When searching for a breathtaking life partner who is already past his green youth you can run into somebody who is on the wrong side of 40 and yet has not been married yet. Now such marital condition can cause raised eyebrows and incite certain suspicion. What is there in the man’s past to account for his prolonged bachelorship? When you are together, it feels so right, and yet you can’t shake off premonition: what if he is over fastidious? Or he is playing with your heart? Or he is very narcissistic? Or he shuns serious commitment? How can your relationship develop, resolve and remain rewarding? Can it last at all?
You really need to resolve these doubts, so in order to enter into the relationship with open eyes, you can deliberate upon the following six points:
1. Look into his past relationships
Some guys are bent on reminiscing just how good they were – always have been – to all their previous flames, but have no comment to make on what went wrong, it’s a sign for you to have second thoughts about him: he seems to be unaware of his own shortcomings, or maybe his inveterate narcissism prevents him from building steady relationships.
2. Listen to what he has to say about his past girlfriends
He is sure to have had a number of girlfriends – what does he have to say about them? Once he keeps repeating the same complaints (they were very demanding, they expected too much of him, they picked at him incessantly) – it might indicate the fact that he is inclined to play away from the same scenario that has undermined all his relationships. There is a possibility you may be heading for the same treatment.
3. Bring up plans for future
See if he is willing to discuss the topics of marriage and your future together. If he is happy with it – well and good. Men trying to sidle away from such topics are unlikely to commit themselves.
4. Get him to dilate on marriage
Family-bent men are sure to discourse on marriage at length willingly. They relate to their friends‘ happy tales of marriage and avoid referring to marriage derogatorily. So those who play the notion of marriage down, sneer and jeer, maybe ones who won’t go committing their love to any particular woman.
5. Dig into the history of his family
His mind frame on commitment and marriage is often shaped by his family: guys who come from divorced parents or families riddled with controversial issues can have warped ideas about marriage, and that will tell on your relationship. Of course, it doesn’t follow that children born from divorced parents must inevitably divorce their partners too – some of them, watching their parents‘ problems, resolve to avoid making the same mistakes. Yet it is worth your while to watch out for men ignoring their family situations or still burdened with them. You may get to intuit his attitude to marriage and relationship and understand the patterns governing his behavior.
6. Check for the similarity of values
Delve into the level of beliefs – are you both spiritual, do you share religious ideas? In case you are very different in those realms, there is a rift that can prevent you from staying together for a long time, even if you are quite happy for the time being. It is all right as long as you are not thinking in terms of the lifespan yourself, but if your mind runs on the line of a long-lasting marriage, you will be well advised to discuss your differences thoroughly to see if they might get on the way sometime in future.
Once you have discovered that your boyfriend is committed to your relationship and is ready to discuss marriage, he is already investing into your life together, and you share the same spiritual background, then his lack of previous relationships doesn’t matter that much. Naturally, it would be better if he had experience in serious relationships, but as things stand, you can count on lasting feelings and commitment.
On the other hand, if both of you are low on common views, you find him reluctant to share his history, he never touches on the topics of future and marriage, it is a sure sign that he is not to be relied on for a long-term relationship. If that is what you long for, you may want to move on in search of a serious family-minded man.