There are people who enjoy other people’s liking at first glance. They easily make new acquaintances; they are able to establish a trusting relationship with anyone. Everyone loves and appreciates them. But how do they do it and is it possible to learn this? Science has the answer!
1. Encourage the interlocutor to talk about himself/herself
If you communicate with anyone for the first time and want to leave a positive impression about yourself, you should not load the interlocutor with a lot of information about yourself. Dr. Diana Tamir and Dr. Jason Mitchell from Harvard University discovered in a study of 2012 that a person who listens more than speaks leaves a much better impression. This effect is magnified many times in case you allow your interlocutor to talk about how cool he/she is. According to scientists, in such situations, the same pleasure centers are activated in the human brain as when taking food or having sex.
2. Ask for advice
Ask the people whose love you want to win for any advice. All people like to give advice and moralize, as it emphasizes their status and value. It is important not to lose the sense of limit and not to cross the invisible line. In case of excessive intrusiveness you will get the opposite result. In his book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, Dr. Adam Grant considers this method one of the best ways to build a trusting relationship with the needed person. In addition, you get useful information as a bonus, and sometimes you may hear some really valuable advice.
3. Develop the conversation in a positive direction
It should be remembered that any communication takes place according to the law of strengthening and absorption of emotions. This law states that equal emotions are amplified, while the opposite ones absorb each other. This rule became the basis of the technology developed by Nobel Laureate psychologist Daniel Kahneman. He offers to start a conversation with a positive message or question, and only then move on to the point. It looks primitive, but a positive attitude during the first minutes can help the interlocutor accept both your request and the negative information.
4. Repeat the last phrase
People want to be heard. Let them know about it by just periodically repeating the last few words of the sentence with an appropriate tone.
- You know, this new tablet PC is not working the way they showed in the advertisement!
- Showed in the advertisement?
- Yes, they placed the tablet on the table playing films for four hours.
- Well, four hours…
This conversation can be maintained for hours, almost without making any effort. Remember the conversation between Sheldon and Amy called ‘Please pass the butter’.
5. Do not focus on negative things
The human psyche is set up in a way that makes us discuss other people’s misdeeds, disasters or emergencies. However, one should remember that the information you reproduce will subconsciously affect people’s attitude to you. Gradually, you will be associated with the phenomena and events which you most often speak about. According to Dr. Richard Wiseman’s book, each person has a kind of “emotional memory”, which imprints other people’s images. If you manage to leave a positive imprint, any action of yours will cause approval and sympathy.
