Are you often willing to agree to anything, just to be finally left alone? Do not act this way. This policy complicates your life greatly, so if you still find it difficult to refuse people, it’s time to master this important skill.
There are two key words in the life of everyone – “yes” or “no.” Combined and used wisely, they literally work wonders and can make you happier, healthier and wealthier – no matter how incredible this may sound.
Very often, we simply agree to make a good impression or not to offend people with our refusal.
Empathy is a good thing, of course, but in the long term perspective the habit of constantly having to agree with everyone has bad effects.
If you have already regretted saying “yes” at least once, here are 16 tips to help you not to make this mistake again.
1. You do not have to say “yes” to people who steal your time
As you know, time is money. However, there is one detail that attributes far greater value to minutes and hours than to all the gold in the world. If time is running out, it is gone forever. Money can be earned again; your time is never coming back. You should get it right – it is not about being a callous log and ignoring other people’s requests. When someone relies on your time, do not agree to the request as long as it is contrary to your personal priorities. If the person’s problems still deserve consideration, find a certain day for the meeting or conversation with him/her, but it should not interfere with your business.
2. You do not have to say “yes” to people who want your money
Folk wisdom says that you need to lend as much as you do not mind losing. If you are not ready to accept the fact that friends are not in a hurry to return the money they have taken, it is a sign: it is time to stop practicing charity. The debts that you have failed to pay back on time can easily ruin your relationship with your loved ones and will get on your nerves. Honestly, it is better to refuse and disappoint someone than to deal with greater problems later on.
3. You do not have to say “yes” to people who are exploiting you
If someone recollects the fact of your existence only in case your help is needed, you will be an instrument for solving problems, not more than that. The relationship becomes asymmetrical, and it is you who is in the role of a donor? It’s time to think carefully. Of course, it is necessary to help people, but this does not refer to ones who are parasitic on your generosity.
4. You do not have to say “yes” to please your friends
Refusing your friends is not easy. These people are dear to you, and you feel obliged to act accordingly. The truth is that a true friend will accept your refusal in an absolutely normal way because for him/her friendship is much more valuable than any dispute. Those who meet any of your disagreement with hostility should not be called friends.
5. You do not have to say “yes”, if it is required by public opinion
Public opinion can be an obstacle, which is very difficult to overcome. People tend to think that you should just go with the flow and do what is expected of you. To say “no”, you need a fair amount of courage and self-confidence, but very often this is vital.
Every time you disagree with something, even under the pressure of the majority, you demonstrate the right to have your own opinion. If someone does not like it, he/she will have to take it into account anyway.
6. You do not have to say “yes” to conform to others
This case is the same as the previous one. People usually choose the way of behavior that allows blending with the crowd. They expect the same thing of you. Oddly enough, sooner or later, everyone comes to the conclusion that conformity is not only useless, but also makes people regret their actions.
7. You do not have to say “yes” to rules and dogmas
Environment creates certain requirements for the conduct of a social group’s members. Some of these rules are necessary for the proper functioning of society, but there are a lot of dogmas that you do not have to follow. Always remember who you are and do not let outdated doctrines change it.
8. You do not have to say “yes” to traditions and religious beliefs
If you were born among the people who consider religion and traditional values to play the main role in their lives, this kind of worship will be expected of you too. However, if you are not sure of their true value, you do not have to follow these beliefs. Of course, if you claim your own view on religion in the family circle, the closest people will hardly approve of this. Do not worry, their emotions will subside with the time, and you’ll be proud to have remained true to your own convictions.
9. You do not have to say “yes” to your parents
Listening to your heart and showing disrespect for your parents are not the same things. Yes, your Mom and Dad love you very much and sincerely wish you all the good things, but sometimes only you can know what you really want.
If the parents insist, for example, that you choose a certain profession, remember: this is your life, not theirs. Act accordingly.
10. You do not have to say “yes” to the boss
Be careful with the boss, if you do not want to lose your job. On the other hand, when there are real alternatives and your current boss does everything to spoil your life, maybe it’s time to say goodbye to him/her and find another job?
11. You do not have to say “yes” to anyone who puts your priorities in the second place
If you do not respect your values, then no one will. You and only you are responsible for what happens in your life, and this is the moment when you should fully accept this responsibility. So, set your goals as top priority!
12. You do not have to say “yes” to those who try to win your attention
The modern world constantly bombards us with a variety of irritations, so the ability to filter out the unnecessary becomes vital. Remember that regardless of what you pay attention to, you have the same right to ignore it.
13. You do not have to say “yes” to sales and special offers
It is hard not to lose your mind in the season of discounts, and marketers know this rule very well. There are many psychological tricks that will make you put your money on the altar of sales with great pleasure.
At first, you feel a surge of happiness, but as the wallet becomes thinner and the layer of dust on such necessary purchases grows, you start thinking that maybe you should have said “no”.
14. You do not have to say ‘yes’ to your mailing lists
Everyone who is signed for all sorts of messaging knows how tempting such suggestions sometimes are. Sometimes such wonderful things cost almost nothing, so you think you need to buy them. Bingo, you have been imposed a new need and have been provided with the means to realize it. But if you do not open the email, will you really need that product or service?
15. You do not have to say “yes” to chronophages
Television, the Internet and social networks are the wonders of technology that have changed our world fundamentally. But if you do not control them, they will govern you. It is easy to forget and lose a lot of time while staring aimlessly at the screen. Our brain tends to choose the simplest solution, but this is what chronophages expect us to do. As we have explained in the first paragraph, time is our most precious resource, so we need to take care of it.
16. You do not have to say ‘yes’ to notifications
Just turn off the notifications that come from your applications. Social networks, all sorts of reminders – all of this distracts and disturbs concentration. Notifications are sent virtually by every application, this is a way of involving people into active interaction. They bring constant benefit to their creators, but such an approach is really detrimental. Avoid unnecessary alerts and notifications and never say ‘yes’ to distractions.