You must have heard this dozens of time, spoken to yourself or to your friends – “you’ll get over it,” “live it down,” “leave it behind you,” “it’s already history” – said about a hard breakup. It may sound supportive, but it’s not quite true. For many people breakup portends a long and painful aftermath. As a recent study of breakups avers, people are apt to “overestimate the ease at which we should move on from failed relationships.” While it may be easy for some, others can be plunged into a mire of dark reflections for a long spell.
In a nutshell, we should realize that there are people for whom “history” remains “an ungetoverable present” for weeks and weeks. Whether it’s a self-deprecatory period or simply inability to move on without an emotional pause, people get stuck in the aftermath – and may be in dire need of help in understanding how the situation is evolving. Here are some hints which may come in useful even if you haven’t had a recent split.
Men can’t bear sexual infidelity
It’s almost instinctive for a man to leave a woman who cheated him with another man. A Saint Louis University study describes it as a “direct threat” to man’s genetic self-realization. It boils down to the fact that he may have to rear another man’s child and, consequentially, he failed to pass down his own genes.
Women would rather resent emotional infidelity
For women it’s not an issue, since their children are their own. So, a father stands for stability, safety and well-being of the family. As soon as there appear signs that he might be unwilling to perform this role (for the reason of his affections being engaged elsewhere) and provide for his kids, the mother may want to begin looking for a safer haven. It isn’t that a female bears infidelity gladly – no, but she understands the difference between physical and emotional cheating and deems the emotional kind more detrimental as one more likely to result in losing her partner.
No-one wants to put up with cruel treatment
We don’t need experts to tell us that, but still – people who are prone to violence are unlikely to have many children. Due to their cruelty and unpredictability they don’t acquit themselves as good reproducers and parents, and therefore don’t attract family-minded women (and faithful sexual partners).
Money as a relationship stumbling block
Whatever we hear from singers and songwriters, money can ruin the best of relationships. A study in the Family Relations puts money arguments far above sexual, relative-related and children-related squabbles as grounds for divorce. Money quarrels occur irrespective of incomes, last longer and take top marks for intensity as compared with other kinds of quarrels. According to the study, it happens because people keep to hard-set notions about money and expenses; also, financial disagreements may mask other and deeper problems within the family.
If you can’t drive your ex out of your head, it may help you in the end
Dwelling on the past relationship may look a little bit morbid at first sight, yet it can have an emotionally strengthening side to it. There’s a study in the Social Psychological and Personality Science that explains that long reflections on one’s ex and relationship with him can lead to a better realization of one as a single individual.
Social networking works against relationship
Have you thought that regular visits to Facebook can prove harmful for your current relationship? From a study published in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking journal it emerges that Facebook socializing can lead to all kinds of cheating, including sexual, resulting in split-ups and divorces. Another study tells the same things about Twitter. The studies give no idea of the background for these outcomes, but social networking sites, being good meeting-places, naturally hold out temptations to cheat on the sly.
Relationship is addictive and breakup can break you free of it
Yes, love can be like a drug – something you don’t want to lose hold of, but keep taking daily in large doses. Experts say that love and affection stimulate the same areas of the brain as addiction to various substances does. It doesn’t quite come as a surprise, does it? The stronger our feelings for a person were, the more addictive we became over the period, and a split doesn’t mean the feelings died along with it. We are supposed to smart for some time while our addiction is wearing thin. You won’t be able to hurry the process along.