Why Couples Argue about Sex

And how to make a woman enjoy sex


Have you ever wondered, why couples argue about sex so often? He wants sex every day, while she wants it twice a week. He falls asleep right after sex, while she would prefer some caressing after sex. A good sex life is an important part of every relationship. So why are there so many conflicts between men and women about it, if they both need sex? The answer to this is the difference between the sexual appetites of women and men. At particular periods of life women want more sex, than men, and vice versa. And this was programmed by Nature a long time ago. Let us see this difference in detail.


The Libido of Men and Women Changes

The following graph shows, how the libido of average men and women changes in the course of their lifetime. It is drawn just to demonstrate the difference of the sexual drive of males and females. It surely does not mean, that this is the only norm and there are no exceptions. Every person is unique. Though this graph simplifies the real situation so much, it explains a lot.

Libido of Men and Women

Male and Female libido

An average man has the highest sex drive, when he is 15 to 20 years old and then his sexual appetite declines. An average woman achieves her libido peak at the age of 35 to 40. Thus, the libido of both men and women vary with time. But a man and a woman of the same age having the same sexual appetite is not a frequent case. The following situations are surely familiar to you. A forty years old woman dates a teenager, because her husband does not want sex as often as she does and this boy can and wants it exactly so often. At the same time a man of this woman’s age finds a perfect sexual partner in a twenty years old girl. Both couples achieve harmony in their sexual life. But how is it possible, if they are so different? If you look at the graph, you can see, that the sexual desire of a young woman is similar to that of a forty years old man. But when this woman gets older, her sexual appetite will grow and she will prefer a younger partner, as the libido of a teenage guy would normally be the same as hers.

Duration of the Intercourse


Another battleground is the duration of the sexual act. An average man is like a gas fryer, and an average woman can be compared to an electric fryer. It takes only a few moments for a gas fryer to become hot, but then it can be turned off and cool quickly as well, when the food is ready. An electric fryer gets warm slowly till it is hot and after this it needs much time to cool. This is why women often need more time than men to get ready for sex.

Knowing the nuances of the libido of men and women is one of the most important steps to achieve harmony with your sexual partner. Please, be more patient with your partner and attend to each other’s needs.


  1. Hi Im 27 years old and my lovely man is 40yrs old we’ve been together for almost 3 years. My sex drive is sky high we usually do it once or twice a week, our lovemaking is fantastic but Im always wanting more. Am I too greedy for wanting more?? Ahhh its driving me crazy!! I love my darling but sometimes I get really fustrated when we dont do it! Im always thinking when we are going to do it next. How can I slow my sex drive down???. Hahaha cold showers don’t seem to work….

  2. My Question, I am 47 years old and have been dating a man 27, he is now living with me. We have a awesome sexual relationship WHEN it happens, usually about 2 to 3X per week, I want more, what should I do, he explains that its not all about sex and that I should be patient, but being next to him at night turns me on in a very sexual way, I feel like I am too sexual, am I?? please help!

  3. I’m afraid no one is answering our questions here. It is not fair that some people have had comments on their questions an from a point on…the rest of us haven’t. I really would like an opinion on my problem posted on oct 14. Thanks

  4. 41 y/o man – 34 y/o woman. My drive is like a 20 y/o. Here is either full throttle or nothing. We’ve tried everything, including swinging. Her drive is simply not consistent. We are both committed to the relationship, but when I tell her that I am suppressing myself except for the 5 times a month (usually in the same week, with zilch in between) she is on (which is mind-blowingly good), she feels inadequate. If I forget the oil, I get blisters weekly. My option is to take someone like Prozac to shot don my libido, because it really becomes a problem. I am unable to tell if she is playing games with me, teasing me, or tweaking me in or to make something happen. If I guess wrong, it ruins us for the next few days. When she is with other guys, she has no problems letting herself go, but with me, even after 8 years, she can’t bring herself to let go. Sounds like i am the issue, even though she swears otherwise. She was looking for a female Viagra, but says there isn’t such a thing. It really sounds like the only answer is for me, the guy, to suppress my desires. It worked for the past 5 years, until she asked me to be honest about it, now it bothers her that I am suppressing, but there is nothing in her behavior that has changed that indicates I should not continue. I am interpreting this that I should lie to her about how much I have to suppress myself, and keep her happy, and just deal with it. I get the feeling this is the reality of most men, and the ‘cutesy’ idea that women like to say they have just as much of those feelings as men do is a fairy tale. Next time you hear a woman spout that line, ask her if she is ready to go. When she says ‘no!’ or a variation thereof, just smile, and say, ‘see, told ya!’. Girls, it isn’t the same. yeah, it may last a week or two, perhaps even a few months, but then you die down, and leave us guys with the real libidos hanging. You just get hooked up with a lamer with ‘issues’, so you can say, ‘but the stats are opposite for me!’ Uh huh. There are nice, sensitive, well educated, self-sufficient guys out there who will drill you into the ground until you cry ‘uncle’, if it means enough to you to look. Just do not judge a guy by the first year. See if they can still hang after 5 years. That means keeping multiple targets on the hook for long periods of time. Men, same advice to you. Don’t get all excited when the first 6 months to a year is a seaman’s wet dream – keep juggling them for 4-5 years, and see who is still able to provide.

    See it all,
    The Man

  5. Hey,
    My gf is a couple years younger than me and Im in my 20s. But we have been having sex at the beginning of the relationship a lot more often then we do now. We would have it a few times at least every second day but now we’re only seeing each other once or twice a week, but now those days we do get time to see one another she isn’t in the “mood”. Is there something that could be the matter, that has suddenly changed the way she wants to have sex with me. As before she’d want it a lot more often and actually start the occasion but now it seems to be me, as the only one pursuing it.
    Is there something that is wrong or what I have tried asking her how come it seems like she never wants it but she just says that she doesn’t feel like it as often. And it isn’t that we never have it. But now its like once ever two weeks. But for me thats a drastic change not to have her wanting it any more.

    Any help or ideas?


  6. Hi, I’m Jason, 25 years old and currently in a relationship.

    I’ve got kind of a basic question that I think need be cleared up:

    What exactly is meant by sex drive?

    Does it mean how often you feel the need to have sex? Does it mean how well you perform sexually? Does it mean the amount of pleasure you get out of a love-making session?

    I think this we need to clear this up because I’m curious if I’ll still be able to enjoy sex in, let’s say, 20 years.

  7. Thank you Geniousbeauty! Well, I just wanted to tell you that after I spoke with my husband about the problem and like I said he was angry… Well 2 weeks later my period came, and after it I was feeling great! I am feeling those things that I didn’t feel for a while. I hope that “the strange feeling” doesn’t come back…or I will have to keep a journal of my sex life to see what could be the problem. I think that letting him know what I was feeling took a lot of that weight from my shoulders, now I just need to keep working on my relationship so this won’t happen again. Many of the things you told me would stay on my mind to remind me of what could be the reasons and what I should do. Thank You for your Ideas!! I hope I don’t need to ask for help again.

  8. hi, everybody!

    thank you for visiting my blog and for commenting. I will anyway answer all your questions, but, sorry, I can’t always do it fast. Many of your comments deal with sexual drive of couples. I decided to publish another article about this issue – “Sex and Marriage”, you can read it here: http://geniusbeauty.com/men-and-women/sex-marriage/

    I hope, it will answer some of your questions, like why the sex drive decreases when you live together with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time.

    Take care.

  9. well according to the graph,man in their 40 need a younger woman and woman in their 40 a younger man …than when we are in our 50 sexdrive levels with man and woman being the same ..now we are stuck with young kids and we can satisfy them ….and they have to suffer with our old wrinkled A$$ES…..so the moral of the story ..when you in your late 30-40 and want to leave your wife of the same age ..just understand that …this younger woman and or younger man will also leave you when they reach their sexual peak…..and we cant deliver anylonger…and that is why love is more than sex ..and the best for children is haveing parents of comparable age …..not dads that are actually grand dads not dads…..and older man are just as ugly and unapealing to me than older woman …so why dont they stay together and raise their children and act like normal human beings not like sex crazed aging fools………..iam going only with a man my age ..5 years up or down……not some nasty bug eyed old f.a.r.t

  10. I’m 26 years old and my libido is through the roof. I definitely want it everyday. My partner is 10 years older than me at 36, however her libido is to her admittal not what it used to be, which doesn’t seem to match up with what the graph is saying. I know you said everyone is unique, is it possible she has already reached her peak? Or is her peak yet to come?

  11. I’m just curious where this information came from? because my boyfriend, while trying to convince me to have sex with him, told me that female libido peaks at age 25 (I want to wait till marriage, and don’t want to marry till I’m out of school, and that won’t be till I’m 26) and I’d like to show him this article, but he won’t believe it unless he sees the cold hard facts and how the info was gathered.

  12. I am a 31 year old woman that has always had a very high libido, wanting it as many times a day as I can get it, and at the least, every night. I also like different places and positions and just basically pretty adventurous. I’m in a lesbian relationship with a 29 year old woman that pleases me greatly in bed, but is happy with it about 2-3 times a week. She is trying so hard to please me more often, and she does. But it still causes some tension and fights every now and then. I really hope that it doesn’t cause the end of our relationship like all of my other relationships. Why does sex have to rule my relationships so much and is it possible to find someone with the same high libido as me? Thanks.

  13. I’m a nineteen year old female and my fiance is a twenty-one year old male. I want to have sex 2-3 times a day and he only seems to want to have sex 2-3 times a month. Is there anything I can do to reduce my libido?

  14. I am 30 years old and have been with the same man, faithfully, for almost 7 years. I also have had a brain surgery and a heart surgery in 2007. Young I know for all this! But, my boyfriend and I seem to argue alot. Sometimes to the point that we are yelling over each other and he is threating to “snap my neck”. He tells me that I have “issues” because I don’t think about sex 24/7. I have 2 children, ages 5 & 10. My 5year old started Kindergarten this year. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like sex and I have orgasms everytime, it is just that I am extremely tired from trying to do “daily life” as a responsible parent… cleaning, laundry, washing dishes while the kids are at school so when they get home we can do more family things together, like play UNO or a board game every now and then. Now keep in mind that I give it to him about every other night or at least 2 times a week. If we are not having intercoarse then I am pleasing him in other ways. Today we argued to the point where I had to leave because all he was doing was calling me names and trying to get me to “yell and argue Back with him. I love him and even though he has gained about 100 pounds since we got together, I enjoy sex with him, I just don’t think of it 24/7. I deal with pain everyday, I had a brain surgery and I have life long symptoms. Not trying to use that as an excuse but on the days where I feel “ok” I would rather load the dishwasher and get caught up on the laundry than go have ” 15 minute sex” He is always making me feel guilty when I say ” honey, I love you but I am just not in the mood right now, I am tired and in a lot of pain right now” When I do say no to intercourse, i try to please him in other ways but he gets all bent out of shape and stomps out of the room mumbling under his breath. I wake up the next day and he is moping around the house and slamming things trying to get me to fight with him. I know that I should be having sex more than 2-3 times a week, but I feel that I can’t say no to him without days of bullsh*t and him trying to argue and calling me “abnormal” and saying that there is something wrong. I feel that he is not understanding. What do i need to do? Somebody tell me that I am normal and that it is okay to occasionally tell my man “no” without fighting!

  15. I am 36 years old and my partner is 37. i would like to be able to be intimate with her 2 or 3 times a week. She feels that 2 or 3 times a month is more than enough. In fact, theevery time we are intimate in a normal month actually feel like she is doing me a favor. I make sure that she climaxes every time we have intercourse, but this still does not encourage her to have sex more often. She can set the limits on how many times we have intercourse—I cannot and will not force myself upon her, of course. However, I don’t seem to have a say in how active our sex life should be.

  16. By your graph my girl and I should be decently matched, yet my sex drive feels as srtong as when I was 18-22 and hers is either not fired up or has long past. I don’t think your graph works because I am turning 32 this year and she will be 34………. about the only thing in me that’s come down is my aggression and ability to control myself when shes not wanting…. In my youth with the testosterone My legs would thump up and down impatiently while my mind raced with Ideas on just how to make my other bend to my wishes. I still want to make her bend to my will, trust me but now I’m calmer about it and I think my thoughts are more respectful too now. Still Wish she had the animal urges I do.

  17. My boyfriend is 28, I am 25. He feels that he is owed sex at least once per day while I feel satisfied with 4x per week. I certainly don’t feel that I am withholding anything from him and wouldn’t call him deprived by any means but when I don’t feel “in the mood” we fight about it. Three days ago I wasn’t “in the mood” and he was so angry with me that it ruined the rest of our day. We have argued about it everyday since then and now it’s been 3 days since we’ve done anything. Now I’m starting to feel deprived, but for me it’s an emotional thing and I can’t feel that desire for him when I’m so angry with him and he still maintains that it’s “my duty” to do it whenever he wants it. It feels like a downward spiral and I don’t know how to escape it. Please help…. any advise is better than none at all.

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