hidden: it can manifest itself in small things, accompanied by a denial of what is happening.
To avoid getting used to this attitude from your partner, give yourself space to acknowledge your own feelings (resentment, shame, fear) and share them with your partner. At the same time, remember that sometimes talking is powerless, and getting out of a relationship becomes the only way to save your mental health.
He’s a control freak
Do you have to ask for your partner’s permission to meet a friend? If you still managed to get out for a walk, are you obliged to share your geolocation and correspondence? This is a sure sign that you need to fight not for the relationship but yourself. Control of all your movement and communication can be disguised under feelings and excitement. Remember that this behavior is not a concern for you but a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Reviving such relationships is very difficult: your partner needs a sincere recognition of the problem and a desire to fix it or to contact a specialist. However, if you notice that conversations do not work, your guilt grows and the circle of communication is limited to the partner himself, this is a reason to sound the alarm and quit this relationship as soon as possible.
You want to discuss vacation plans with your partner or share your feelings after a long day at work. In response, your man rejects these talks as “trifles”, does not want to delve into the essence of the matter and simply remains deaf to your feelings. This is an alarming sign.
Remember that balanced communication and attention of partners to each other is the basis of a trusting, healthy relationship. Phrases “how was your day?” or “how are you feeling right now?” shouldn’t just be a routine way to fill the silence. If you understand that indifference has become a constant companion in your couple, it may be the right time to change something.
Fraud and broken promises
The partner constantly ignores your requests and considers them a waste of time, breaking agreements. It’s time to think about the viability of your union. In terms of deception, it is not the scale that matters but frequency. Yesterday he did not buy food for dinner, although you repeatedly asked, and today he broke his promise not to raise his voice at you during a frank conversation.
One thing is obvious: the partner regularly does not fulfill his promises, and it’s not because he is tired after work. If your requests remain only requests, perhaps the best solution would be to end the relationship.
Just not alone
When giving a relationship a second chance, it’s essential to be clear about what you’re fighting for. Look inside yourself and honestly answer the question: “Do I want to continue this relationship because being alone scares me?” If the answer is “yes”, even though passive aggression, humiliation or control is constantly present, such an alliance is doomed. Remind yourself that the pain of a breakup is temporary, whereas remaining in a dysfunctional relationship will permanently deprive you of the opportunity to find yourself and your happiness.
The constancy of quarrels
If quarrels have begun to be permanent in your couple, this is a bad sign. Contrary to the romantic stories in the cinema, constant screams, scenes of jealousy, and the intensity of emotions are not a sign of a sensual relationship but of people’s inability to control emotions and to express their feelings respectfully to their partner. It is possible and necessary to solve this, but if quarrels do not become less frequent and a confidential dialogue does not stick, it is worth reflecting on the situation.
How often do you do things in a relationship or experience negative emotions under the influence of a partner? Coercion is difficult to recognize. Listen to yourself – why do you feel fear, shame or anxiety, always agree with your partner’s opinion, or are afraid to argue about everyday affairs? The feeling of guilt can lead to the attempts to maintain “harmony” in such relationships, constantly giving a second chance to someone who does not see you as an independent and free person.