11 Don’ts for First Night with New Partner


You are having your first sex with a man with whom you want to build a serious relationship. Strangely enough, there are certain rules for the first night spent together. If this is not a one night stand for you, if you have serious intentions of establishing lasting relationship with this partner (like at the end of all fairy tales – and they lived happily ever after), these tips will help you avoid making serious mistakes in bed.


1. Don’t Go over the Top

Do not try all the things you can do in bed with your partner. Probably, you are sexually sophisticated and know all the sex positions from Kama Sutra. Perhaps, you enhanced your sexual skills year after year to become a superior lover. Undoubtedly, it’s a great thing! Just make sure you don’t show it all to your partner right away. First, a man may feel sexually inferior to you, and your sophisticated sexuality could just scary him away. Second, he may reasonably ask himself how many partners you’ve got before him.

2. Don’t Tell Him about Your Previous Boyfriends

When your man is saying he doesn’t care about your previous partners, he’s being cunning. If you are not a virgin anymore, invent some credible story. Like about the big college love. It’s a mistake to make confessions about each partner you had in the past. That’s where honesty is harmful.

3. Stay Relaxed

Behave naturally and sufficiently relaxed. Playing a role of a porn star won’t pay off. First, it looks vulgarly. Second, see the first item.

4. Don’t Play the Leading Role

Yield to your partner. Don’t try to snatch the initiative from him. You’ll have plenty of time for it. He’s got the right to play a leading role at the first night together.

5. What about Oral Sex?

There are many opposing views if oral sex is ok on the first night together. Most people agree that if partners want to try something they should express it. Of course, it makes sense, but psychologists advise women take more than give on the first night. It doesn’t mean you are supposed to lie like a stone or to fake orgasm. Make the partner understand that he turns you on. Try to seem shyer than you really are. Woman should open up in bed gradually, like a flower, making the partner proud of his ability to wake up your sexuality.

Remember: on the first night he is a conqueror, and you are his prize.

6. Don’t Be Silent

Never lapse into silence. Of course, you are not supposed to talk about last baseball game. Don’t ask your partner if he likes you during sex. You can moan and cream a little bit but don’t yell like mad. Show him that he’s doing a good job.

7. Don’t Laugh

Don’t laugh in bed. He may think you are laughing at his body. Or even worse – at the size of his unmentionable.

8. Don’t Use Erotic Gadgets

Don’t experiment on your partner with erotic toys and acrobatic sex positions. Everything in its own time. And you never know if the partner will like the idea.

9. Be Tender

Causing pain is acceptable if you both have an inclination to masochism. If it’s not your case, it’s better to be tender and affectionate. If your partner makes you feel pain, tell him about it immediately. Don’t bear the pain hoping he will guess himself. Besides, he may think that you moan and twist because of passion, not pain, and will double his efforts.

10. Personal Hygiene

Don’t forget about personal hygiene. Of course, female smell turns men on, but you should know where enough is enough.

11. Don’t Pretend

And finally, be yourself whatever you do.


  1. I thought men like when woman plays “the leading role” in bed. They always claim, there’s nothing worse in sex than a woman lying motionless like a log.

  2. What about discussing diseases such as herpes and aids? Contraception should also be high on the list. Rita – you are correct about men loving it when women take a leading role. There is nothing worse than a woman who just lies there, makes virtually no sound and does not (gently) instruct the guy as to what she wants. We are not mindreaders.

  3. It’s nearly impossible to instruct the partner during your first night. You don’t know the person, he’s new for you, you don’t know what’s ok for him and what’s not. And what about shyness?

  4. Tosca’s right, it normally takes time for the woman to “open” and be able to talk about intimate things with the new man. Unfortunately, there’re also women who never dare to share their desires somehow, they just lie there, as Chris said, and wait till “this all” ends or, what is even worse, fake orgasm.

  5. Exactly! In practice it’s not as easy as in “Sex and the City” where women are never shy and are always confident in sex.

  6. Tosca and Genius. Some of us do not want to simply use a woman (new relationship or otherwise) as a simple sexual release – having the woman enjoy herself to the full is incredibly fulfilling for (at least) me. This point of view may have no value whatsoever to many, but not all, guys. If a guy cannot take some (again I say gentle/possibly innenuendo) instruction then he must be very insecure. Our biggest worry is probably premature ejaculation.

  7. How is it possible to discuss sexually transmitted diseases when you have sex for the first time with a man? It can hurt one, besides, it’s too intimate.

  8. It’s funny. The entire article tells me not to do certain things (even if those things come naturally to me and are things I like) before finally advising me to just be myself. What a crock.

  9. I Think frist night frist i ask him about her life then about my life. From my idea do not sex in stating I after mid night

  10. I’m cautious by nature, but talking is easy. If things are going well and its clear to both of us that sex is imminent, I tackle the issues straight on before we get to the bedroom. Sure, it may take a little wind out of the sails at first, but when you’re clear about your concern for allowing both of you to fully enjoy the experience, that can score points. Protection, contraception, will’s and won’ts -you’d be surprised what you can discuss if you can be confident, open, while keeping the banter light and slightly playful. You’re partner may blush furiously, or be shocked, but when you’ve answered the awkward questions and laid down some “rules” for the upcoming event, it will go much more smoothly. The fear and hesitancy that you’ll “do something wrong” or fear about those big unknowns like the STD’s you didn’t discuss will largely evaporate.

    I agree, be yourself. I like to talk, but not during sex play. Before and after is fine. Otherwise, I stay sub-vocal. Done right, you can communicate alot without ever saying a word and often your partner will mimic you. Think Tim Allen as the tool man and you get the idea.

    I’d also say go slow and be tender depending on your partner. I’ve met shy women who laid their like lumps because they were scared and didn’t know what to do. Maybe they were virgins or they’d had a string of selfish, ignorant lovers. One thought she was broken because she’d never had an orgasm while with a sex partner.(And I know this because I asked her to break Rule #2 and tell me.) But if you’re patient, under the shyness you may find an eager and willing partner. Guide their hands, give them sub-vocal encouragement when they do something you like, and stay playful.

    What can you accomplish with this? Remember the shy, broken girl? That same night, several hours later, she turned into growling, sexy wildcat. She came twice that night, the second time so hard I though her nails were going to draw blood from my back. *grin* And no, I didn’t start out saying “I’m going to make her orgasm” I simply paid attention, found all the things that excited her, made her feel safe and feel like she could do nothing wrong, and the rest she did all by herself. After she regained her self confidence it was easy to teach her what I liked so she was a very good lover for me too.

  11. My new boyfiend is HIV positive. I love him a lot bt I’m scared I might get infected plz tell me about d do’s and don’t’s. I dnt knw if on our first nyt we should discus abt dis or wat.

  12. I couldnt agree more with bdwild. Its about taking your time to listen to verbal and nonverbal actions. I am female, tomarrow night is going to happen, I have all the anxiety that goes with this, but I also have all the anticipation. I dont fear him, my God, I wouldnt even be considering having any contact with him. We have been friends for over 5 yrs, and it just grew. I have been married to man that i truly loved for over 20 yrs, he passed away some time ago. I have known true love, and experianced true passion and that passion is what every human being is looking for. Believe me, we all want tender and gentle. But we are talking about the first sexual encounter witha new person. My suggestion, go slow, learn each other that first time. You shouldnt be in bed with anyone you cant talk about a few awkward things. This moment will be wonderful only because this man is someone I truly want to share my body with. I am hoping this becomes a preluude to a sexual adventure. If not, he will always remain my friend. I live in a time where sex is available 24/7, but thats not what I am looking for, and have conveyed that before sex entered the picture. I want this man, and I want to please this man, inbed and out. With this kind of attitude and preparation, I believe we will experiance something truly wonderful, together! I wish passion and excite for anyone looking forward to this “first time with a new partner.” I’ll let you know.

  13. That’s right, girls. “Be yourself whatever you do,” because honesty is the most important thing in a relationship.
    But while you’re being yourself, you should:

    1. lie about previous partners. (“If you are not a virgin anymore, invent some credible story.”)

    2. suppress your natural sexuality. (“Yield to your partner,” and “try to seem shyer than you really are.”)

    3. let him objectify you. (“you are his prize.”)

    4. be sure to make noise, even if that’s not really your style. (“Show him that he’s doing a good job.” Because, of course, making noise is the only way you can tell him how much you’re enjoying it, girls– gripping him tightly, squirming, and making whatever facial expressions come naturally aren’t enough. It doesn’t matter whether you’re comfortable doing it, all women should moan a lot.)

    …not exactly the things I’d want a girl to be thinking about. But maybe that’s just me.

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