Building relationships with our partners is important, but even more vital is love toward ourselves. How can you love and accept yourself if your inner critic is constantly judging, comparing and evaluating? Start small, and step by step self-perception will change for the better and you’ll be able to love yourself more.
Change your inner dialogue
Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. In what way do you analyze your actions and words? Do you berate yourself? We may not be aware of how often we humiliate or undervalue ourselves for the little things that are not worth a letter.
Try to replace a dozen negative words with one positive one. Further – more, soon the positive internal dialogue will become a habit, and instead of self-humiliation there will be a sense of dignity and respect.
Stop striving for perfection
It’s the same idea you should share with your kids struggling with failures: don’t focus on the result, but the process and progress you’re making while performing a task. The effort is much more important than the result. Thus, by changing your focus you’ll get rid of perfectionism.
Maintain only healthy relationships
Loving yourself is much easier if you love someone, be it your husband, or kids, or even friends. Spend more time with people who support you, or limit your time with those who don’t respect your personal boundaries.
Family, friends, and partner are your support and backbone, and the love and positive emotions they give is a must for self-love. The more you communicate with people who appreciate you, the more you begin to appreciate yourself.
Don’t forget that your environment plays an important role in your life, and with each step you open up more, not only to each other, but to the life around you.
By noticing only the bad things in your life you won’t start loving yourself more. Instead, you’ll have an impression that you’re a loser living in a mean, unfair world. By reminding yourself how much good stuff has happened and is still happening to you and being grateful for it, you’ll let more positivity in.
Make paying attention to wins and small pleasant things a habit. Search for the evidence for how great your life is, and you’ll love yourself more!
Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made
We are all human, and there is simply no such thing as a person who has never made a mistake. If you’ve made a mistake in the past, why can’t you be worthy of love and respect now? You have to forgive yourself for your own failures.
Also, take a time-out to understand why you did what you did and how you would like to behave in the future in a similar situation.
We are constantly changing and going towards self-improvement. Regard your previous mistakes and the lessons you’ve learnt from them an asset to be proud of and love.
Don’t give yourself names
We teach our kids that name-calling is a bad thing. But even worse is calling yourself dumb, a failure or a loser, because at that moment you’re focusing on a single side of your own personality, and it’s not the best one. But what about all the good ones?
Instead of saying “I’m so stupid” after not passing an exam, say: “I haven’t prepared for the exam well, this is why I got an F. Next time I’ll do my best and try harder”.
Accept the world as it is
No matter what situation you’re in, let things take their course. Stop wising up and thinking about how it should be and why it’s not happening. Patience is something each of us should learn.
Once you begin to accept what is happening and stop complaining, you will be at an advantage in every situation. Each weather will turn out to be beautiful, and the seemingly uncomfortable situation will be resolvable. Trusting what’s going on is a sure way to feel harmony and find a peace of mind.
Don’t expect the worst outcome
People who don’t love themselves enough often tend to expect the worst outcome in almost every situation. This is how you are programming yourself for the worst scenario.
Alter the way you think – try to expect the best result and outcome. Imagine it, describe it in your head during a self-talk. This will keep you from exaggerating the chance of a failure in every situation.
Get to know yourself better
Try writing down your thoughts and emotions every day. How you reacted to this or that situation, when you experienced joy, and what action made you mad.
With each word you will begin to understand your feelings more and more, and therefore learn how to manage them, creating a comfortable environment. It’s much easier to love someone you know realy well.
Take care of your body
How often do you call your body or a particular part of it ugly? At the same time, you forget how great it is to live and to have this body of yours! Be grateful for all the great things your body can do for you: walking, breathing, running, battling viruses, building anti-bodies. There are so many great things your body is doing for you, it’s time to start feeling grateful and pay it back by taking a good care of your body, too.
Stop negative self-talk about your “fat butt” or “too small boobs”. Instead, take care of your physical health – this is an integral part of accepting and loving yourself.
A balanced diet, exercise and rest will have a positive effect on your body, and subsequently on your psychological state. You don’t have to run a maraphon or stick to a strict diet, find your golden mean and find something you like, be it running, yoga or dance classes. Moreover, once a conscious approach to health becomes a habit, you definitely do not want to give it up.
Give yourself a chance to surprise you
Try saying “Yes” to the things you mostly say “No” to. Go on a date with an acquaintance whose invitation you were previously embarrassed to accept. Agree to a trip to a distant country or a weekend in a city you’ve been avoiding.
Let the situation get out of control, because who knows what a pleasant surprise it could turn out to be? Do not let yourself stagnate in one place, because falling in love with life gives the main thing – the ability to love yourself.
Make a list of your strengths
Sit down and write a list of all the things you’re good at. It can be just anything!
- I’m a good mother.
- I can dance.
- I can sing and clap at the same time.
- I can cook tasty omelette.
- I’m a good friend and listener
Try to write specific things, too, for example:
- I’m a good colleague, because I serve my team, ask them about their struggles and try to help each time I can. That makes me a supportive employee.
- I’m a good daughter, because I call my parents every weekend to ask how they feel and visit them regularly. I also planted trees in their garden and helped them paint the walls in their house during my vacation.
Do you see now how great you are?
Do not forget to thank yourself
Before going to bed, think back to the previous day and thank yourself for at least three actions that brought joy and benefit to you or any stranger. Think about what you would like to say “thank you” for tomorrow. This will not only provide encouragement, but will also help you figure out exactly what you want to get out of the next day.
After leaving an important milestone behind, make sure you reward yourself with a cup of coffee with your favorite cake, a new book, a spa day or an extra hour of sleep. Celebrate your accomplishments! You deserve it, because you are absolutely worthy!