Despite the fact that both partners should be blamed for family troubles, it is always more useful to analyze your own actions than to accuse another person. What mistakes extend our way to happiness?
The first error is described in fairy tales, where the heroine is young and beautiful. Girls love fairy tales and identify themselves with fairies or princesses. And the script of life is already written in the subconscious.
This is the model of society. The tale is about Him and Her. What does the heroine do? Nothing. She sits and waits. She is young and beautiful. Nothing is said about the heroine being, let us say, 37. The rest is optional. For example, there are heroines in shabby aprons, and there are “high-status” and shrew heroines. The main idea is the same: “I am young and beautiful. The best of men will fight for me.” The girls are sitting and waiting for about ten years. And then they sigh and think that real men are “extinct.”
The problem is that each age group of men is attracted to a specific age range of women. The period of hyper-demand falls on the girls who are from 20 to 30. In the same age period, men face hyper-competition. Then the situation changes.
At the age of 30 years, a man learns, works, fails in love affairs. He, young and hot, may go down to a forty-year-old man. But after thirty he suddenly realizes girls are drawn to men. It will take a couple of years before he changes the tactics: instead of the hunter and conqueror he will be a picky “buyer”. Meanwhile, 30-year-old princesses will habitually sit with a tiara thinking they need to be conquered. The main thing is not revealed to girls in fairy tales: the period of this behavior pattern is limited.
The cult of youth
Before approaching the line of “demand reduction” it is necessary to understand what makes you interesting except youth and beauty. When you finally experience a drop in demand, it is necessary to raise your flag and wave it actively.
It does not matter that much what kind of a flag it is – a pirate flag or a flag with a tasty dinner drawn there. The main thing is that the flag should be seen in the crowd; the picture on it should be intriguing and enticing.
It is important to understand what your demand area is and behave appropriately to new circumstances. If you are 35 years old and you behave as if you were 25, do not be surprised that over time the number of good men will be reduced considerably.
The main women’s mistake is when sitting in one place and doing nothing they chose the wrong man, realize it after some time, but continue to take the situation for granted. Such a man is like a poor-quality patch. He will always get “unstuck.” In this respect, a woman always feels guilty of something – her ‘wrong’ weight, age, nationality, mother and other relatives. This will be a speaking “patch” – his favorite phrase will be “look at yourself” and “who needs a woman like you.”
Finding a partner can be compared with a fair. And you should go to this “fair” with adequate self-esteem – if you run into a “patch” man, you should not tolerate him.
Only eight percent believe their marriage is happy after it lasts more than 10-15 years. These partners have once performed five tasks perfectly well:
women have clearly found the answer “why they need a man.” Not a particular man, but a man in general;
they have created the right “selection” of men in their immediate environment;
having looked closer at the “selection”, they have carefully “filtered out” unnecessary choices;
they know the true value of a relationship and the values that men live with;
they are able to save the relationship.
Try to understand his values
It is important to understand the system of male values. Those who understand what cards are in their beloved man’s value deck live with their husbands happily.
Those who were ashamed to start a conversation about the values of each other at the beginning of the relationship and did not ask fundamental questions, often fall into the wrong area of relations. The next error is disdain for the partner’s passion and finding ridiculous what he finds dear.
You may not share your husband’s hobbies or understand little in them. Just accept this hobby as “your husband’s sandbox” and that’s all. It is not obligatory to take part. Let him play in his sandbox alone. After all, you also can have such a “sandbox”, your own hobby.
“Honey, there’s too much of you”
Another common mistake of many ladies is the desire to fill their partner’s entire galaxy with themselves. They are together everywhere: shopping at the weekend, going to the gym in the evenings or even to the tire service. What if the man feels bored there?!
A woman thinks that she enriches their mutual life. Each man has his mental personal space. There is some place for a woman there. This place is constant; the woman is not always assigned much of this space. This does not mean that a man does not love her – it is just that he feels comfortable this way.
Accept him without any conditions
Perhaps the most important thing is to accept your man as he is – with his passion for virtual games, inability to tie a scarf and a habit to leave the tube of toothpaste open.
It is possible to criticize him for the toothpaste, but not in the “chainsaw mode.” Constant criticism makes a man nervous. Over time, especially if you have a guest marriage, or someone often flies on business trips, there will develop a conditioned reflex “when you are around, I feel bad, you constantly criticize me.” And even the most passionate sex will not override this boring condemnation.
If you are not willing to put up with some fundamental flaws – do not connect your life with this man. There are stories where beautiful and smart women are abandoned; men prefer completely undistinguished ladies, and no one understands what has happened. That is because they are ready to accept the man willingly. Men seek recognition in society and adoption from relatives. As a matter of fact, it is a gift. Present your man with a gift. A strong man will leave if he is not accepted. The weak one will remain.
With a sense of duty
A strong man will quit the relationship, if there is no acceptance. But there are cases when the man is strong and right, but he remains. Not for a long time, however. This is the so-called commitment. This term is used by many psychologists. If you simplify it, this is some moral obligation that keeps a man with the family at some particular time. For example, someone in the family is seriously ill and needs the man’s help or money. It could also be the marriage “for the sake of the children.”
“This is my cross” – this is how many men evaluate their commitment. However, the moral duty may be positive; it may be a part of love.
Then it cements the relationship. We wish your man to have such commitment in his life. In such a case you will have the chance to live happily ever after.