Why Do We Refuse Sex


One in five married persons regularly finds excuse not to have sex with their partners, claim British sociologists who interviewed 4,000 men and women. Scientist looked at why spouses do not want to make love.

No Sex

Sex and Headache

They did a list of top ten reasons to refuse having sex. Having headache was the most popular excuse previously. The phrase, Honey, let’s do it another time, I have a headache, was heard in many movies and jokes. Now it was topped by another reason, tiredness. The phrase I’m very tired is currently at number one on the list of reasons to refuse sex, according to Daily Mail.

Sociologists highlight that office work and corporate culture affect marriage in a negative way. The fear of being sidelined pushes career-oriented people to focus on their job, neglecting other areas of life.

Top Ten Reasons to Refuse Sex

  1. I’m very tired
  2. I’m not in the mood
  3. I have a headache
  4. I have to get up early tomorrow
  5. I’m worried about my job
  6. I’m angry with you
  7. Children may hear us doing it
  8. You have to take a shower
  9. My back hurts
  10. It’s too early for it

Why Do Men Refuse Sex

It turned out that contrary to the stereotype that men are ready to have sex at any time, they refuse sex more often than women. 28 percent of polled men and 18 percent of polled women admitted they try to avoid their bedroom duties. Men’s reasons to refuse sex, unfortunately, lie deeper than just having a headache or stress.

The survey showed that one third of men don’t want to have sex with their wives because they don’t love them anymore. They prefer not to discuss it for the sake of the family and their children. The same was true with one in five women polled who said they don’t want to have sex with their husband or long-time boyfriend because their feelings died.

Why Do We Avoid Talking about Sex

Most people try to avoid talking about sex, if they have to discuss their sex problems. It may seem that bedroom is the perfect place for sincere talk about sex life, but these talks do not happen because half of spouses pretend sleeping when their partner is getting into bed. The same reason explains why 40 percent of men and 20 percent of women avoid going to bed simultaneously with their partner. It seems like men and women act like children who don’t want to take on responsibility when it comes down to talking about sex.

Sex Crisis and Economic Crisis

One in five polled said that financial crisis and problems related to it took a toll on their sex life. According to a representative from marketing agency OnePoll that took part in the survey, financial crisis entered even bedrooms. Many people are now working more than ever. They are constantly preoccupied with worrying questions about their wealth and success. Am I going to be fired tomorrow? Will I be able to clean up my credit? It goes without saying that such thoughts may impair sex life.

Source of the image: sxc.hu/profile/Kotori.



  2. This is not an accurate article. It is common knowledge that it is women who almost always refuse to have sex with husband and the opposite is very rarely true.

  3. Jeff-
    you’re wrong! While it is a common myth that women turn down sex often and men rarely do, that is not at all the reality. 

    From my own perspective, I want sex all the time (everyday, multiple times a day, at least 3-5 times a week), my boyfriend rarely wants it. It has now been 6 weeks since we’ve ‘done the deed.’ 
    So, really?!

  4. Interesting.

    I’ve been married for 7 years.  Sex life seemed to die down during first pregnancy, and never been the same since, e.g. she won’t undress for sex now.  The tiredness is common.  Kinda hurts because she never attempts to save herself energy for me.  Worse is when I ask if she wants to have sex and she maintains her fixed gaze at the book/computer game and says ‘no, not really’.  All attempts from me to ‘get her in the mood’ are rejected as pathetic or manipulative.  Argh!!!

    I created a google spreadsheet with a survey style data entry form and accurately tracked when we each asked each other for sex and what happened (refusal, sex, etc).  Sounds crazy probably.

    Results over the last 3 years.
    We did it 46 times.
    I asked for sex 6 times more often than her.
    Our consent rate was 34.3%.
    Sundays were the most common night.
    Sundays also had the highest success rate when I asked.
    Our weekly rate shifted between 0.2 and 0.6.
    She has asked for sex 22 times total (that’s about 7 times per year).

    I think my preference for sex would be about 5-6 times per week.
    Her preference for sex seems to be something like once every 10 weeks.

    I am so so bored now.  Committed to staying faithful, but not satisfied.
    Drives me mad and she doesn’t want to talk about it.

    I wanted to give some real world data since I had some.  Each person posting including me is just one data point, so we should trust the survey not our own experience for general trends!

  5. Leave her now!…. nothing will change. I’m now married for 27 years. Have had sex with wife about 3 times in past 3 years. None in past 13 months. I resent her for it. When it comes up in conversation I get blamed. It’s a no win and always will be. I have actually lost my will to live. I’m dgraded, emasculated and bitter. It has negatively affected everything I do. Women, if you want your man to perform in liofe then you need to perform in bed!!!

  6. My husband has refused sex or anything from me me in the past 45 years. Actally we had sex once on our wedding night and he told me it was the grossest thing he ever did. No meaning, no pleasure, just a smelly gross act that he would never do again. He immediately moved to the basement where hes lived all these years. He even worked the midnight shift so he wouldn’t have to be around me. The depression and lonelyness has been terrible, but I got through it some how.

  7. Ive only been married just over a year,together for three, my husband hardly ever wants to have sex, yet still downloads copious amounts of pornographic pictures of women and gets off watching slide shows of said pictures on our 3D tv, iv’e had many rows  trying to explain how utterly worthless i now feel but am always shot down with the response that i masturbate and have a dildo…i would never cheat on my husband but have no intention of becoming a bloody nun!! Without said dildo i’d have gone a long time ago!!
    I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have sex with me as he was apparently at it all the time with his exes and i’m far from ugly, i feel totally repulsive and even though he says he loves me all the time i really can’t believe him, i hate myself now and have no self confidence, i’m a very young looking 31 and my husband is 40, starting to think my sex life is over!!

  8. I was married 8 1/2 years and during the first four year sex was the issue, there was none. during the 5th year in our marriage my wife at the time started giving me excuses why she doesn’t want to have sex to me…I was very patient with her but then my patience ran out during the 8th year being married I gave up on her and her ongoing excuses and divorce her. Now I have been Single 2 years now trying to find a women to have sex and a relationship that is all, with no plans of marriage. Recently I met a women who just want to be friends with me as if I already have female friends…but she would try to turn me on then say she doesn’t want sex, just be friends. She would ask why do I why do I want sex all the time…well I have been single almost two years and I crave for sex every day, or every other day so what’s wrong with that? Long story short I would love to pound her if she ever call me and ask to spend a night, then she would know what she have been missing all of he life.

  9. I’ve only had sex once in 45 years of marriage.
    MY husband hated it he thought it was disgusting, pointless, meaningless, not worth the effort, smelly, messy and he also said he couldn’t believe some one actually does that to another human. So he moved down stairs and I up stairs, and I was told not to ever bother him or talk to him. I leave notes for him to fix stuff and when the taxes need filling out. That’s the only time for any communications.

  10. I been married for 24 years, I notice my sex life with my husband has change, I notice he give me the silent treatment act, like he’s mad at me refuses to talk to me at night talks to me over the phone when am at work he’s fine like nothing has happed. I try talking to him about it and he go to the car to sleep.

    so I don’t bug him any more. I try to walk away from my marriage he refuses to let me go. I don’t know what to do any more. I just don’t understand him because he refuses to talk to me about our sex life I just feel so sad and empty inside of me.

  11. My husbands demands for sex started the day he came home from the Navy. There were reasons for my refusal even though I wanted it as much as he did after being underwater or in secret sequestered schools the last three and a half years, all of them were concerns that his family and his fathers friends had about his return to his civilian job he was coming back to with more than 60 percent of the workforce in seniority, and his disruptions of other lives using that seniority. After I had been sent to live with his father and mother six months before by the navy for being bi polar I had been told of the time he had returned from the army nine years before, I was told of hi98s complete lack of respect for social and political positions in the area and was asked if there was some thing I could do to keep him from demanding his rights under the UAW contract. just get a way to settle things with his return.
    So within three days after I saw how angry he could become first the second day he was home he told his father he was going to rip[p the wall out to my room if he did not see me to help get a place to live and just see me. The first sight I had of my husband was he pined his father against the ceiling and was telling him he was going to die if he did not get off his last nerve. The next day we went back to his fathers to drop me off and he was leaving for another 12 hour shift when his fatther was there, there was a woman his fathers age and a very pretty young blond who I found out had six months to my husbands now Nine years seniority. My husband had put his shift preference in to bump her to seconds off days which would have devastated her social; life.
    Until 2013 its been one argument after the next to just get my husband to back off what he wanted even his Spine fusion and Rehab In 2009 after MRSA caused his spinal cord to be crushed means nothing to any ones needs but his as evidenced by him Removing my right to say no after 31 years of marriage I was just trying to get a reset back to the two years proposed in 1985. To try and get his crippled statues and think about what solutions everyone had to his problem. He said He was no longer giving me any thing to keep him from his rights in the marriage and me and everyone else better understand under the roof he paid for and the time I remained under it He was the final judge and Arbitor. In other words he was not leaving me with any choice or options but his. He forced it. No offer of time, no letting any one get used to his coming home after three years of rehab. Just what he wanted in life now and since then that’s the way its been. Intimidation, the offer of money, even the offer of allowing a girlfriend of mine to have sex with him has been thourghally rebuffed.
    Including the trampling of all holiday and vacation traditions now., Even the promise of doing something with him at a latter day has failed to get him out of them has failed He wanted 33 years of denial and pain to be paid back with his threat to kill people on Christmas jus because I handed him a diinner plate and told him to take it and eat in the barn I was getting dressing and potatoes and gravy out of my hair for the next half hour, Hs father and several friend were badly pummeled in getting him thrown out on the porch with the threat of being shot if he came back in less than a 1000 years. All I wanted was peace when he burst back through our front door on the back of his horse, and he threw the lariat loop around his fathers neck tightening it and all the while training his riffle on everyone. He even told one man go ahead be stupid he would not mind putting a .30 hole in his head and a garage door in the back if he drew his .40 SW. Ii never thought that the resentments built over 33 years of wok and illness could come to the way things came down.
    I have been trying to think of if there was some way to have let him have the life he wanted without making people mad. Now there is nothing in his life but resentment and the determination to make everyone feel the pain of the way he was treated. there is not any attempt to see our needs and the reasons why it was felt he could not be allowed his rights. And I think Christmas was the last attempt to try.
    I did not want to even try and ask him to go to the barn but after he refused to go any where else over Christmas his father drew me aside and told me there were people that did not want my husband in our home when we had dinner . I thought getting the first actual dinner in 33 years from his kitchen he would at least agree to go to the barn and eat. I was as well as everyone else told he was the only one that would ever decide when and where he stayed in his home, and none of us had any thing to say as we stared down the barrel of his 30 30 rugger.

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