While it’s true that you shouldn’t give up on your marriage without a fight, there are situations where divorce is the best solution. And before you start speaking of staying together “for the children”, you should know that it’s much less harmful to a child’s psyche to live through a parents’ separation than to be raised in a house with a bad marriage (Scientific American).
Therefore, the best thing to do is to assess your relationship critically and make a decision based on that.
When Filing for a Divorce Is the Best Solution
- Abusive relationship
- Resentment
- Disaffection
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Inability to resolve conflicts
Note that in all the cases, except for an abusive relationship, you might take a chance and work through the issues you are having with a marriage counselor. However, the chances are that you won’t be able to reignite your love and then resentment and other negative emotions will just keep growing.
Even if there is no negativity involved, by staying in an empty marriage you are robbing yourself off a chance to be happy. This might be the best time to part amicably and stay friends if you can no longer be romantic partners.
There is also the issue of infidelity, which is a very common reason for divorce. However, even that isn’t a deal-breaker for some couples. Therefore, if you have the emotional strength and resolve to try and work through this, it’s worth an attempt.
How to Make Your Divorce Smooth
If you’ve established that getting a divorce is the best option, you should try to make it as painless as possible. First of all, you should talk and try to come to a reasonable settlement without hiring a lawyer as this will save you a lot of money.
As you might need legal guidance, you can use a variety of modern solutions to help you, such as online divorce services. Note that these platforms can help you through the legal aspects of the process, but you will still be restricted to the laws of your state. For example, an uncontested divorce in Florida might take a little over 20 days, but a no-fault divorce in Wisconsin will take no less than 120 days due to the mandatory waiting period. And in New York, you can only file for a divorce after the relationship has been “irrevocably broken” for no less than six months.
It’s these types of legalese that might cause some issues and why you will need guidance even if the process of filing for an amicable divorce seems to be straightforward. However, they shouldn’t force you to pay $10,000+ in lawyer’s fees while there are other opportunities.
But money and strangely-worded legal documents aren’t the only things you’ll need to worry during a divorce. To make the whole ordeal easier to live through you need to prepare for it by planning everything out thoroughly.
If possible, consider separating and settling in your new residences first. This way, the stress of a move for one or both of you won’t add to the stress of legal divorce proceedings. And it’s best if you don’t live together when filing for a divorce. No matter how friendly you are, this time is bound to be awkward, and cohabiting through it might result in conflict.
To reduce the emotional impact of the divorce, you should get counseling. Preferably, start before you get to the actual divorce. This will help you navigate issues that might otherwise cause arguments, like child support and the division of assets.
If you have children, be sure to provide them with counseling. At the least, you need to discuss this with the school counselor and have them help your child through this transition. The sooner your child will get help in dealing with the divorce, the less of an impact it will have on their future life.
