Many consider giving up the relationship a failure, as if you sign for your own incompetence.
Don’t be afraid to leave. Life is short. You should be able to leave when a movie is bad. Give up a bad book. Break up with a wrong person.
Even in the most desperate situation, each of us has as many as three ways out. The first is to accept. This is (kind of) an escape. The second is to try to change something, which is already better.
Finally, the third one is to leave. It is the only option when the first two don’t work. We will talk about it in the article.
1. When you are deprived of the right for personal space
It is not even about jealousy per se (although it has destroyed many relationships), but about the atmosphere of distrust and possessiveness, which an overly suspicious partner can create. It is a lover, who is offended when you go to meet with friends of the opposite sex.
Where are you going? Whom are you texting? Why do you have a locked phone? Don’t you trust me? Oh, an erotic dream, cool. Was it about me? What do you mean by no?
It’s not about you (if you really keep the promises given to your partner). It’s just that many are simply not ready to realize that every person has their own personal space, including the erotic one.
If your GF forbids you to watch porn (or other girls on the street), if your BF’s eye nervously twitches at the mention of your male friends, maybe porn (or a good vibrator) will give you more than this person on the other side of the bed.
However, if he or she comes to read your mail, run like hell. It will only get worse.
2. When you feel disrespect and shame
These two feelings have killed more relationships than all the cheating put together. Actually, it is a trivial status game.
When your partner humiliates you (your desires, dreams, work, hobbies or your contribution to the family budget), he or she eventually lowers your status in your own eyes, making you feel worse, weaker, less worthy.
Ann’s husband earns more.
Do you know how ridiculous you look in that dress?
How long are you going to play those video games? Are you seven years old?
Don’t be a pussy.
You’re not a man — don’t meddle.
This game has many forms, but if you feel that it is going on for very long, don’t participate. Just leave before your “significant other” completely destroys your self-worth. Finding a new partner is easier and cheaper than putting up and then reassembling yourself.
3. When you do not know how to fight and make up
All couples quarrel. Quarrelling is not the end of the world. However, when any argument is held in a raised voice, when you or your partner take to heart any nonsense (How can you not like “Game of Thrones”? You are…) and especially when such clashes occur often and without any reasonable cause, ask yourself:
Is this an anomaly, or is this our relationship?
4. When you are constantly dissatisfied with sex
I will not consider the situations where partners are not able to convey what they want to each other. This is a topic for another article. However, what if you have approached the issue correctly? You are communicating and looking for a way out. You both want and try, but it doesn’t work. You have different rhythms, different instincts in bed. It happens.
Then it is time to weigh the “pros” and “cons”. Do you want to spend, if not a lifetime, then, say, ten years with this person? Are you ready to give up good sex for these ten years? Get it only in fantasy? Fake an orgasm? Are you ready to discuss the idea of having “approved sex” elsewhere?
If you have thought well and can sincerely answer “yes”, it is all right. It’s your choice. If not, it might be better to rip off the metaphorical plaster now, before it has grown fast, to mourn a little and try to be happy with someone else.
5. When one wants kids and the other does not
He wants to travel all the time, and you want to stay at home. You can work with it. He wants a big house in the middle of nowhere, and you want to be in the thick of things. Still, you can figure it out. However, with children, it doesn’t work.
Of course, many get away with “somedays”. Someday I will want kids, but not yet. This, too, can work. We are talking about cases where both partners have decided on this issue for life or for a large space of time.
There are no compromises here. It is impossible to agree for child just a little, like you cannot be a little pregnant. Either someone sacrifices or someone leaves, and in most cases, it is better to leave.
Children are a huge responsibility and great happiness at the same time. Putting such a burden on someone who is not ready for it, as well as depriving the one who dreams about it, is cruel, and no one should have to face this choice.
None of the relationship is destined to last forever. This can be sad, but it is the reality. Still, it does not mean that you should not seek and find love.
The problem is that many consider giving up the relationship (even a tedious and obsolete, even a murderously unhappy one) as a defeat, as if you sign for your own incompetence. These relationships can last for years, and that’s really sad.
Don’t be afraid to leave. Life is short.